basically as the title says but three of us (bride, bridesmaid and me) we were all friends in college and have kept in touch a decent amount. she even came up for my bday wknd recently where we talking at length about the wedding (me and chosen bridesmaid are roommates) and talked about how we’ll get a hotel since it’s an hour away. We were one of the first people she texted that she got engaged. i thought we were all equally friends but then i found out she asked my roommate to be a bridesmaid but i’ve heard nothing from her. i guess it really hurt my feelings especially since if i was in that position i would either choose both of us or neither. I just don’t see how i can get a hotel alone and stay alone while my friends are doing bridal party things and act like it doesn’t make me said. Am i the asshole for skipping the wedding?
Also want to add we have been friends for the same amount of time and typically always hang out as the three of us.
Edit: Adding some more context lol: the rest of our friend group will also be in the party and i don’t get a plus one so the only people i know at the wedding will be in the bridal party. also very anxious person
It’s her day, not yours.
She gets to choose who her bridesmaid is. You weren’t promised the spot.
So if you want to ruin this friendship over a failure of expectation management, then that’s a choice for you to think about. And while you are thinking about that, the only person you will be punishing for not attending is yourself.
“Where’s Jen?”
“Who knows. More champagne?”
YTA for the sour grapes
Yeah, OP isn’t the AH for being sad…
but they might be the AH to themselves for throwing away a friendship because their expectations didn’t mesh with reality.
I know if would be better if people just talked about this stuff… but it could be as simple as the bride’s groom only has X friends to be groomsmen and the bride wanted the numbers to match, and the roommate just barely beat out OP for a place, and Bride just couldn’t bring herself to have that awkward convo with OP.
Could be that OP really isn’t as good of a friend and didn’t realize it.
But the Bride did come to OP’s birthday, so she does make an effort to be there for her… so I think OP should really consider if she’s willing to give up being the bride’s 3rd best friend out of spite for not being her 2nd best friend… or whatever the number is.
OP could easily bring the issue up with her roommate first to test the waters, like “Hey, I’m not sure if it makes sense to share a hotel room if you’re going to be out doing bridesmaid things and I’m going to be left alone most of the time… I’m trying to figure out what I want to do…”
And see how the roommate responds. Them talk to the bride as well if needed.
Not only this but money wise every bridesmaid adds a TON of money and some venues have restrictions too. Our venue was all-inclusive so things like flowers were included and they only included 4 so every bouquet after that was an extra $100, hair and makeup was $250 per person, and the bridal suite was only so big so even if we added on we couldn’t go more than 6. Plus adding an extra 1-2 for the rehearsal dinner, all these things add up when you add another person.
YTA. You’re not entitled to be a bridesmaid. And who cares? Also no reason you can’t still share a hotel room with your friend if you want to.
YTA. This is so stupid. Not every friend is going to be a bridesmaid. Get over it.
It’s totally fair that it hurt your feelings, but it’s her day her wedding and her decision ultimately.
YTA. Suck it up, this one isn’t about you. There is sooooooooo much that you don’t know how that decision was made, these things and reasons become exhaustive. She made it your B-Day. Please don’t make this about you, it is petty and vindictive. Though I understand why you feel hurt.
YTA. If she was really your friend you would go and celebrate her, not pout that you’re not in the wedding party. The bottom line is, not everyone can be in the wedding party. She’s apparently closer to your roommate and that should be fine. Personally, I think you’re being a bit petty and childish. Not going would also almost definitely put a strain on your friendship if she finds out that it was because you weren’t a bridesmaid, though it seems that you’re friendship is already strained if you’re hurt enough to skip it altogether for this reason. I would say you aren’t being a very good friend.
NAH. You’re not entitled to being in someone’s bridal party, and she’s not entitled to having every guest she invites show up.
Yta- are you really willing to throw away your friendship with the bride because of this? You have every right to feel sad and disappointed but you don’t have the right to make this wedding about you.
I’d much rather attend a wedding as a guest than a bridesmaid you get to celebrate and enjoy without all the responsibilities.
I’ll share with you what I shared with two of my daughters when their sister was asked to be a bridesmaid in their cousin’s wedding and they were not. “Now you don’t have to have her in your wedding party” and that made them get over being hurt and realize that their sister is closer to their cousin then them and they wouldn’t want to have to invite her to be in their wedding. NTA just have a more mature perspective.
YTA: The fact that you jumped to thinking about completely skipping her wedding, without even talking to her first, shows that she was right not to make you a bridesmaid.