I (29F) i’m having a game night and would love for my brother (33M) to attend, but do not enjoy the company of his wife (30F), not because she’s a bad person, but because she has no ability to control herself in a social setting. She not only dominates any conversation and is very loud (only appears to have one volume). She also rarely ask anyone questions about themselves without immediately, jumping on what they’re saying to make it about her.
Unfortunately, due to her behavior, I have to exclude my brother from this event (and likely future events) because there’s no way that he would show up without her (which is fair).
My brother has been married for a year. This is not new behavior from her, and I have discussed it with him. He says he knows that it is annoying/disruptive and that he has talked to her about it, but nothing seems to change. This happens at dinners, family gatherings, etc. I have to specifically seek him out alone, if I want to talk to him at all. If they are together, she cannot stop talking for both of them and he can’t get a word in. I understand it’s probably an anxiety thing and she claims to be going to a therapist for the past couple years, but I just don’t know if there’s anything more I can do without being rude.
Here is where I may be the asshole… I’m inviting some cousins and some of my close friends to game night that live much further than my brother and his wife (they live in my city). I have not told them, but I’m concerned about them finding out and being hurt but I’d like the chance for everyone to participate in a conversation. Last time she was at game night she delayed people’s turns because she wouldn’t stop talking and was practically yelling over people trying to participate in the game about unrelated things.
Am I the asshole for excluding them because of her behavior?
NTA. Your brother already knows you can’t stand her, so if he finds out about game night, it won’t bother him. If *she* finds out about game night, that might be the wake up call she needs to change her behavior.
I’m curious…if she’s this bad, how did you brother come to marry her?
Does the rest of your family dislike her too?
He’s got a bit of low self esteem unfortunately and his last gf was amazing and I think messed him up when they broke up. He’s also got chronic health issues that will be lifelong that she accepts. She’s not a bad person (has a good job, doesn’t cheat/steal, aka the bare minimum) but is just very, very annoying.
Sorry yes, the family includes her out of obligation. She is now family and will be included in every major family event, regardless if we like it or not.
NTA
I think you need to tell your brother that you’re entering a new phase here…
It’s good that you’ve tried to talk to him about it… Now it’s a matter of “Listen, she hasn’t changed, it’s gotten to the point that it’s affecting all of our enjoyment of the events she’s at – I want to work with you here but something has to change.”
That will be a little awkward, but less so than them finding out second and third hand from the cousins.
Appreciate the feedback and ideas. We are young and I don’t want to tiptoe around this for decades but have seen where blood vs marriage family can go insanely bad (on this subreddit too may times) but I’m stuck. Thanks for the advice
This subreddit isn’t real life and many of the posts aren’t either. Don’t use it as a blueprint to handle your family and relationships.
Info: When she is interrupting or talking a lot have you ever politely stopped her and said hey you are interrupting us can you please stop? Have you only spoken to your brother?
The re-interrupt. “Actually Simon was talking, and I want to hear about this. Thanks!”
Nuclear option: “Oh my god Suzy, you should rest your diaphragm and let Simon exercise his!”
Yes, I have talked to her directly. We went on a family vacation and I ran into them at the resort that was all inclusive and was trying to ask about how their day was etc.. She was the only one answering so I had to stop
her mid sentence after a bit and be like “hey, I’d like to actually hear from “brother“ about what he liked about today”. That’s not the first time I’ve done it, but I haven’t been as direct as “I’ve heard from you enough please give anyone else the chance to talk.”
Be more direct.
Airhorn should do it.
I have a friend like that. I literally have to tell her “I’m talking” . She looks at me like I’m the rude one but unless I say anything ya can’t shit her up. Then she’ll tell me I never let her speak. I think there’s some audio thing missing in their brain.
i really try to be tolerant, but every fiber of my being *cannot stand* people like that not because they interrupt me but because i cringe into next year every time i see them interrupt someone else and then constantly having to bring the convo back around to what the other person was saying. it’s honestly so exhausting lol