It’s going to be 10 years to our marriage, and except for our first anniversary my husband has never gifted me anything on my birthday and neither on anniversary. He takes pride in being this cold. I have had these disappointments and heartbreaks every single year. It’s just plain sad for me to be treated this invaluable, when I go all little and big gestures for him on his birthday. Because of this bitterness of having to be the giver always and have my expectations crushed every single special occasion, my nature has changed for being irritable and argumentative. Because deep down I know he doesn’t care about how and what is special for me.
Good about him: he is a soft spoken “logical” kind-of-helpful person who shares house hold chores, I think he loves me
Bad about him: kind-of-emotionally cold (won’t budge unless I am yelling and screaming, yes these past few months feels like I have given up on my patience) cares nothing but his time, has been unsuccessful financially and stability wise but he thinks he is doing absolutely fine
Bad about me: I gave him all my time and love all these years and got nothing except anger and sadness and even sometimes being left in a fight and argument on my birthdays because he will simply choose to not to anything. I am telling you, no birthday present, no dinner, no hug, nothing. I have lost my patience, I have grown intolerant and argumentative this year, just very sad and something which has been affecting my health significantly.
Good about me: I am forgiving if he talks to me lovingly, simple gestures of him being there, but all his love I feel now is misplaced and only comes after I am mad. But I have choosen always to forgive.
AITA for expecting feeling special and belonged on my birthday since I value it, and yelling after a decade of being undervalued?
Why are you with a man so incapable of showing love? You deserve better. He uses your need to keep you giving, giving, giving while getting nothing in return. He’s an emotional black hole. I left a 40 year marriage that devolved into this. Love yourself enough to find a better life. Being alone is better than being frozen out.
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? You are.NTA except yourself. If you say, he takes pleasure and disappointing you do you find that he loves you? You said you think he does but I’m thinking he doesn’t. You either need counseling or to move on without him.
NTA you are honestly asking for the bare minimum. Your husband should want to celebrate the milestones of your relationship, or at the very least understand that they are important to you and therefore put in the effort. “I think he loves me” was honestly sad to read since you said you have been together for 10 years. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Begging for the bare minimum and being devastated when you don’t get it? “Deep down I know he doesn’t care about how and what is special to me” is this truly who you want to spend the rest of your life with??
YATA-You are the asshole for having so little self-regard and accepting this relationship as love! You are loving toward him and he is NOT loving toward you! Why do you think he loves you? Why do you make yourself a beggar, screaming and crying out for love and attention-when year after year he shows how little he cares for you? Only be rejected and then do it again and again, hoping for something different to happen! Believe his actions! Believe his lack of caring, believe that you deserve someone who adores you!!!
dude wth? why are you with him? He doesn’t like you. He’s using you as a mask to look normal.
NTA, but why be with someone who doesn’t value you?
I don’t even need to read all of that to know that you’re NTA, but you need to get out of there as soon as possible, there’s no way u should stay with a person that doesn’t acknowledge your existence on important days and probably just does it when’s convenient for him.
You deserve love, respect, and affection. He knows this and chooses to ignore it. People can change, but not without effort. If he is open to counseling, try that first. If not, reread my first sentence. You only have one life, don’t waste it on someone who is unwilling or unable to make an effort to fill your most basic needs.
Was he like this before marriage? If so I’d say no one is the AH. If not then he is def TAH.
Ten years is a long time to be in a unhappy marriage. Life’s too short for this.
You should give him a 10th anniversary gift – divorce papers and the name of your lawyer.
Give up on the sunk cost fallacy. You *think* he loves you? The possibility of love isn’t worth 10 years where he hasn’t shown you love or respect. You deserve better. Making this post proves you know you do, listen to yourself and make a change- do whats best for you and leave. I promise you being single is better than being married and alone
You should have stopped giving him birthday gifts and anniversary presents 8 years ago and left him. Stop wasting your time with a man who doesn’t love you and is loud about it.
>He takes pride in being this cold.
Every day you stay with him is going to be the same.