AITA? Me 33f and my husband 37m have been together 16 years and married for 10. My husbands brother 31 and his wife 30 have been together 10 married 4. Despite me and my husband being the older couple we do every Christmas and thanksgiving at my brother and sisters home. They wanted it that way and I am not one to make a fuss. One Christmas their 2 year old was sick and we were not going to be able to come to their house to celebrate Christmas on the day everyone had scheduled around. In my head we had all made plans to gather that day so I offered for everyone else to come to our home and I would cook. I mindlessly sent my sister in law a snap complaining my mother in law was late . Well they set off a chain of events. My sister in law – let’s call her Carol loses her mind which in return causes my brother in law to call his mom (my mother in law) and say “it was a slap in the face” that we gathered without them. Mind you we all were getting together AGAIN to celebrate with them anyway once the child was better. AITA for us getting together and having a planned meal without them when their child was extremely contagious? I feel like when you have tiny children sometimes you miss out on things when they are sick? Should the whole world have to stop because you aren’t able to do something? Like I said I never ever make a fuss and I absolutely would never hurt someone’s feelings maliciously.
For clarification my MIL was in charge of redirecting folks to my house . When I sent the snap I DIDNT know they hadn’t been informed .
INFO: when you rescheduled the plans to change the location, did you mention that to your BIL & his wife?
ESH you should have been more clear telling SIL that you would all gather when their kid was healthy. And she could have been more understanding that it’s ok for everyone to gather anyway, even if they can’t because their kid was sick.
NTA but maybe you could been more tactful, i guess they felt bummed they had to cancel and when you said that, they feel excluded. I do think it makes sense for the rest of the people to gather and enjoy family time in a special date, why would you have to enjoy seing the rest of the family?
NTA. Tell the sis in law when the kid is better everyone will go to there and celebrate. I don’t see why everything should be cancelled cause there kid is sick
YTA for not so much as giving them an FYI before complaining to them about an event they were not part of.
N T A for hosting everyone but it would have been soooooo easy to let them know it was happening because everyone had prepared for it but that the rescheduled celebration would be the ‘actual’ event.
NTA. If anything, I think you helped create a situation where the family will spend more time together, and that’s great (now there will be 2 celebrations instead of just 1). I would be interested in understanding your SIL/BIL stance a bit more because I think there might be something more to it. Maybe your husband could reach out and try and have a conversation?
As a side note, I would advise that you be cautious of those nasty snaps about your MIL. That can get you into a lot trouble.
I think NTA but there was definitely a breakdown in communication. I think you should have told her about the change of plans. But I think she’s being a little over sensitive since I’m assuming she wouldnt have gone anyway? This all seems a little blown out of proportion.
I think most responders are misunderstanding what happened here. Or else I am. Their kid was sick, and they rescheduled Christmas for another day. Then you offered to everyone else to gather at your house on the actual day, since everyone had planned to get together. Correct? If so, NTA. You weren’t excluding them – they had a sick kid and were unavailable on the day, and they were to be included in the rescheduled celebration where gifts would be exchanged, etc. No one wanted them to stop by – they had contagious illness in the house and had already said they couldn’t get together.
Honestly, in my experience, if your kids are sick and you miss the holiday, you just miss the holiday. No one has ever rescheduled it for me, it just goes on as planned, without me and my sick kids. Maybe I’ve gotten together with a small group later to exchange gifts if we’re talking about Christmas. But I think they were already treated with more consideration than might be expected. There is nothing wrong with the rest of the family still enjoying the holiday together. Probably not a great practice to vent about annoying relatives in a group chat where people are stuck home with sick kids, though. They’re not likely to want to sympathize.
Yes exactly
NTA. It is not a ‘slap in the face’ to continue celebrating a holiday even though they had to sit it out due to illness. Did they really think everyone should just ignore Christmas entirely – until the make-up date that is – because their kid was sick?
HOWEVER. I think you probably read the room wrong and your text was seen as ‘rubbing it in’ that they were celebrating without you. They are evidently prone to feeling left out / FOMO / whatever and seeing that you’ve known them for a decade, you’d probably know this about them. The text was pretty unnecessary, or minimally you totally misjudged how it would land. Doesn’t make you an AH.
YTA for not letting them know you decided to do an impromptu get together. I understand they cancelled (as they should since a sick child leads to other sick folks), and that you all immediately rescheduled a Christmas get together when the kiddo was healthy. But, if the first time sister in law even heard about your get together was your snap chat complaining about your MIL I can absolutely see why she was upset and feeling excluded outside of a day of vent about MIL being late. That was the slap in the face. And, given that you felt it necessary to mention that even though you’re the older couple of the siblings in the family holidays are at your SILs home I would wager a guess you have some feelings about that and maybe your accidental day of text to those not invited (excluded) was an opportunity to get a dig in. (Accidentally of course)
YTA
I mean did you fuck up by accidentally complaining to the wrong person?!! YAS.
It’s weird how you feel entitled host just because you’re the “elder couple”. No one cares how long you’ve been together or how old you are.
They are overreacting in a big way. They couldn’t make it, so now no one else is allowed to gather on Christmas? Cuz god forbid they feel left out… they need to grow up. NTA
NTA, I had to cancel Christmas at my house last minute and everyone went to my sister’s house. Did it suck? Yes! It was nobody’s fault and I was not mad at the rest of my family.