My Husband will not let this go. There have been a few times in the 16 years we’ve been together that ive returned or exchanged gifts hes given me and he still to this day brings it up. One time he got me an expensive LV purse and I exchanged it and upgraded to one with a strap (because the purse was large and would last longer with a strap) and another was a gold necklace. I exchanged the gold necklace because it was very thin and too tight…it would eventually break and I didnt want him to lose out on the $600 he’d spent by just keeping it so instead I exchanged it for some earrings (because the jewelry store DID NOT have a longer chain option with their necklaces)
Ive received so many gifts from him that I love and wear all the time and still remind him of how much I adore them but
these are literally the only things ive exchanged that he brings up! There have been other not so important instances like an expensive hair straightener but really theres nothing major other than those two examples that he brings up. And hes said in the past "thats why I don’t get you things because you just return them" and thats simply not true!!! Sometimes I think he just says that to get out of buying things for me LOL
AITA ???? Ive gotten him gifts in the past that don’t fit and he won’t return or exchange, theyll just sit in his closet and to me that’s money wasted. What the heck is so wrong about returning for a proper size or something else you want?? What the heck am I missing?!?!?!? Ive never acted unappreciative, I just dont want him to lose out on money by keeping something that I wont use.
NTA – Your husband is being a D*ck and looking for any excuse not get you a gift(s). It get harder to buy gifts when you are married so long. I keep a running list throughout the year and/or, literally grab my phone and order when he says he likes/wants “that” and I know he won’t buy it for himself.
Tell your husband to grow up, and for the last time, you liked the gifts, but exchanged for practical reasons/user friendly. I would love and LV bag, but it would have to have a strap, not handles. I get you
NTA. There are two different mindsets on this and both are valid but if he enjoys harping on it, it’s an ego thing and he needs to get over it. My husband includes receipts because he thinks I should return his gifts if I don’t like them but I hate returning because I love what he got me even if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. Neither of us makes the other feel bad about their choice.
NTA. Some of this is a family culture thing. One side of my family would NEVER return or exchange a gift, and is offended by the very idea. The other side wraps a gift receipt with every present so you can do whatever you want with it. I think it’s normal to have different ideas about this. What’s missing between you and your husband is communication and understanding about differing expectations regarding that. I’m with you though, OP. If something is not going to work for you, better to exchange it for something that will. It’s still a gift!
>One side of my family would NEVER return or exchange a gift, and is offended by the very idea.
OK, I’m so confused by this. Could you explain what their rationale for this is? Because as OP has stated, expecting people to just hang onto gifts that they don’t like and won’t use, rather than exchange them for the correct size or whatever, or for a version they’ll enjoy, seems completely nonsensical. It’s literally a waste of the gift-giver’s money and creates an environment where people are giving and getting gifts that are just a waste of space and that no one is enjoying.
What’s the point of giving someone a gift if you don’t actually want them to enjoy it?
NAH.
After 16 years you would know him better than most I’d say. If you think he’s using it as an excuse to not buy you anything, I wouldn’t argue with you. And from the outside looking in it certainly appears that way.
He punishing you because he feels that you returning the gifts is a rejection. Instead of being a mature individual and understanding that it’s the thought that counts. Isn’t it what is drummed into your head from childhood?
He thought about you. He put in the effort. You wholeheartedly appreciated it and in a few cases wanted to ensure that what he spent his money on was actually used. You didn’t take these back for cash to spend elsewhere.
So immature. “You made me feel bad so now I’m going to treat you badly.” Is he 12?
Omg you explained it exactly how I feel !!!!! I just wanted to ensure he didnt waste his money !!!
OK, I’m very confused by your judgement, you think he’s being incredibly immature and behaving like a 12-year-old, but he’s *not* an AH for that?
I would have thought the judgement would be NTA. I get that he sees this as some sort of rejection, but he’s a grown man and that thought process is completely irrational, so how does it negate his being an AH?
NTA. These are completely normal reasons to exchange a gift. I honestly don’t understand the people who are mad. You aren’t pawning the gifts, you’re exchanging them so the money spent isn’t wasted. Gratitude is not hoarding things you can’t use.
NTA. I get being offended that someone returned a gift you got them but if he wanted to be sure you liked it he could take you shopping or ask for a shortlist or ask for your bag/necklace preferences, especially considering how much money he’s dropping on these. Better that you make sure you get something you’ll like and use if it’s that expensive.
NTA. It’s the harping on it for years that does it. Turn about is fair play, so stop giving him gifts – “Why bother, you just leave it hanging in the closet?”
NTA
I just bought my sibling an expensive fragrance for their birthday because they had casually mentioned wanting one some months ago. I included in the note saying that if they wanted to exchange for a different scent, to let me know and I’d handle it because the most important thing is that they’ll enjoy the gift.
I get feeling a bit hurt when missing the mark, but you seem to have been appreciative. I think you have a good track record — 2 gifts in all these years? Not a big deal. Your thought process makes sense too. What good would a too-small necklace be? Your thought process is sound too. A too-small necklace would just sit in a jewelry box, not being enjoyed.
NTA at all, in the specific instances you returned the gifts you had valid reasons (though I’m also of the opinion that gifts should be for the person receiving the gift and their wants, not the wants of the person giving the gift). I also agree, and I guess this is horribly practical (?) that it’s better to get something that fits and not just let it sit there or for expensive jewelry to break because it doesn’t fit.
I don’t have an issue with this at all.
If someone gifts you an expensive gift and you know you won’t use it, then by all means exchange it.
I am pretty picky about things like expensive purses and jewelry.
Why can’t you both go window shopping so that you can point out things you actually want?
Um, no. NTA. I just bought my husband boots for Christmas. He’s very particular about his footwear. I put the receipt in the box because there’s a 90% chance he’ll want something else.
But he’s weird and won’t just go buy himself boots so. Now he’ll have to lol.