This is my first post ever so please bare with me đĽ˛
I, 30 female just had a beautiful baby boy(X) a year ago . 2025 was an eye opener for me. During the first six months, I was not working due to the lack of support with childcare. Luckily I was able to go back to a daycare I worked for back in 2023 and was able to enroll my son as well. Side note: Also during the first six to eight months I was going through a very hard breakup involving DV and having car trouble on and off through out the year. Anyways, once I was working again and be able to see how much money I was bringing in I was now playing catch up on bills. ATM I stay in the basement of a town house that my father rents and I pay rent to him. My mother and two brothers live under the same roof as well. My mother works from home, my older brother is disabled and my younger brother just got his first job. Up until September of last year my rent was $500, a blessing!! My father is moving out so my part of rent is now $1000 which still isnât bad compared to if I was living on my own. November comes around and Iâm now starting to feel like things are getting better financially, that was till my boss came to me and informed me my checks with being garnished. Turns out some debt collectors who bought my credit card balance from ten years ago found my job information and started garnishing my paychecks. So now 25% plus taxes are being taken from my checks every two weeks. Talk about stressed right before the holidays. ATP all I can do is pay rent and hope I have something left over for gas to at least get me to and from work. I wasnât able to participate in my friend groupâs Christmas gift exchange due to not being able to get a gift. And when it came to family Christmas everyone got a little something from me but it hurt me in the end because I was short on January rent. My sonâs birthday is two weeks after Christmas and the next time I got paid isnât till the week after that. Iâm already feeling mom guilt about not being able to even do a little party the weekend of his birthday. I have a very close friend group where we talk about a life a lot and what we are going through. With everything I have gone through in the last year I have became a very private person when it comes to my life, especially when it comes to my son. I post him on social media when I feel like it but it definitely not an every single day thing. The day of my sonâs birthday comes and I wake up I am moving like itâs a normally work day, get up get myself together, get me and my sons stuff together for work/daycare and then get my son ready for the day. Iâm very much aware it is my sonâs birthday and he was definitely getting the extra love from mommy that morning. Fast forward to the end of my work day I decided to go to Walmart and get him a personal cupcake and of course a candle. I look at my phone and see that there is a text in the group chat saying âM where are the pics and vids from yesterday for X birthday ?â
NTA
“Hi guys, we had a lovely day together but I didn’t take photos, sorry! See you all soon”.
NTA.
Nta. It sounds like you had a lovely day with your son. Extra love and a cupcake is perfect! If you got pictures with his cupcake send that or you can just say âsorry was having such a nice day I forgot to get pictures!â If they ask more you can still be honest that it was a lowkey day but you made it special with lots of extra love.
Youâre doing great mom!!!!
Are you in the UK or US? In the UK if you have had an unsecured debt forever 6 years with no payment made to it, it becomes void. They can’t chase you for it. They will do, presuming you don’t know that. I had a company do this to me for a 13 year old debt. I printed out a letter form the net and sent it, I never heard from them again. Unsecured debt would be credit card, loans, rent. A secured debt would be a mortgage or car loan.
NTA. Apart from the fact that you did celebrate the birthday even if it was not “social media style” – your son is not old enough to actually care.
Take the pressure off yourself. Kids don’t remember their 1st or 2nd birthdays. These first few birthday parties are actually for parents and their relatives.Â
Hopefully your debt gets paid off in the next couple of years. In the meantime don’t worry about these sort of things. Just enjoy your time with your child.
NTA
Hey mama, youâre NTA. Youâre surviving the best you can while keeping a roof over your childâs head and food in his belly. The best thing about being 1 is that he wonât remember any of this, and you can always throw him a lil party when youâre more financially stable.
Iâve been where you are, it gets better!
I know you mentioned DV with your ex⌠if youâre not afraid of more violence Iâd suggest putting the ex on child support to make up for some of the funds being garnished⌠and because he needs to pay for his child period. Good luck mama!
As for the CC debt, here in the US, they can only collect up to 7 years.. So if the debt is from 10 years, and you live here, that is illegal..Â
As for your son.. You are doing the best that you can.. I would say to think of it like this.. He is only 1.. He will not remember it.. At that age, he doesn’t even understand what a birthday is.. It’s more important later in life, but at that age, it is not really anything more than a show for other people. Give him extra attention and love and that is all he will care about at that age.. and that you did..Â
People have warped perspectives these days.. People these days put too much emphasis on things only being good enough if you do at least this, or spend at least that.. Spending time with those that you care about is 100 times more important than some item that will end up in the trash a few years down the road.. Memories will last while possessions can be lost in the blink of an eye..Â
Just remember this.. Christmas was originally celebrated as nothing more than winter solstice.. Then Christians put there spin on it making it Christmas to push pagan winter solstice out.. Then coke a cola made Santa Claus as a mascot, which then led to presents being given, which was pushed by big industry just to make sales..Â
my point is, things like spending a lot of money, big presents, large celebrations, etc have come around based off of personal greed and warped perspectives as people forget the real meaning behind why you celebrate.. Do don’t feel bad or ashamed for not doing what others expect.. As long as you do things for the right reason, that is all that counts..Â
For the Christians out there, I am not dismissing the birth of Christ.. But all facts lead to him being born in closer to September, not December.. and the day of December 25th was not set until hundreds of years after his birth, at which time his actual birthday was lost to time..
A 10 year old debt is outside of requirements, get someone to help you eliminate that irritant.
But NTA, youâre doing your best and building upwards, itâs about you and him, not Instagram.
Keep going, things will get better. goodluck.
NTAH !!! Your baby will not know he did or not have a or year old party . Iâm disappointed in your family,work and âfriendâ group . Even bad family gets a kid a bday thing . Your baby WILL find out he had a roof overhead and food in his belly and a mom with extra cuddles. If you can keep THAT going you will be Aces !! Whoever asks about the pic of bday ? Explain to them that when you say money is tight you are not playing – like money you canât get nails done : youâre playing like still financially recovering from DV Money burdens and nobody is stepping up .the rent to dad ? WTF .
With mom and 2 siblings in same house and you n son In basement WWHY does your rent double and theirs the stay same ? (Assuming the disable bro gets govt check ) maybe you want to have a discussion with everyone . Iâve worked in daycare : itâs hard and unappreciated work ! Glad you were able to get it . And STILL : Donât let your past (dv) stop you from wanting more . When you are ready, donât hesitate to dream about what job youâd rather have and look into training for that, many programs for single parents who want job training and those are Grants not loans. A truely helpful way to get ahead! All that to say NTA for feeling a âsome wayâ about no party, but donât feel badly; feel proud that you are doing well and keeping your baby safe â¤ď¸
I had to do just a cupcake and no presents for one kid. I want to say it was there 2nd Bday but guess what the next weekend or the weekend after her other parent & that side of the family got a whole party thrown together.
Sometime we canât do it on the exact Birthday and try not to feel guilty about that. We are doing the best we can and I am sure you can grab something small from your next check and just remember your baby doesnât know their Birthday from any other day at that age. Lots of parents celebrate the weekend before or after the actual day. Iâve also heard of parents celebrating half birthdays so if a childâs birthday is wintertime and they want a pool party they just add 6 months to the birthday which I thought was pretty nice.
You are doing great and sounds like your baby is lucky to have you! đ