Hello! I (F/21) will provide some context. My sister, “W” (F/19), had planned a big trip to an island with some friends. I was the one who spoke to my parents and convinced them to let her go, even though they believed she was too immature for that kind of trip.
Today, however, my opinion changed. She arrived home completely drunk after a university party at around 5 a.m., being carried by a complete stranger who somehow managed to enter our building and reach our floor. Around 7 a.m., my dad found her lying on the floor, completely out of it, and helped her get to her room to sleep.
Later that morning, I went out to practice sports, as I usually do (from about 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.), and my parents went out to take our cat to the vet (he’s fine, don’t worry). When we all got back home, she was gone. There was no note, nothing. Her phone and card were also missing.
My mother called some of her friends who had been at the party, and they told us how she had gotten home and how much she had drunk. They also said they were talking to her through Instagram DMs because she had lost her phone and wallet at the party and had gone out to retrieve them. She did this by having someone else call an Uber for her while we were out.
My parents were furious. This is the third time something like this has happened in the past two years, and they decided to cancel her trip. I agreed with them, but now I’m feeling guilty for being part of ruining her New Year. At the same time, I’m scared that something bad could happen to her, especially since she would be surrounded only by drunk people who won’t take care of her or themselves. AITA for this? She will probably hate me.
edit: had no idea there would be this many comments, so just for some background, drinking age in this country is 18, not 21, just for info
NTA. You’re not her parent and you clearly had no hand in swaying them. THEY decided to cancel her trip. Not you. Also it sounds deserved your sister has the survival instincts of a wet cloth.
LMAO “the survival instincts of a wet cloth”, can’t even say you are wrong.
While, in the end, the choice is theirs (as is the money), they would have given her the benefit of the doubt if I had not interfered; they really value my opinion. Maybe they would have given her some time to prove whether she is trustworthy or not. Reading the comments, I realized that she probably isn’t, but can’t help but feel guilty about it anyway, yk.
NTA
They’re right. You didn’t realize they were right before, but now you do. Your sister needs to grow up before she’s allowed to go anywhere unsupervised.
You are probably right. It still makes me really sad anyway. I know this trip meant a lot to her, and she was very happy that I convinced our parents to let her go. Can’t help but feel like I ruined our relationship, for now at least. I just can’t figure out a way for her to go and be 100% sure there will be no trouble.
I get that you worry about your relationship being ruined. But her not going on a trip and getting into serious trouble means you actually will have a chance to redeem the relationship at some point.
As others said it is better than she is safe and angry than something bad happening to her. However, why does she even need to know you “conviced” your parents? Ultimately it is their decision and they probably would have made the same one even if you didnt “convince them”. Ask your parents to leave out of it, which is an understandable request since this is a parenting issue.
They were really pissed off, and in the heat of the moment, said, “Even your sister, who convinced us that you should go, doesn’t think you should anymore.” They didn’t mean for it to sound mean, but she did need the reality check
NTA for someone else’s decision. Your parents made their own choice not you.
> She will probably hate me.
That’s good. It means she’ll be alive because dead people don’t have that option. Give it time. Hopefully she will mature and be happy people cared enough to protect her.
Two words: Natalee Holloway
NTA
I had never heard of her, wow 🙁 I live in Brazil, so seeing bad things in the news is somewhat common; we never know what could happen out there. I just wish there was another way to go on about this. I did get freaked out when learning about this friend who helped her reach the apartment; things could have gone really badly if she were not a good person.
You didnt make the decision. You agreed with the decision.
Kudos to your parents for making that decision. Most parents these days are so afraid of being hated by their children that they do not make wise decisions required of parents.
NTA, the last FIVE YEARS? She’s been doing this since she was fourteen? That’s terrifying.
NTA
They canceled her trip. You, rightly, agreed with the decision because you’re a responsible adult.
Let your sister be mad. Just let her. You’re not responsible for managing her reactions and emotions. She won’t hate you. She’ll hate that you sided with your parents. There’s a difference. Because she’s emotionally immature she won’t be able to tell the difference, but you can. She won’t be mad forever. Hopefully one day she’ll mature past the party stage. If she does she’ll understand you were being loving.
First of all, you didn’t ruin her trip. She did. Nobody that irresponsible needs to be going out of town alone, much less to some strange island. Your parents did the right thing… And you had nothing to do with their decision. The island isn’t going anywhere. It’ll be there when she grows up a little bit. NTA.