Throwaway because the post I made on my main account got taken down because I worded it badly and made it seem like there was no interpersonal conflict.
So I (19M) have a brother (18M) who I’ll call Leo. I love Leo very much, but one thing that’s made it a bit tough to be around him is that he can be self-centered and entitled at times. For example, whenever our family is going to a restaurant or fast food place somewhere, my brother always has his own suggestion on where to go and always sulks a bit when his idea isn’t chosen. However, what he’s done now crosses the line from entitlement to straight-up theft.
About two years ago, I was flying out of my hometown for two weeks to go to a national math convention with some classmates and teachers from high school. During said convention, I got really hungry at one point and tried to get some food at a nearby store. However, the store wouldn’t accept cash, which was all I had. To avoid this happening to me again at the next convention a year later, my parents gave me a Visa gift card with a little over $200 on it. However, I ended up not using the card at all and my parents let me keep it.
A few months ago, I started using the card to buy games on Steam on my computer. I was keeping track of how much money was left on the card in my head and thought it had around $180 left on it. However, when I tried to buy two new games today, the card was declined. I checked how much money was left on it and there was $32.17 left on it and payments that I didn’t remember making. I immediately began to suspect Leo had taken my card because 1. the card was still where I always leave it and 2. he had taken my school-issued laptop without asking a few years ago (whole other story). Instead of confronting him, however, I went to our mom and told her someone else had been using my Visa gift card. When I showed the payments I didn’t make to her, we discovered that an Applebee’s a payment had been made at was in our hometown. At this point, I was totally sure Leo had taken it and my mom suspected it too. When she called him into the room, Leo immediately admitted that he had used the card to buy Applebee’s and a DoorDash gift card on Amazon and my mom and dad were FURIOUS. At first, he wasn’t really angry but he was defending himself by saying stuff like "my paycheck from work this week wasn’t as much as I thought it was gonna be and I was really mad" and "I was gonna replace it as soon as I was able to because I didn’t think anyone would notice." When I told Leo I suspected it was him before I went to our mom, though, he got mad at me. He said it would’ve been better if I had gone to him first and not gotten our parents involved. While I was and still am mad with Leo, I’m beginning to wonder if he may have been right. I don’t think I’m an AH for speaking out but my mom was in tears and I feel bad for her. AITA for getting our parents involved when my brother used my money without my permission?
NTA
He’s a thief. Your brother robbed you. He continues down this path he won’t jus have angry parents, he will have a criminal record. He’s an adult in the eyes of the law, he can’t just do as he pleases and get away with it.
You’re right about everything. My mom and dad have probably already told him something along the lines of this comment, but I’ll make sure to tell him as well tomorrow morning. Even after what he’s done, I still love my brother so I’ll try to help him by explaining how he could and will go to jail for doing stuff like this.
Don’t keep protecting him though. Tell him next time you want tell him or your parents, that you will report the theft. He needs to pay you back with his next paycheck and if he needs help in the future he must ask.
Trust me, I have no intention of protecting him from the consequences of his actions. Our mom and dad made him promise to pay me back in full and if he ever does anything like this again, rest assured I will be getting the police involved.
NTA
Youre both young – be aware this issue will be there for the rest of your life… bro is selfish and cannot be trusted…
NTA.
“Bro, when you get your paycheck I expect to get paid back first. And don’t touch my shit.”
NTA; you’re both kids (in high school obvs but still). If my brother had done similar to me when I was 18, I’d have told my parents about it right away.
I’m actually a freshman in college, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who would’ve told our parents.
Your parents need to know. If your brother would steal from you, he would steal from them. They need to check their accounts as well.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with getting someone else’s help to deal with the situation. Your brother straight up stole from you and it’s good that this behavior gets nipped in the bud now. He needs to learn that when we don’t have as enough money for something that we want, need to wait.
NTA.
Honestly, I think if you hadn’t brought them in on it, you would have been enabling him. When someone starts with any type of issues (theft, gambling, drugs), it always starts by people, especially family members, enabling them. If you keep doing it, it just helps the problem grow. It’s best to stop and confront him now before he gets to deep to pull back.