Hello everyone, I’m gonna come on here right now because I feel like I am going completely insane and I really do want to figure this out. Me (f20) and my gf (f20) have had our ups and downs a lot and we have had our rough patches in the relationship over the past 2 years. We have been doing better recently though. Counting back to yesterday though, she was talking on the phone with one of her friends which also is her ex girlfriend, and just to clarify I did tell her that is was fine and I didn’t have a problem with her being friends with her . Her and her friend were on FaceTime talking and coming towards the end of the conversation the friend made a slight joke/ comment about my girlfriends breast and butt and I waited until she hung up to ask her what that was about. I did tell her I was a little uncomfortable with that regarding the fact that it is her ex girlfriend at the end of the day. My girlfriend agreed that it was a boundary and texted her friend that she should stop saying those comments. Immediately, the friend made a comment saying “you need to stop fucking with insecure mfs”. My girlfriend told me what she said and obviously I did get very upset, mind you she has never met me, nor spoken to me. I got very upset but I tried to let it go, this morning though I came to my girlfriend to let her know that I feel very uncomfortable with this whole situation. And I didn’t want my girlfriend to stop being friends with her but I at least wanted her to hear me out . We got into it and she kept bringing up all of the stuff from before, how my friends have talked bad about her and it’s true but all of those “friends” that I had werent the best people that’s why they aren’t in my life. Point is I just wanted her to hear me out and know I was super uncomfortable with this whole thing and I feel like I’m going insane and idk if I’m protecting my feelings or I am being too much ?
ESH – Ot’s 100% reasonable to tell your gf that her ex flirting with her ex made you uncomfortable. She basically just called you insecure. But you’ve been together 2 years and have had ‘ups and downs’ and this just reads as exhausting. You two aren’t a match.
There is zero communication and you two just throw back things from the past to excuse things in the present.
Just call it quits
I am just so scared of what is next for me, to be fair those breakups that we have had have been the worse and I never seem to get away . I even went into a different relationship and that relationship was probably the healthiest I had been in, but I couldn’t stop running back to her and that’s what I need to learn. I feel confused about what to do . I’m drained and I keep crawling back to the thing that hurts me most
You are 20! Wtf do you mean you’re afraid what’s next for you? You’re 20 and if a relationship isn’t working leave. Do ypu want to stay, waste your years/youth and later on (if she doesn’t leave you first) then worry about what’s next when you’re older?
You’re 20 OP – get some therapy bc you crawling back to what hurts you most and being scared of what’s next? Fuck, you’re 20!
Leave and get therapy to help you move on.
You’re being too much and you do come off very insecure. You’re jealous of a high school ex. The more you try to isolate your gf, the more she’ll hide her friendships from you until she decides she’s done with this relationship for good.
NTA. Dude, you’re not insane at all. That ex crossed a major line with that comment, and then calling you insecure for having a totally normal reaction is some top-tier gaslighting bullshit. Your girlfriend did the right thing by setting the boundary initially, but she majorly dropped the ball by not shutting down that disrespectful comment about you immediately. It’s not about you being insecure, it’s about her ex showing a complete lack of respect for your relationship. And her bringing up your old, crappy friends is just deflecting and avoiding the actual issue. You have every right to feel uncomfortable and to want your partner to have your back.
Oh to be 14 again