My (28f) and my partner Felix(28m) had our first child in August this year and he is a wonderful healthy baby. Before he was born I agreed that we could spend all his first major holidays with his family, they live in the same city as us, visit whenever they want and my family lives 4 hours away. Celebrating the holidays "day of" has been hit or miss with my family but is huge with his so this was fine for me as I was under the impression that we’d be visiting often (at least once a month for a few days at a time) we have the money to do this and we are both on parental leave.
Since my son has been born, we have visited my family only twice for a total of 7 days. For five days after his first doctor’s appointment, it was the most rest i had during my entire pp recovery, and then for a less than 2 day visit (cut short) sometime in november for a birthday. We planned numerous visits for numerous occasions but something always happened that held us back and most of them understandable but few have felt less than reasonable.
It has changed from let’s visit once a month to promise me we will visit at least once more before Christmas. My parents came to town for a couple days this past week and we were supposed to travel back with them, but at the beginning of the day my partner started fretting about the weather getting calls from his mom about the weather and reading posts online about how the roads were. I told him he promised we would go, that my parents would be with us if anything happened and can we at least go see how the roads are and if they look too bad we will turn around.
The car was packed, everything was ready and my parents were outside waiting for us in their car when he told me we cant go, he that he doesnt want our baby out in that weather, and we argued but eventually I backed down saying that I’m going to have a hard time forgiving him for this. My parents drove home anyway as they had work the next day and the roads were completely clear the whole way back to their house.
We would have been back home for the holidays by now if we had went with them so I told him I want to leave to my parent’s on sunday for the whole week, that we will be back for new years but i have missed so many things that I want to see my family on Christmas. He is very torn up about it, feeling like this is going to start world war 3 with his mom, and feeling like he has to choose between his son’s first Christmas and his grandma’s last, and I feel for him but I have been understanding for 4 months, and so has my family, they havent give us a hard time about it even though I am their only child and this is their only grandson. I didn’t want my baby to be a holiday baby to my family but if we are rarely going to visit in between then so be it. I feel bad that he is under so much stress and about his grandma’s health but after so many missed events and cancelled visits I think this is fair compromise.
AITA?
NTA but you should have never agreed to spend every holiday with his family in the first place. Alternating holidays is common, or you could host everyone at your house. Your husband and his family need to compromise.