Wild title, but that’s sort of what happened.
My colleague (50M) and I (21M) both work in tech support. I just had braces done 2 days ago and I’ve been under immense pain since then.
While we were busy assisting some users, one of them asked how I was doing. I replied "not good, not bad" which led to her asking why I’m not feeling very good.
I brought up the trouble my new braces were giving me, which led to my colleague pulling a dismissive face & saying something along the lines of "Oh come on, my daughter had braces for a year and she turned out fine".
Others didn’t think much of it, but I felt embarrassed being spoken to like that in front of people, especially in a professional environment.
This is the 2nd time he said something like this. First time was when it was just us two, but I waved it off as some banter.
So I replied "Wow, I wonder how her pain tolerance is so high." which made everyone go quiet. My colleague was extremely angry at this and called me out for my unprofessionalism but I didn’t care.
I later brought up the story with my parents when I got home, but they weren’t a fan of what I said. They believed I blew things way out of the water and that it could’ve cost me my job.
ok wow. Seriously?
How long did it take for you to make that one up?
YTa just in case you’re for real. And stop whining about braces to customers. They don’t care, and you need to suck it up. Your colleague is right, and he should absolutely file a complaint against you.
Why are you telling users/customers about your teeth aching…
At that point it doesn’t matter how well you are able to help them.
You are just the guy who bitched about his teeth. That’s all they will remember
I can see why the other dude said what he did. There is a time and a place to bitch about things. In front of users/customers is not the place. It comes across as whiny
YTA for being a whiny individual
…
YTA.
Your colleague doesn’t sound like the nicest guy ever (a bit dismissive) but honestly what he said wasn’t THAT bad. You took it wayyy too far
YTA not a proportional response. Braces aren’t as painful for everyone, it varies a lot. You don’t need this guy to validate your pain.
YTA.
I would suggest next time you see your colleague to start off with a “look man, I am really sorry for what I said yesterday, I am just in a lot of pain right now and it’s put me in a bad mood which I shouldn’t have taken out on you and especially your daughter, hopefully the pain evens out soon and I’ll be in better form”
YTA. You made quite a big leap just because you weren’t getting the sympathy you wanted.
I seriously don’t know what OP expected, 12 year olds *do* get braces all the time and are fine…
Seriously
Middle schoolers deal with braces all the time
I remember having braces, they are not immense pain causing and if op actually has a ton of pain then something is probably wrong
YTA, this was completely unwarranted, you should go off talking about your personal life anyway
Yta. Customers ask you how you are to be polite. Not for a “not too good” and a story about your braces.
YTA. To start with, in a customer focused job position you shouldn’t be telling them your personal problems or complaints. Generally not appropriate.
As for your comment, yes, still the asshole. Braces are a choice. Don’t complain and then expect everyone to handhold you, and then double down when no one does. Implying your coworker abuses his child is a crazy and completely unprofessional response, and could land you in HR.
ETA: lmao OP only responding to people who agree with them.
YTA. If you are having trouble with your braces to the extent is causing major issues, go to the orthodontist. And implying what you did to someone you work with is unacceptable.
If your teeth bother you to the point you can’t adequately do your job, take a sick day. If a client asks how you are, the bog standard response is something along the lines of ‘Keepin’ on! You?’ because it’s a show of politeness, not an opening to tell them all about your trials and tribulations. Your colleague was being dismissive because what you said is not appropriate in front of clients and he was probably trying to lighten the air to make the clients more comfortable, but then you doubled down to imply he was abusive? Of course everyone got quiet, they were in the presence of someone who has zero social skills and no one wanted to engage with you any more. Your discussion of braces pain was unprofessional but to keep pushing on it when he tried to reel you back in? Waaaaay beyond the mark. There are topics that are not appropriate for jokes, and abuse would be one of them. YTA
Edit: I just saw your explanation for the bot. ‘I’m no better than he is by making that joke.’ And then a comment: ‘”Not good, not bad” = okay. And you think okay = negative.’ You are in a customer-facing role. If you make a comment that isn’t positive, then it is negative. End of. You aren’t in a conversation amongst peers, you are providing a service. Keep banter positive unless it’s specifically about the services you are providing. Your coworker tried to rein you in WHEN YOU WERE ALREADY IN THE WRONG, and you doubled down by making an abuse joke. Could he have done it more smoothly? Absolutely. But you were in the wrong at first and then you were really in the wrong with your retort, yet the worst you see is you are no better than he?? No. I’d say he was around 5% wrong for being ham-fisted with his redirect and you were 95% wrong for whining about your braces, making an abuse joke and still thinking you were mostly in the right.
YTA. I had braces as an adult, and the worst I ever had from them was Tylenol-level discomfort. They shouldn’t be giving you “immense” pain. Go see your ortho, something might be wrong.
Either way, being in pain ins’t an excuse for being an asshole, which you were. You know nothing about this father or his daughter and the first thing that popped into your head was to call him a child abuser??? Good lord. Maybe he was dismissive (though he was also right; this is something many people go through as children, and lots of people have to work with even worse pain from chronic illness or whatever), but you went full nuclear. If you haven’t apologized already, do so immediately, and hope your coworker doesn’t file a complaint. And work on yourself. You can’t turn into a monster every time you get a tightening.