So a couple months ago I started a small social club. It’s still really new, but we’ve got a group chat and there are about 3–4 people who consistently show up to things. The whole idea was just to give people a way to meet up and hang out, nothing super formal.
Today I sent a message in the group chat saying something like: “Hey, I’ve been really busy lately but I’m hoping to organize something next week.”
Right after that, one of the girls in the group basically didn’t acknowledge my message at all and instead sent something like, “Anyone want to go out Saturday?”
One of the other one person replied to her saying they’d love to tag along or to let them know if they go. That person at least acknowledged my message earlier, but the girl who asked about Saturday never did.
Technically I know people can make plans whenever they want, and I guess it’s a good sign that people from the group want to hang out with each other. But the timing just felt a little weird to me because it was literally right after my message, and she didn’t acknowledge it at all.
For some reason it rubbed me the wrong way and I felt a little annoyed about it. I’m not sure if that’s reasonable or if I’m overreacting since the whole point of the group is for people to socialize. But I did create the croup and I’ve been organizing every meet up.
So AITA for feeling a bit pissed off about this, or should I just be happy that people are actually connecting and hanging out?
But I feel snubbed or like she’s trying to take over? AITA?
Look, she didn’t have to formally acknowledge your message. Maybe she thought she was helping out.
This is a good sign, it means the group is a success. You can simply say “I’ll join!”
You aren’t an ah for feeling your feelings, as long as you don’t let them poison your group. Don’t be petty.
NAH
>or should I just be happy that people are actually connecting and hanging out?
If they are socializing without you, as well as with you, that means the social club itself was a success. People are mingling.
>So AITA for feeling a bit pissed off about this
>I feel snubbed or like she’s trying to take over
You’re trying to make this about you.
YTA for getting annoyed over nothing
INFO – Are you interested in meeting/hanging out, or are you more interested in being acknowledged?
YTA. You created a group for people to arrange social outings and now your nose is bent out of shape because people are arranging social outings but not explicitly acknowledging you are not available? Wow, talk about main character syndrome. Probably the other person saw your message and thought “well, OP isn’t available to arrange a thing, but I’m free Saturday, let me see if anyone else is”. You seem to be upset because their message said “is anyone available Saturday“ instead of “even though OP, who has been so wonderful in arranging things so far, can’t make it, does anyone want to get together Saturday, even though it won’t be nearly as much fun and we will just spend our time wishing OP was able to join?”
You see how ridiculous that is?
Soft YTA
Texts are terrible and one must NOT read things into them that aren’t, or may not be there.
This girl ‘could’ have said, in her head ‘oh shoot, John isn’t arranging anything, that’s too bad he’s busy, I could really use a night out. I wonder if I ask others if there’s still an interset in doing something?’
Then she sends her text.
You are reading it as ‘ whatever, screw John, I’m going ignore him and make my own plans with the group’
Maybe YOUR text should have said ‘I’m’ really busy but don’t let that stop you if you want to get together anywyas’
Don’t read into it, send a text back saying ‘awesome, glad you guys are getting together, catch up with you next week!’
YTA. “The whole idea was just to give people a way to meet up and hang out, nothing super formal.” – and that’s exactly what she’s doing. She’s not excluding you, you’d be perfectly welcome to join on Saturday, you just happen not to be available. Why are you the only one who gets to plan stuff?
You aren’t the jerk for your feelings, because those aren’t controllable. You would be if you acted on them.
The group is doing just what it is supposed to do: Communicate with others about hanging out.
I’m guessing the girl who posted about Saturday discovered her schedule was open, and wanted to fill it. In the same way I post on my FB or message my friend group when I have sudden unexpected calendar space.
If you want to be the only organizer, then it needs to be “Dave Plans Events” group.
YTA. You’re talking about next week, you made a general statement that really didn’t warrant a response. The other person asked specifically about Saturday – an interrogative, prompting an answer + they don’t know when you’re talking about next week but know they want to hang Saturday when that was asked.
You’re overthinking things.
YTA.
The offer to do something Saturday was posted in the group chat which you can see, they didn’t exclude you, they just chose not to wait for you to organize something since you’ve been busy.
YTA. its a social club, not a “hang out with new_nail2848” club
YWBTA if you make a thing of it. N T A for feeling left out, that’s natural, but this was the purpose of the club, for people to meet and socialize together. If you’ve created something where people have met and become friends and are planning outings and such together, you’ve succeeded.
It doesn’t always have to be you organizing it, after a while you might be relieved to have someone else make plans and you can just attend and enjoy. Be happy someone else stepped up while you’ve been busy, and when you have time you can plan more stuff and join in if others make plans too.
YTA. Your message doesnʻt seem to call for a response? I mean, people could react with a thumbs-up or whatever, but it doesnʻt seem necessary, and itʻs not like you asked a question.
In fact, I feel like her message is a very appropriate follow-up. You implied that you wouldnʻt be organizing anything for this weekend – therefore, if someone else did, they wouldnʻt be stepping on your toes.
In contrast, if you said you were hoping to organize something for Saturday, and she immediately suggested her own outing for Saturday, that would be her trying to take over.
YTA.
You should be happy people want to connect. You should let go any PO feeling
She joined wanting to do things, you said you were swamp, she said “hey lets do things”
this is a GOOD thing.