I (Female) have a pretty large friend group around 8-9 and they are all very close but recently it feels like I’m pushed to the side. I have one really close friend in the friend group and she is always there for me but I’m not trying to make her leave all her friends for me.
Basically I was trying to make plans with a friend today and I was explaining it, but them my sister (twin) literally said the same thing and then she understood. It made me think about all of our friendships and it made me realise that they never REALLY listen to me. It’s like I’m speaking another language or I’m muffled but everyone else is clear.
They never have really cared, when they have a problem with someone else in the group, they always come to me so they I carry that on my shoulders, but when I tell them they should just tell them how they are feeling and actually clap back, they say I’m mean and I don’t care about that person’s feelings? Girl they never cared about yours.
I’m like the mum of the friend group, do everything for them but still get treated like shit.
Anyways back to why I might be the asshole, I decided in 2026 I’m not hanging out with people I don’t wanna hang out with, and someone in the friendship group had been a cause of drama recently and I didn’t wanna hang around with her, so I was trying to vocalise that but my sister who was helping me wasn’t listening AGAIN so I was getting mad as hell and saying "I’m not being around a bully I’m not in the head space" and stuff like that getting really angry, I think the anger about everything that happens built up but it still doesn’t feel like it has been let out. AITA?
So you feel excluded but still want to exclude one person in the group? Your story sounds like a mean girls film. My guess would be that you’re all assholes.
I think you’re confused about things. To me this doesn’t register as an AH thing or not.
Sounds like you consider them as friends but they consider you an acquaintance. Time to stop doing stuff for them, stop texting first or calling first. See who contacts you and why. Do they want to chat or do they want something from you? Then you will know if they are friends or freeloaders looking to you for a free ride, free food, free entertainment or your free time.
It doesnt sound like your advice has come out of the blue. They’ve come to you with the expectation youd take a firm stance and not tolerate bs but when you actually say what they expect you to say you get called mean and uncaring.
They dont value the advice so stop giving it. Wait for them to ask for advice and then say “I dont think that would benefit the situation”, if they ask why then just say “The advice ive given in the past hasn’t just been disregarded, ive had my character attacked for it. So no, there is no upside in trying to help when these are just things people have to learn for themselves. People have to learn their own boundaries, set their own limits and their own standards. I cant set those for you, you have to do that for yourself.”
Stop taking on an unnecessary burden to justify your position within the group.
Also NTA for having feelings or not wanting to endure a bully. Accept this will likely impact your friend group moving forward and they weren’t exactly on your side when you were standing up for them let alone when youre actually against one of them.