I (M19) have been helping my best friend (M18) to get over his alcohol addiction since March of this year, because back then he was abandoned drunk by other "friends" at a random bar, I had to drive there and pick him up, after that we agreed that he’d control his drinking, we’ve made really good progress until yesterday night, I was at my job with my mom and someone calls me to tell me that my friend is really drunk like that other time, that if I could drive to pick him up, during the way there I felt disappointed and angry at him, my mom said that I shouldn’t blame myself, but I still feel really disappointed, I told him that, I expressed to him my disappointment and anger at him and I felt bad afterwards because I thought I was being harsh, I invested my time and money on helping him and last night he just threw everything to the trash. I’d still help him in similar situations but I just feel disappointed.
Am I the asshole for being mad and disappointed at him?
I don’t think you’re the asshole. You have been there to support your friend and it sounds like you are still going to be there.
It’s reasonable to feel angry and disappointed. Whether it’s best to direct that at your friend or not I don’t know. It might be a shake they need or it might be counterproductive but you know them better than anyone that sees this.
it’s ok to be mad/disappointed but he might need more help than you can actually give. NTA- you might check into actually rehab for him
NTA. I am not much older than you guys(M20) but I think it’s valid to be angry when you felt you had tried hard to help him overcome his addiction. But at the end of the day, you aren’t responsible, he is. But know that addiciton isn’t easy to break, for some people, there may be a lot of relapses before things get better. I have seen this with my other friend and while its ok to be angry, know that the problem won’t be solved straight away. But this is why I have avoided drinking, for fear of becoming like your friend.
NTA, addiction is hard to break free of and it’s normal to relapse. what your friend is going through is very difficult and you are a good friend for trying to help him through it. it’s understandable why you’d be so upset with him for relapsing after the effort you’ve both been putting into keeping him sober. i don’t think your friend is an asshole either, but hopefully seeing you be disappointed in him will give him some motivation to keep not drinking, and hopefully this relapse was a 1 time situation.
i get feeling hurt but the recovery process isn’t usually a straight line.. just be there for him and maybe talk about what triggered this when he’s sober.
NTA youre doing your best. Addiction is a tough disease to fight and I sympathize with him, but his problems are, well, his problems. You arent a trained medical professional or counselor. This is bigger than you. He he’s proper help.
As someone who always wants to be there for friends and support them through anything. Please do not do this!
Your feelings of disappointment and anger are justified. Addiction is a real decease that, unless you’re a professional, you can’t help him with. Even if you were a professional, this is your close friend. Sure you can support him, with hugs, pep talks, a shoulder to cry on or give a distraction. But REAL help, professional help, which he needs, is not something you can offer him.
You could use this happening, sad and frustrating as it is, as a way to show him that he needs more than just you to support him.
You are a very caring and concerned friend. Please understand that your friend has a serious addiction problem and you should not take the responsibility of his sobriety. Encourage your friend to seek counseling in a treatment facility. Support him and be there for him as a friend but leave the treatment up to the doctors and counselors trained in addiction.
NTA- It is natural to feel angry and disappointed when you have worked so hard to help someone and they break your trust.
You aren’t being “harsh”; you are being honest. While recovery can have setbacks, he needs to know that his choices affect your life and your job. You are a good friend, but you are allowed to be upset when someone ignores the help you’ve given them.
He needs to sþop drinking for himself. You can’t do it for him. Trying to push him won’t help. Stop pushing him to do what you want him to do.
NTA for being angry and disappointed, but you need a pretty big reset on everything else.
First and foremost, you need to understand that his alcoholism is not about you. He’s not drinking *at* you. And you can’t make an agreement with him that he’ll control his drinking because you are not his parent, his spouse, his parole officer, or his therapist.
Also, I know it feels good to help people, but don’t help people if you’re going to turn around and throw the time and money you’ve spent helping them back in their face if they don’t behave like you want them to. Addiction is hard. People backslide a lot. If you’re not going to be able to handle that without going off on him about how his addiction affects *you*, the two of you are better off not being friends.