I live in a border state in the US. Over the last few years, especially around 3 years ago, we had a noticeable increase in people crossing the border. It’s slowed down since last year, but locals are still aware of it and sometimes run into people passing through. Some folks around here even help them out, especially in winter when conditions are dangerous.
Because of that, I’ve had a few encounters over the years with people who were clearly not from here and who, frankly, stood out in uncomfortable ways. Poor hygiene, strong body odor, littering, and mannerisms that don’t really fit in here, like bobbing their head a lot while talking or using speakerphone in public. I’m not saying everyone is like this, just that it’s been my experience a handful of times.
Anyway, I was at a gas station the other day and started chatting with a guy who turned out to be Canadian. We were talking casually, and for whatever reason the topic of fitting in came up. I told him that if he plans on spending time in the US, it might help to be mindful of things like personal hygiene, not littering, and certain public behaviors that people here find rude, like talking on speakerphone in public. I said it in what I thought was a friendly, well-meaning way, like general advice, not an attack.
He got visibly upset and basically shut down the conversation. He said I was being rude and judgmental. I was honestly surprised because I wasn’t trying to insult him personally. I was just trying to give advice that might help him avoid negative reactions from people here. He didn’t seem dirty or anything. It was more general advice based on what I’ve noticed in the past with people who aren’t from around here.
Now I’m wondering if I crossed a line. I thought I was being helpful, but clearly he took it badly.
So AITA?
INFO: Was this in any way influenced by this person’s race? Because, as a Canadian myself, I’m kind of feeling like there is something other than just ‘Canadian’ at play here.
YTA everyone deserves a chance to prove who they are before you judge them
YTA for the way you phrased this, you made it sound like he was a worst case scenario.
YTA. Feels like there is a lot you are not saying quite loudly…
As a Canadian I’m willing to put money on the kind of “Canadian” OP encountered …
IYKYK
YTA. You see someone at a gas station who doesn’t display any of the negative behaviors you observed and you go in and start telling him to mind his hygiene and schooling him on things you saw from others.
You knew nothing about him, assumed the worst just because he is not from the US and started “educating” him. He was absolutely right, you were being mean and judgmental.
>bobbing their head a lot while talking
Are you describing the South Park Canadian caricature? /s
YTA… do we really have to explain why?
So your advice was basically, “don’t be a smelly slob?” YTA.
I think I know what OP is inplying
YTA. I think you’re confusing common courtesy with some kind of weird racial thing. I live in a blue collar white area of the United States and let me tell you people litter, smell, yell, harass. This isn’t an ethnic thing.
Yes you are. Why would you think that was an okay thing to say? Just because he’s Canadian?
YTA.
Ironic you were trying to give him advice on how to be polite.
YTA.
\> Now I’m wondering if I crossed a line. I thought I was being helpful…
Are you really, though? Did you really?
I don’t think so. I think you are lying.