It’s been going for about a month and I don’t think I will ever stop. This might sound like an asshole of me.
Around a week or two ago, my family were eating dinner while watching the TV, and I was laying down infront of my younger sister, let’s call her Lyn. I really dislike it when people touch my face. ESPECIALLY when they didn’t wash their hands. Lyn really likes to touch people faces. I warned her many times not to touch my face and that was the final straw. She done it to me A LOT and I warned her many times until that day. I didn’t scream, I didn’t shout. I just raised my voice and told her to not touch my face anymore and she reacted as if I just insulted her. I DIDNT insult her at all. I just said "Don’t touch my face" period. She got up, went to her bedroom and slammed the door. She even made a face. I, of course was annoyed cuz, why is she the one who’s upset?
That night, I couldn’t stand her making a face whenever she sees me so, I told my mom about it. BUT my mom made it like I was at fault. She said something like "That’s what I feel when you don’t listen to me" Like. WDYM I didn’t listen to you? I atleast helped you around the house unlike the other 2 capable servants you gave birth to.
A few days after that, I didn’t really talk to my mother or Lyn. At times when my mother called to help her, I spoke when necessary. To Lyn, I didn’t speak to her at all. One day, my older sister messaged me, asking why I haven’t been speaking with Lyn. She mentioned Lyn being sad that I haven’t spoken to her. Atp, I theorized, Lyn didn’t tell her the full story so, I told her what happened. I even let out my feelings as well. I said I hated this house, I hate Lyn, I hate people who don’t respect my boundaries. My older sister sent a ss of her talking to Lyn. In that ss, she ss my reply n sent it to Lyn. Lyn replied, saying, I was overreacting, and touching my face wasn’t a big of a deal. It’s not as if she has germs on her hands that could kill me. ATP it’s not about the touching anymore, it’s about Lyn not realizing her mistake, not respecting my boundary and painting herself as the victim. Low and behold, My older sister sided with Lyn. She said, if I didn’t raise my voice, this would have not happened.
I haven’t been chatting with my older sister since. A day or two ago, I was helping with my mother in the kitchen when she asked me, when I was going to apologize to Lyn. I was surprised since when I cried to her, she blamed it on me. I said never until she apologizes to me first. My mother said the exact same thing my older sister said to me.
This may sound like an asshole of me, you guys might think I’m overreacting, but, I stand on my decision. I want you guys’ opinion if I was really the asshole and need to apologize. I don’t think I was in the wrong.
NTA. Your sister repeatedly violated your boundaries even after being told multiple times. The silent treatment isn’t great long-term, but I get why you feel hurt. You’re allowed to protect your space, especially when others refuse to respect it.
How old are you and your sisters?
I’m 18 Lyn’s 17 and my oldest sister is 21
Oh wow, I had assumed your sister was far younger (like 8 or 10) with that behaviour. There is no excuse for specifically touching your face when you have expressed your dislike, aside from immaturity or bullying. NTA, but silent treatment might not fix anything.
Forgive her but don’t forget. In other words don’t get that close to her in the first place because she’ll do it again.
I thought of apologizing first but rn it might not sound genuine and I myself dislike half-ass apologies since I’m still upset. Plus, from old experiences with family conflict, apologizing makes it look like I really was at fault and my pride doesn’t allow that. Maybe I’ll apologize to her soon but when I’m ready
Definitely NTA! I hate being touched anywhere, let alone my face. The silent treatment may not be the way to go, but if it keeps her away from you,
It seems to be the only consequence Lyn cares about
NTA but how old are you? This sounds like typical teenage nonsense. I hope you both grow out if it. She shouldn’t be touching you face but a month of silent treatment is silly. You all need to learn boundaries and how to handle conflicts.
I’m 18, Lyn’s 17 and oldest sister is 21. Looking back, yeah it sounds like us teens making a problem from something trivial. I thought of apologizing first but I feel like it won’t be genuine since right now I’m still upset.
My husband knows not to touch my face at night after I do my night routine. Took 1-2 hand slap, but now he knows 🙂
The problem with your sister is that she knows you hate it, but doesn’t think it is a big deal, and keep doing it anyway. NTA
Jeez, from the tone of the post I would have guessed you were 15 and 12, not 18 and 17.
NTA, however. This situation is not a failing on your part, but you do have the power to do something about it.
Yes, this is petty teenage bullshit, and unless you want it to define your relationship with your sister for the foreseeable future you need to do something to change the course the two of you are on. That doesn’t necessarily need to be an unreserved apology, but it does need to be a conversation. Try approaching her and asking if you can clear the air. If she’s willing to talk, then calmly lay out the situation as you understand it: the reasons why she feels hurt (regardless of whether you think she’s justified in feeling that way) and then the reasons why you were hurt by her behaviour. Making an effort to understand her point of view may encourage her to understand yours in return.
If you seem to be getting onto the same page, then that might be a good time to explain your boundaries: you feel uncomfortable when people touch your face, and you would like her to refrain from doing that in the future. You’ve probably already communicated this to her, but if the conversation is heading in a productive direction then that’s a good time to reiterate it.
If she gets defensive, you can try to remind her that you want to have this chat so that you can repair your relationship. Ask her if there’s something about her perspective that you’re not understanding. She may have a bigger issue underpinning her behaviour. Alternatively, prodding her to look for one may make her realise that it really isn’t that deep.
That’s all the advice this old millennial has to offer. I’m no expert, but I did do a few years with a crisis intervention helpline, so I like to think I picked up a couple of conflict resolution techniques there. Give it a go and see if you can’t make some progress towards mutual understanding.
I thought of apologizing first but rn it might not sound genuine and I myself dislike half-ass apologies since I’m still upset. Plus, from old experiences with family conflict, apologizing makes it look like I really was at fault and my pride doesn’t allow that. Maybe I’ll apologize to her soon but when I’m ready. Really, Your comment has been the most helpful so far. Thank you. really