Hi, I (16F) am writing this out of pure curiosity and confusion as i do not know whether i went too far within this situation or not. I’m apart of friendship circle containing 7 people including myself. Last year around September we had a new addition to our circle, i’ll call her Bella. Olivia invited Bella to her birthday party to be inclusive as she didn’t want to leave anyone out ,hangouts after the party led to them growing closer as friends. I would like to mention Olivia suffers from severe anxiety (she is on medication and doing a lot better) and i think this is vital within the story.
Anyway, we had nearly finished the school year and all us other girls had noticed how close Olivia and Bella had gotten and we we’re happy for Olivia as she found it difficult to meet new people and bond over the same topics. We all hung out throughout school but as time went on, Olivia and Bella would leave our table throughout lunch to just wander with each other, we didn’t mind because we’ve all done this before at some point. But it got to the point where they constantly only spoken to each other and no one else. Hope and myself were the first ones to notice and we discussed it before bringing it up to Olivia where we were abruptly shut down and told that Bella is her best friend. It made us feel pushed aside as we had been friends forever.
Fast forward, the summer holidays begun and throughout the past 4-5 weeks, us 5 girls had not seen Bella and Olivia more than twice, disregarding the times we saw them at parties. Ashley, had texted to our groupchat various times asking to hang out at least twice a week, but we had gotten no response from Bella nor Olivia, the times they would reply would be when Olivia texts saying she has work. Apart from this, Liv and Bella would hangout one on one at least twice a week and post it, not asking any one else if they would like to hang out, despite our various questions asking when we could all hang out as a group.
For example, on new years Ashley and myself had decided since we were the only ones not doing anything on new years we should hang out, we asked Olivia if she wanted to hang out since we hadn’t heard from her and she told us she was working, low and behold, there’s a post on instagram of Liv and Bella hanging out at her house, just the two of them.
This makes us all feel like we we’re second options as only 3 of us are staying in school this year, including myself and Olivia. So today, we had brought up the topic of hanging out in the groupchat, and i spoke on behalf of everyone and expressed how we felt left out, forgotten about and pushed aside. Basically, Bella responded saying noted and that she can’t be at hangouts when they are made in another groupchat, which is not true because we are all apart of the same chat. The other girls chimed in and to sum it up, Olivia left the groupchat, Bella said we acted like boyfriends and that its not her job to organise hangouts. AITA?
they’re basically soft launching leaving the group and it’s just awkward for everyone else at this point
Yeah I don’t get why you guys aren’t getting the hint. If they wanted to hang they would. You gals need to go off and hang instead and be open to meeting new people too. Your friendships are all going to change as the years get on. Specially once you finish high school.
NTA
But your friend group is falling apart sometimes it’s better to let go rather than hold on
honestly sometimes friend groups split as ppl grow, but lying abt plans is the part that stings. ur feelings are valid, promise 💯
NAH. These things happen eventually. Oftentimes it’s when the first people in the group start dating (not implying, though! Likely these 2 just like being around each other or around fewer people, especially with anxiety involved).
You would only be the AH if you kept digging. You can’t force them to like to hang out with you gals, so, keep the peace and let go.
It’s high school and I know it hurts. Later on you’ll realize they probably weren’t your friends to begin with. Hang with the girls that want to be around you.
NTA but hang out with the people who want to hang out with you
know your worth among your friends
NAH. this is just how things go sometimes. it’s valid for them to not want to hang out with you, it’s valid for you to he upset about that, it sucks, it’s a damn shame, but things happen. you’ll survive, you’ll make new friends, maybe those guys will have a change of heart and come back into the group, maybe they won’t. things change, things move, people make and break friendships. this sucks, but nobody is doing anything *wrong* here. we all have to decide what and who is important to us.
NAH sometimes the dynamics in groups just changed and there’s nothing wrong with that. You all don’t need to all hang out together. Right now Olivia may need that one on one time with Bella.
Have you considered that they may be dating?
NTA, You didn’t “hit a breaking point” out of nowhere you responded to a clear pattern of being excluded. You raised it calmly, on behalf of the group, after repeated attempts to include them were ignored. Olivia and Bella are allowed to be close, but consistently shutting everyone else out and then dismissing your feelings isn’t fair. Leaving the group chat and deflecting blame shows avoidance, not that you did something wrong.
NAH. Olivia and Bella have paired off and aren’t into being in the friend group anymore. It happens. The rest of the group needs to accept it and move on.
NAH – olivia and bella are allowed to be friends and sometimes people make closer friends within the group and grow apart from others. sounds pretty normal for high school, but i can see why that whole situation sucks for you. i think just focus on the rest of your friends in that group!