Before I get into it, my wife and I are fine, this isn’t a big argument or anything, it was a funny debate we had over the holidays, she just wants me to get the opinions of others because our family is split over this.
Every Christmas, I (30F) give my wife (31F) a photo album. The first few times, it was hand made (including binding the actual album, the things I did for love), which she loved. They live on our bookcase in the living room, and we both really value the memories they contain. I will admit I have got more lazy over the years, and I’ve used a website which takes the photos and makes a printed photo album. We have kids now, it’s hard to find time to make anything from scratch, but I still wanted to give her a photo album (for the memories), even if it isn’t handmade.
Her reactions have been getting less excited for the past few years, and this year she barely looked through it. We were both distracted trying to stop our youngest from eating cardboard, so I thought nothing of it. When her parents came over (after the kids got busy playing with their new toys), the debate started. She wants me to stop getting the albums, she doesn’t like the printed ones and feels that they just take up space.
I feigned offence, acting as though I was hugely wounded by her dislike of one of the gifts I got her. Her mom sided with me, saying that the memories are priceless, but her dad sided with her. The trend continued when we went to my brothers house and my family was split pretty much 50/50.
I like the printed albums, it’s a good way to still have physical pictures even though I don’t have time to make new ones. My wife thinks that if I can’t make ones like I used to, then I shouldn’t gift her the printed ones.
Am I the asshole for giving my wife photo albums for Christmas?
Soft YTA. I mean, you can tell she’s not into them anymore. Giving someone something you know they don’t like isn’t cool. Also find it not cool to turn it into a whole thing, no matter how light hearted.
It seems like its not a bid deal, which is good. But don’t give them to her again next year. Playful or not she’s made it clear.
I’m giving your wife a mild AH. Putting the Shutterfly albums still takes an effort. I would do them here and there for special occasions/vacations. I put time and effort into selecting the photos, the arrangements, backgrounds and writing the text for each page. Is it “hand” made? No, but the effort and thought are there.
And all of that means nothing if the person receiving the gift doesn’t actually want it.
YTA if you keep doing it. I can see how knowing you’re going to be getting the same gift every year can get monotonous. It also means you’re not putting a lot of thought into the gift itself. All you’re doing is going through pictures at the end of the year.
Additionally you added that you like having the physical copies. If you’re doing it it because you like it that’s not really a gift for your wife. You can at least switch it up for her. Maybe a blanket with a picture or a coffee cup. But it really seems like you had a good idea at one point and you’ve been coasting on that idea for years.
Since she’s told you she doesn’t like them you would be TA if you continue to do it. Photo albums really aren’t that hard to make, and the printed ones feel cheap and lazy. If you really want to do physical photos, get a larger one and add a few pages each year together. Everyone can pick a few of their favorite memories for the year and it can be a nice little family tradition. But please get her an actual Christmas present that shows you love her and listen to her, because this isn’t it.
The album is just one of her gifts. We usually get each other one big gift and then a few other small things (usually consumables, and of course, the album). This year I got her tickets to a musical she’s been desperate to see. I would absolutely be the asshole if the album was the only gift.
I wouldn’t want photos that I already owned in a Shutterfly made album, honestly. It would be different if it were a gift given to me by my kids of photos they had taken of grandkids, for example. She asked you to stop, so you should stop.
I guess NAH if it’s not actually a big deal argument. However, I am leaning more towards your wife’s side.
It sounds like you’re both kind of over the albums as a gift, her especially. If you want albums every year, you can still do them, just stop making it a gift for her.
It just sounds like since you’re not hand-making them anymore, the novelty has worn off.
The heart and effort isn’t as in them right now.
These aren’t the only gifts you give her right? I truly hope they aren’t..
She is also in said albums too, right? I only ask that second question because mom’s tend to be the picture takers.
Albums are beautiful to have, and take a lot of work, but maybe you can start a new tradition. Have your kids help make something, like a scrapbook of their artwork. There’s also those Aura frames.
But now that you know how she feels about the company-made ones, I think you should stop now. Maybe revisit them as an ‘every 3 years’ thing or something. I’m also not sure if I believe that your offense was feigned. I’m sure it hurt, and that’s ok. Just adjust accordingly now.
YTA. You’re clearly giving her a gift that YOU want at this point, and weirdly arguing with her about it
I would go about this one of two ways: first, you could simply choose a couple of your favorite photos from the year and instead of doing an album, get them framed. Second, see if you can find a place that can print them in a way that makes it look less mass manufactured, and then still do your own binding, even if it’s tedious.
As another person said, it seems like you may both be growing less fond of the photo albums, despite the nostalgia they have, so there’s no harm in moving away from them and finding a new tradition.
YTA.
>She wants me to stop getting the albums, she doesn’t like the printed ones and feels that they just take up space.
You’re giving them as a gift, and she no longer wants them. You don’t seem to know that “no” means “no.”
YTA if you continue giving her photo albums– the question isn’t whether a photo album is a good gift in theory, it’s whether your wife wants to keep getting photo albums as gifts, and she doesn’t. It’s rude to give someone something you know they don’t want, no matter how special you think it is.
That said, I think you should keep making a yearly album, as it’s something that you like having around, but don’t make it a gift to your wife. Give her something she’ll actually be excited about!
Maybe once your kids are older, you could make putting together the yearly album a family activity/tradition with them– they’d probably enjoy it, and it would make the album more special. (Still don’t give it to your wife, though– just have it be a family thing).
NTA. If you continue to gift her photo albums in the future, you would be. Small suggestion since you still like them: keep doing them, just don’t give them as a gift. You still get the nostalgia of the photo albums and she no longer gets it a s a gift.
It sounds like you’re putting minimal effort in (just uploading your photo library and letting Shutterfly take care of it? At least choose the best photos, edit them, and make a sensible layout) so they’re probably not great. However, I’d say that having something like this in the future would be nice, if you put a bit more care into it. My suggestion would be to keep making them, with a bit more thought, but don’t give them as gifts to your wife. Just make them for you all to enjoy and get her a real present! YTA