I am a wheelchair user with an assistance dog. I had to shop at a store because there is something there that isn’t available elsewhere. My usual carer wasn’t available to help.
The store didn’t have any accessible or "shallow" trolleys. I asked and was told ((shrug)) they hadn’t noticed there weren’t any. Note, under UK law, they should make the "reasonable adjustments" of having different kinds of trolleys.
Anyway, I asked if, since they had no trolleys, if someone could help me as the items I need are too heavy to lift into and out of a regular trolley. The person I asked got the manager, who said someone would come help.
In front of all the people waiting to go through the busy tills, the lady said "Ok, we will help you… but because of that, all these people will have to wait a lot longer… " I could feel the daggers of all those looking at me.
I decided to leave instead, so asked the security guard just to let me out (the doors are one way until you get through the tills). Then the lady said "don’t be ridiculous! It was just a joke hahah!" Can’t you take a joke?" I didn’t say but… I’m autistic, I don’t always "get the joke" but this didn’t feel like a joke. Expecially to the people looking at me and making unkind comments.
Those people who were staring at me and saying terrible things. The looks were killing me.
I got the couple of things I needed, then she left me at the tills, where I couldn’t get anything in or out of the trolley. A kind bystander helped me and then loaded the items into my car.
Later in the town centre, several people spoke to me, or rather loudly to others about me, and a couple were openly hateful and threatening. The English are pretty committed to queues.
Should I accept that it’s wrong to need help? If things are set up as they should be, I’m pretty independent… Was she really making a joke, and I just genuinely didn’t get it? Am I really being an asshole for needing help?
NTA. The law requires reasonable adjustments that weren’t in place. The person to assist you made a stupid ableist comment. I would complain to the store.
Absolutely complain OP. That was discriminatory behavior & deeply unprofessional. It needs to be addressed & you need to receive an apology.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help. The only wrong part is demanding help , which you did not do. You asked politely like a grown up should. They did not act like they were very customer friendly and i’m surprised you didn’t just leave entirely.
My husband wasn’t well. They have a certain kind of pop he really likes, and they have a kind of marzipan he loves. I wanted to get the pop for him.
NTA. That woman was not joking, she just attempted to say it in a joking way so she could pretend she wasn’t being offensive. I’m sorry this was your experience. You should not feel guilty for asking for help if you need it. That shop has a duty of care to their customers and have honestly fallen short of the mark. I would maybe get in touch with their corporate line to discuss your experience – not adhering to laws, better staff training and general accessibility awareness.
thanks- I feel ashamed that I really struggle to understand this stuff. I end up feeling so muddled and overwhelmed… sigh. You guys have really helped me see it from other perspectives.
NTA
It may have been intended as a joke, but it was a pretty rude and unnecessary one. And frankly, I would report it to corporate, because she needs a reminder of how to treat customer with some basic decency.
As far as everyone else, they need to calm down. I doubt there was anything in their trolley that couldn’t wait five minutes.
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, particularly when they have failed to provide an accessible trolley. It wasn’t a joke – it was designed to make you feel bad. And shame on those other customers.
This is the one time that it’s acceptable to be a Kar_n (banned word). Put in multiple complaint letters explaining exactly how terribly that you were treated. Post on the stores social media page, heck I’d even contact the local paper to see if they will pick up the story. Make some noise and make it loud!
NTA. and had I been I’ve of the waiting customers if have A) offered to help you myself and B) told the manager they can it my stuff back and I would not be going there again if this is how they treat their customers.
Hi professional caregiver here, absolutely NTA. Times like this I have to bite my tongue from going all Mama Bear, I just have to make my distaste known and pointed. I always let me disabled clients do everything they can for themselves because they’ll ask for help when they need it, and it’s a crying shame that after you tried to do what you could yourself no one would help you. I hardly think being autistic has anything to do with not getting the joke, there’s no joke to get, there’s just a lot of assholes in this story but none of them are you. Bless the bystander that helped you. And thank your service dog for me, I hope he/she gives you all the love and support you deserve
NTA. I’m in the US, but it doesn’t matter. They wrong. Not just on a business level, but on a human decency level. What you asked for was more than reasonable. It appears as though she didn’t want to move and when she realized you wouldn’t stay, she got scared because she knew she was wrong.
I’ve worked retail many years ago and helping someone was never an issue. Every once in a while someone would call ahead to make sure we knew they were coming. That was nice and courteous of them, but absolutely not needed unless it was going to take awhile (~2 hours).
Call the store and tell the manager what happened. If it happens again, report the store.
**That wasn’t a joke.** It was rude at best and ableism and degradation at its worst. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
NTA ‘it was just a joke’ is the fall back of many an arsehole who has made a comment that was not well received by the other person/people in the conversation. It’s never the wrong thing to ask for help when you need it.