I’m not calling him my stepson because I did not help raise him, my husband had a wild youth and this is just one of the many children he never had custody of. This boy turned 18 and moved in with us literally that very same weekend. I’m 32 and I’m closer in age to him than his dad, so I really don’t have any motherly instinct towards him. He’s a nice kid, don’t get me wrong but this is an awkward situation.
The issue is that he consistently leaves dried "bodily secretions" stains on the toilet seat and on the floor of his room. I have left klorox wipes prominently displayed next to the toilet in the bathroom, he did not seem to take the hint. I do not want to talk to him about it, I’m sorry, I think that’s something his dad should do. His dad seems to not want to talk to him about it either, and he expects me to just clean this up and not be disgusted by it. He says that’s what a mother would do. Is that true? Mothers and stepmothers, is this what you have to put up with? My husband is the breadwinner and I do all the housework, so I am expected to just do this. My husband doesn’t want to ask his son to do any chores around the house because he wants him to be able to focus on doing well in college and balancing his social life with all of the things he has to do. I feel like the least my husband could do is just bring up the fact that these are shared spaces and he should be more mindful of how he leaves them.
Is this what it’s like in other families? Am I somehow being selfish for not wanting to constantly be confronted by "bodily secretions"?
You are not being selfish, but you are also not doing yourself any favors by not talking to him about it.
“Please wipe your cum off the toilet seat so I do not have to”. It is that easy
One of the many children your husband doesn’t have custody of?
Yikes.
Is being in a relationship with this much older man that has no discernment or control when it comes to reproducing really worth it? You didn’t run when you found out about the multiple kids he didn’t have custody of? He didn’t do right by his own flesh and blood, why do you think he’d do right by you?
18 is an adult. It’s very possible he’s leaving these stains as some sort of humiliation ritual. He should be embarrassed for anyone to see this. Self- pleasure is completely normal and healthy. But, constantly leaving messes is not. Even if you were this boy’s mother, you shouldn’t be expected to clean this. NTA for not wanting to do something disgusting for an able-bodied, fully capable adult, but this relationship sounds like nonstop red flags
Serious question OP: why are you MARRIED TO a man who, by your own admission, is significantly older than you and was not a father to his multiple children from multiple baby mamas? Why are you with a man who expects you to clean up after his adult child? How many red flags to you need?
YWBTA if you stay and tolerate this.
Why is he depositing bodily secretions on the floor of his bedroom? I don’t even want to imagine what that means.
Yeah no dudes are gross and that’s on them. AND tolerating their gross behavior is also a choice.
Dudes can be gross, but this is an abnormal amount of grossness and lack of respect for property.
NTA
But girl you got yourself in quite a pickle there.
You went into a relationship with a much older male and allowed yourself to get completely dependent on him after knowing he is a deadbeat who jizzes babies in women wherever he gets a chance and then abandons both.
Please tell me you at least didnt procreate with this loser.
Time for you to start looking for a job and to start squirreling away money somewhere he doesnt have access and prepare your exit.
She’s closer in age to his son in years, but that husband is 18 in his head. He’ll replace his partners with younger models as long as he’s able. This lady needs a job, now.
This is what I would tell the lovely young lady for whom my ex husband left my son and I, if she would listen.
NTA. How the hell would your husband know so much about “what mothers do” when he’s never stuck around to see one at work? Please don’t have kids with this guy.
So … you knowingly married a dead beat dad & you expect him to suddenly be responsible for his kids? Girl pls .
YTA to yourself for having your bar for marriage in hell .
His kid is an adult – he should be embarrassed to be doing this around the house . Your poor excuse of a husband isn’t going to be any help – he has you trapped at home .
I have an idea of why he moved in “that very weekend” when he turned 18. Mom said, “You are legal age now. Get tf out of my house.”
*my husband had a wild youth and this is just one of the many children he never had custody of*
Why exactly did you marry this man?
Because anyone who reads this post will likely respond the same way I am responding
NTA for not wanting to clean up this specific thing
YTA for marrying this guy in the first place. The warning signs were everywhere. You just ignored them for reasons unknown
>my husband had a wild youth and this is just **one of the many children he never had custody of**.
what…. attracted you to this man?