My (34M) brother went into the army about 10yrs ago and got kicked out for being completely incompetent. After the service he came to lived with our mother and grandparents and me in my grandparents house, after being away for a couple of more years my brother went to lived with relatives for a little while that is until the fight between him and my cousin.
My brother has always been the jealous type. I got most of the attention from our mother and grandparents growing up. Anyway while living at our relatives house he got into a physical altercation with our cousin and the police had to be called and take my brother to the whacky shack. So my brother came home. At first I was happy to have my brother back home. But all my brother ever did while living with us is eat, sleep and play video games. He barely talked or interacted with me and when he did it was always tense and awkward. He eventually got a job and started working and I thought things were improving (I was wrong). Only six months after starting his new job he demanded a raise which was denied and a couple of months after that he was injured at work, which I helped to care of him.
Another couple of months we went to a car dealership and while i was talking to the sales rep my brother got into an altercation with another costumer and as our mother tried to talk him down my brother almost knocked her down. Afterwards on the drive home he asked in a childlike voice if we could go out for ice cream cream, then the drinking started in order to deal with the pain of his work place injury he started drinking and acting out. He would come behind our mother and hump her and make her really uncomfortable, she almost kicked him out that first time but I intervened on his behalf cause he is my brother and i love him and didn’t want him out on the street, when her friend was over at the house he started drinking and defying our mother leading to an embarrassing situation. When another relative was over visiting our house he made her and our mother uncomfortable. And last and not least comes the reason that I had him kicked out. I was late for an appointment and asked him if he could help me with a shoe and he just threw me out of his room for no reason I didn’t do anything to him to warrant such treatment. For the record since living with us he has treated me like an insignificant bug that annoys him. When our mother confronted him he screamed in her face and stomped off and left for the night. The next day we tries talking to him and he basically gaslit me saying that aIl I was doing were things that we know was all him and called me ignorant and basically said that all i do is complain about life.
Me and our mother and thought that if he hit rock bottom it would force him to wake up and take responsibility. Our mother having had enough of his behavior and worried about my safety kicked him out of the house. So Reddit AITA?i
Nope. He wasn’t kicked out because of you. He did that to himself
no your nta. violence always produces a victim. better that your family is still standing. be well, no guilt we all live our own path
NTA obviously.
You didn’t get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out.
This sounds like PTSD but you can’t help him if he’s not willing to try
My stepbrother tried to join, was 5150’d and 15 years later he’s homeless because being indoors stresses him out
He is adamant he doesn’t want help
NTA
Exactly I tried to get him to open up but he just shut down
You can’t want things for people they don’t want for themselves 🤷♀️
NTA. You are not responsible for your brother being kicked out; his own violent and disturbing behavior is.
He has physically endangered your mother, harassed her (humping her to make her uncomfortable), and has a history of physical altercations requiring police intervention. The incident regarding your appointment was simply the final straw in a long pattern of abuse and instability. Kicking him out wasn’t about “getting him back” for a small argument-it was a necessary step for your mother’s safety and your own. You didn’t fail him; he failed to respect the basic safety and boundaries of the people who cared for him.
Thank you. But it’s just not easy to know he is out there.
NTA, time to let him sink or swim on his own.
NTA. Removing a potentially violent alcoholic from your home is self preservation. All you can do at this point is tell him you love him and that you’ll help him get to a rehab or AA meeting or some such program. Alcohol can dramatically change the brain, so until he stops drinking and lets his brain heal he is just a shadow of your brother.
NTA – but your brother sure is.
And it’s fantastic to see such an obviously “not AI” post. Unusual but understandable terms “whacky shack”. Some big words “physical altercation” instead of fight. Lost words “I helped to care of him”.
We could see how the story played out but also there were enough grammar oddities that we know that this was written by a real human.
OP don’t feel guilty. Your brother needs help far beyond what the family can give him. By forcing him to face the real world, he has no option but to learn to be responsible adult.
Our relative has had to face this with his brother, who even at the age of 61 still refuses to grow up. The brother is currently “living” in a block of garages the family own, but we all expect brother to be back inside in the near future for “Behaviour likely to cause alarm or offence”. We know this relative can control it WHEN HE CHOOSES TO as he never did it at family gatherings. But having your relative known as “The one-legged flasher” (that was a newspaper headline) sure causes you to think. We have JUST discovered that his “inappropriate behaviour” goes back to when he was 20 (1984).
“Behaviour likely to cause alarm or offence” are often no worse than some TikTok pranks that might be excusable when done by a teen. But.he.just.will.not.stop….