Hi I’m in my early 20s and I bought a van to live in and travel. I’m currently building it out, no electricity to stay warm in the winter other than a chargeable electric box. I’m staying at my dad’s girlfriend’s parking lot. My dad is overseas. I go in to shower , cook, charge by box to use at night to stay warm. She was constantly begging me for months to come in and sleep on the couch as the winter has been rough. I caved after a few months because I got off late and didn’t charge my box. I figured I’ll keep building as things warm.
The second day I’m in there she says to stay in I need to pay 200 a month. (I was sending money for the electric bill since that’s what I used). I felt that I was lured into there so she could charge me. I went back into my van as I’m trying to save money.
Fast forward I walk in to put some coffee creamer in the fridge and she was in the kitchen. I was in deep thought and didn’t realize I didn’t say hi.
So the next day I’m looking for something and sent her a text asking if she knew where it was. I was then sent a message to return my keys and that I can’t come inside anymore because she felt disrespected that I didn’t say hi or anything when I walked in the other day. So now I’m in my van, no way to stay warm in the snow. I’m waiting for the library to open to charge my box and I got a gym membership for showers. My dad says I should apologize to get re entry. But I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. I felt like she lured me in after banging on my van every other night saying she “prefers me to come in and she sees me as a son “ only to charge me 200 a month. I’ve walked in plenty of times without saying much as I’m socially inept but this time triggered all of this. I’ve ran errands for her. Took her kid to work. Help pay for the electricity I use.
I understand this is her place but this feels over punished. I am cold at night but I’d rather freeze out here than apologize especially after such a harsh treatment and i only heard why I’m being punished like this from my dad. All she told me is that i disrespected her. Am I in the wrong. Should I suck it up and apologize?
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ESH.
The way she went about it isn’t great. I’m sure she thought you were giving her the silent treatment because you were angry about paying. But here’s the deal: you’re a grown ass adult using your van as your bedroom. You use her electricity, water, and shelter when you charge your unit, shower, cook, and store your food. You are basically living there part of the time. Utilities on the whole are more expensive than they used to be, and again: you’re an adult and she isn’t your actual parent. She doesn’t owe you anything. But she should have addressed it with you in a better way.
I think it’s quite rude that you practically ignored her. Yes it was an accident. But you can say sorry for accidents as well. Especially since you didn’t do it to hurt her.
And why haven’t you bought an electric heater? Those things can be dirt cheap and they give out plenty of heat.
Yes she is wrong for luring you in and then asking for rent. But that’s not what you’re asked to appologize for.
So unless you’re leaving something out. YTA
NTA. Sounds like she punishing you for calling her out on her manipulation. She’s butthurt it didn’t work and now she’s having a tantrum.
NTA, the response is disproportionate, I would not be okay with someone freezing out in the cold just because he didn’t say “hello”. You both need to communicate, though. Have a conversation with her about how you feel, and then take it from there.
begging you to come in and then charging $200 THE NEXT DAY is so insane
The punishment does not fit the “crime” if you can even call it that. NTA. Was she testing you? Why did she not say hello first? Someone who dangles basic human essentials to live over your head as a means to control your actions is not a good person.
Always change your clothes before bed – even slightly damp from sweat or outside will make you colder. Lots of layers, don’t forget about insulating underneath you. If you can find a yoga mat or anti-fatigue mat (like for kitchens) those are good and the right shape for under a bed. If you are near a Harbor Freight store they have the anti fatigue mats for like $9. You can also get really cheap moving blankets and put a couple of those down as an extra layer, they’re like $3ea for the smaller ones. You may even want to try to hang a couple on the sides of the van for temporary insulation until your build is further along.
See about getting some wool blankets if they don’t bother your skin. Thrift stores are a good place to look. They will help keep you warm. Another good one is Sherpa blankets. I’ve camped in the winter before and my Sherpa blanket kept me super warm. Always keep your head and feet covered – socks and a knit cap.
Good luck friend
If you open a search engine and look for “space heater for camper” you will find a wide range of heaters costing anything from $40 to $200. Apologize for not saying hi and nothing else.
Why can’t you drive the van to a warm place?
ESH
Check out Adventuring with Amanda. She’s doing van life in a minivan and has excellent videos of her electrical and solar setup so she’s not running out as well as how she stays warm. She’s also got most things she recommends linked. Products that draw the least amount of electricity etc. You can’t do van life if you need to charge every night and depend on other ppl letting you plug in. The gym membership for showers is very normal. Truck stops also have showers you can pay a small amount to use if no gym is around. Come warmer months you should be able to shower at your van with a shower tent. Imo it’s time to get out of the driveway and start your journey. I’d be really annoyed if my kid or step kid was choosing to live in the driveway without basic necessities while needing my electricity and shower and warmth etc too! It sounds like you got a van and moved in without planning ahead as far as heat, bathing, refrigeration, electricity etc go.
Info: I’m ignoring much of this since not saying hi seems to be the issue. Why wouldn’t you apologize for not saying hello, if the action wasn’t intentional but has hurt feelings?
Little ESH. You’re socially inept, that’s fine. Learn basic manners, it will help you. I don’t know if you’re male or female but I wouldn’t want anyone, especially male, walking in unannounced, without speaking, if I was alone and my spouse was away.
She should be an adult and talk to you. It’s cold. Let you charge your thing at least.
Tell her you’re sorry, that you suck at interactions and it wasn’t personal. Try to do better.
Then move somewhere warmer.
I would find somewhere else to park and then stop communicating with her and if your dad only wants to talk about it stop communicating with him too.
If you have to run things off a charger, get an electric blanket. It uses less electricity than a space heater, and should be enough to keep you warm.