I am in middle school, and I need advice, everyone I know picks that I’m not the a-hole but I need people who don’t know me to answer truthfully. Backstory, my friend Stephanie is having her birthday party at my house. Recently Me and my friend Maria got in a fight about the guys that she likes (first one Ryan) he is both our friend. And the other guy that she likes (Theo) just got out of a relationship, which I will say I have liked him for a while so me trying to see if he’s okay texted him. He said yes we started texting about stuff in our lives then we let it be. She then told me the day after that, she had liked him, I was stunned and didn’t know what to do so I did not share with her that I liked Theo since we had an issue with liking the same guy in the past. It’s a small school, sometimes things can happen. Then me and Theo text each other during the day a couple days later just talking and whatever me not thinking about how maria might feel about it. She sees that we are texting and doesn’t say anything and walks off.
Two nights later she texts me saying “can you explain why you texted Theo randomly after I told you I liked him, and how when I last told you i liked Ryan you started flirting with him” which I then replied “with Ryan I’m sorry if I’ve been flirting with him, I don’t mean to, I’ll try to stop, and I texted Theo checking up on him after the break up, I’m sorry that I made you feel some sort of way about it, but I’m saying sorry and if you have any other things to say can we talk tomorrow?” I did not admit about liking Theo because I was scared and I should have realizing that I should’ve told her. After seeing what I had said she didn’t answer. Since she hadn’t answered the next day, I sent another text saying “Hey idk if your still mad at me or if you ever were, but I rlly am sorry and if there is anything I can do to help our friendship I wanna do it, I hope that we can still hangout in our classes tmrw but if not it’s ok I’ll understand”. she still hadn’t answered me, so I let it be and let her calm down. As we had got to school the next day, she would not talk to me nor would any of our friend group except my friend (Stephanie) I thought it was weird but didn’t give it another thought.
I texted her with respect saying I don’t think she should come, after I had talked or my friend and family abt what to do for the party she was gonna go to at house, she answered and she asked me what she did i told her straight up wha the did then she hadn’t answered me after that.
So am I the a-hole?
Sounds like a case of ESH.
When she told you she likes him, you probably should have told her that you also like Theo and had already been text chatting with him.
It sounds like she’s equating this situation with whatever happened with Ryan, which makes me wonder if she’s a dramatic grudge holder or if you have a history of chasing your friends’ crushes.
It also sounds like she’s being rather melodramatic.
Uninviting her was probably a moot point. She likely wouldn’t have come if she’s not even speaking to you.
I will definitely tell her that, and I will probably just pull her aside and tell her that I like him, thank you
What does Stephanie say? Its her party, so Id think her say carries some weight, though not the majority.
Its your home, so no matter what its your right to say no.
As a parent, I personally would never allow someone whom openly dislikes my child, in my house.
As a person, same.
You tried to open the door for communication, to work through the obstacles in your friendship.
She reciprocated that with “the silent treatment”.
Sorry but if youre gonna talk shit about me, while not talking to me, you sure the hell won’t be aitting at my house while you do it.
She has said that she is okay with my decision, from seeing and hearing what she has been saying about me, and it’s up to me wether I invite her back or not
>nor would any of our friend group
This is the sign of talking behind your back
>it was weird but didn’t give it another thought
This is the right thing to do
>I did not share with her that I liked Theo
You should have. Now in her mind, it’s one of either: she thinks she told you something, being honest, and you are not being as honest with her as a friend or she knows you like him and wants to have him and believes you want it too and somehow are not telling her as a move to take advantage.
In both possible situations, whatever you say about “helping your friendship” will definitely not fly. Because you didn’t tell her in the first place. So I believe you should definitely tell her that you like him ands that’s why you texted him, and especially tell her that you started texting before you even knew she liked him, instead of lying constantly. Lying should only be used when it’s impossible for others to know or guess things. Right now, your case is worse by the day.
Also, a general rule is to never uninvite someone or burn bridges with anyone in any way, unless you are certain that you are preventing further harm.
So ESH because Maria thinks she can control you and get what she wants by being a bad friend, but you also because you dug yourself in this hole by not being honest and forward. This is a life lesson: always be forward, because in 9/10 cases, someone who is not being forward, withholds information or even lies is actually guilty of something in some way. So people will definitely assume that if they sense you are not being forward.
Edit: also uninviting her to a party where others are going to be is bound to make other people angry at you (since they don’t know the situation) so be careful with that