AITA for not going to my sister-in-law’s salon to get ready for my graduation? I, 25F is the youngest of 3 kids. My brother 32M got married to his 9 years girlfriend now my sister-in-law 30F, 3 years ago. She is a good beautician but she doesn’t know how to handle my curly hair or my skin tone. I know this because I got her to help me get dress for a wedding previously and came out looking like I got flour all over my face. I’m a south asian woman mind you. So you can understand why I didn’t choose to go to her salon for my big day and choose the salon I went to over 10 years. That was just my decision. I thought since me and my brother – not to mention sister-in-law, aren’t close they won’t care much about it. But today an argument broke out and this came out. Apparently I was hurting them. So can I know AITA?
NTA- if she’s a talented beautician, she’d realize that people are regulars for a reason. Her clients would pick her over someone unfamiliar with their routine as well.
That’s what I thought she would think but they kept saying since she is family I should have gone to her salon, including both my parents.
I’m from an asian family as well, and there is a lot of guilt about not spending money with family if we’re going to spend money. Your parents want to support a family business or their DIL, or both- but that doesn’t make you TA. IDK if your mother has a preferred salon, or if she’s had an appointment at your SIL’s salon, but if she hasn’t or wouldn’t appreciate looking like she was covered in flour, maybe it’s worth having a private conversation with her. But remember, your boundaries matter and you shouldn’t be guilted into paying for a service that doesn’t work for you.
It was your graduation and you chose a salon you trust. That’s normal, practical decision, especially when hair texture and skin tone matter. You weren’t trying to hurt anyone, just wanted to feel confident on your big day. Feeling hurt doesn’t automatically mean you did something wrong.
NTA, you’re being pressured to put their wants/feelings before your own. There are times when we need to do that, but a special day like your graduation is your time to come first, not theirs.
Tell your family you prefer not to mix business and family and stick to it.
And what is wrong with simply telling the truth? That even though she’s a skilled beautician, she simply cannot handle the skin tone and hair texture of OP and OP was previously not happy with her results? SIL can go kick rocks. What’s the worst that can happen? They’re already on bad terms atm, what’s the point of a gentle lie?
Tell her the truth now and you don’t have to explain in the future when there’s an event calling for a beautician’s appointment.
NTA. Be good natured, say to her “I’m so sorry if you’re upset by my choice, but even though you are such a wonderful beautician and I have great respect for you skills, I’ve been going there for 10 years, and they know the little quirks of my skin and hair so well, I really wouldn’t want to go anywhere else! I’m sure you know how it is, you must have your regulars, and you know which products and colours and styles are best for them!”
If she continues being butt-hurt, simply say that it’s your life, your choice, and the choice is already made. You have your own beautician, and although you’re grateful for her kind offer you currently don’t need to change beauticians.
I don’t know why she even expected you to go to her? Is she offering her services for free or something? If the situation was reversed and you expected her to do your hair and face free she’d be on here complaining, but you just want to continue with the beautician you’re comfortable with. (Or are all her customers leaving her, because she leaves them looking like they’ve got flour all over their faces?!)
I already explained everything when they brought up this as calmly as possible. She is a talented one. She has a food customer base, not everyone ended up like me. It’s just my skin and hair is bit odd. I sweat a lot and my skin is oily. So apparently when the makeup is done normally in the way people in my country do, it end up looking like cracked ground. My normal salon nows this and take extra measures.
First, NTAH.
Second, It’s your money spend it where you want. Just let SIL know that you prefer the stylist you have now. You have been loyal to that person for years and they have treated you well in return. I have a general rule to never do any business with family. This way the familial relationship is not jeopardized by any bad business dealings. Just like how I never loan money to friends and family. I will give it to you as a gift or I wont give you anything. SIL should understand.
Finally, unless your mom/family is giving you money to spend at a particular place, they have no say in what or where you spend your money. Set clear boundaries now. Otherwise you will have people in your business indefinitely or until it ruins another relationship. Acknowledge their concerns/advice, but let them know what you want to do unapologetically.
NTA
First of all thank you everyone for the support but I want to clarify something. The one who yelled at me for not going to SIL was my brother not SIL. And between my parents my father was the one who gave me a whole lec about family bond and responsibilities. Also, I’m a graphic designer and my brother and SIL did not get my opinion or advice when they started this salon. So I genuinely thought they understood my pov. Since they didn’t like my work they did not ask me for any opinion and I did the same because I didn’t like her work. That’s all. But since this conversation came up, I started to doubt myself.
Tell her you go to a salon because if you don’t like the results, you can tell them without hurting feelings or dragging the issue into a family discussion.