*edited*
I (mid-30s) own my home outright land, title, mortgage all in my name. My wife has serious health issues and our autistic son(7) has a history of eloping, so we have two cameras pointed ONLY at the front and back doors for safety.
A few years ago my SIL moved in with her two kids (10&12). Between the three of them, they use three bedrooms and two bathrooms, plus all common areas in our 5 bed 3 bath home. About a month ago we had a disagreement and her and her kids have been avoiding us since.
My autistic, ADHD son was having a meltdown and acting out for attention, and my nephew yelled at him instead of speaking to him in a neutral tone. I spoke to my SIL a couple of times before and went through all the techniques and had asked her to talk to her son about it as well.
My son’s BCBA has taught us that when he lashes out for attention, the best thing we can do is stay calm, neutral, and not feed the behavior emotionally. So I gently told my nephew something along the lines of, “Hey bud, let’s stay neutral when he’s doing this so it doesn’t make things worse.”
My SIL immediately took it personally. She jumped in and told me not to talk to her son that way and acted like I was disciplining him or overstepping, even though I was literally just following the behavior plan we’ve been given by a professional who works with my son every week.
What should’ve been a simple, two-sentence moment to prevent escalation somehow turned into her accusing us of “speaking to kids like they’re adults,” “talking down to her son,” and “treating her kids differently.” My wife, son, and I mostly stay in our bedroom and eat off paper plates to give them space.
When my wife sent a long, kind message trying to set boundaries, my SIL rejected it, said she wasn’t interested in anyone’s feelings, and doubled down.
This past week, my SIL has been unplugging or turning down the safety cameras (which have been in the house for years) , even after I explained they’re only for the entrances and for our son’s safety. She got defensive and accused us of invading her privacy, even though the cameras aren’t near any private rooms. She keeps claiming she has “equal say” because she pays “half the mortgage,” even though she’s not on the deed or loan.
Today I came home to the front door unlocked, the camera turned down again, and the front door was left unlocked and ajar. Every attempt to talk about safety turns into her getting defensive or attacking us.
At this point my family is confined to our room while she occupies most of the house, ignores boundaries, leaves her kids, and compromises safety.
AITA for enforcing basic safety rules and considering asking her and her kids to move out?
YTA for putting your son & wife through this. She needs to go.
She doesn’t get a say, period. ESPECIALLY when it puts your son at risk. You’re eating off of paper plates & staying in one room to give them space when she can’t even do the bare minimum of closing the fucking door!! Who’s coming in & out of YOUR house that she feels the need to move your camera angles.
YTA because you and your wife not only have all the power here if only you’d exercise it, you have a *duty* to your son, first and foremost to protect his safety, but also to not allow others to take over his home and have him basically live like an interloper in his own house.
You and your wife are letting down your son and yourselves. Stop being so weak and do what you can to get your SIL out of the house — and soon — because her leaving the doors open or unlocked and unplugging the cameras puts your son at genuine risk. That’s not hypothetical or an exaggeration.
You have allowed your SIL to take over your home and now your own child is reduced to eating off of paper plates in your bedroom. This is utterly bizarre. You need to talk to a lawyer and work on legally evicting her.