My daughter is in secondary school and is very serious about physics and computer science. She builds small robots at home, does coding projects on her own, and her teachers say she has real potential. Recently she wanted to apply for an international robotics competition. It is quite prestigious and could help her with future university applications.
To participate, students here have to register through a designated national body. We submitted all documents, recommendation letters, project details, everything properly. After that, an officer from the institution indirectly conveyed that if we “cooperate” things will move smoothly. Otherwise, the file may face “delays” or “technical objections.”
It was very clear what was being implied. Without extra payment, her application will likely go nowhere. With payment, it will be processed quickly and without issues.
I can afford the amount. It is not something that will break us financially. But I feel very strongly that this is wrong. If my daughter qualifies, she should go on merit. If she does not qualify, that is also fine. But why should I teach her that success comes from under-the-table payments?
My wife thinks I am being too rigid and idealistic. She says this is how the system works and by refusing I am only harming our daughter. She says I am sacrificing her opportunity over a technicality when practically everyone does it.
My daughter is upset. She says everyone who gets selected pays something and that without it no one moves forward, and that she knows she will be selected otherwise and that the institute basically confirmed this. According to her, I am the only one insisting on being different and she feels she is being unfairly disadvantaged because of it because many people do this in India.
AITA for refusing to pay the bribe even though I can afford it and it would probably secure her place?
NTA.
Report this person to the board of directors immediately. Screenshot and save all emails/communication. Play dumb to this email if you haven’t already replied and ask for them to spell it out to you what “cooperation” means to them.
This is the comment OP sent to me and then deleted:
“They already verbally discussed it and want a payment of a certain amount to an officers religious organization.”
So, truly a bribe, or a suggested donation? Something here is sounding fishy if OP is deleting comments.
OP said they live in India. This is how shit works there, and if an oversight body exists, they’ll probably ask for a bribe, too.
YTA OP, don’t harm your daughter’s future in a futile attempt at self-righteousness.
NTA, although I think culture is pretty important here. In the US, I would immediately contact the oversight board and/or go to the media. But it’s hard to know what’s appropriate in another culture
YTA If the officials are requiring a bribe to process the application there is no ‘get in on her own merit’. Her spot will just go to someone else who paid instead of someone who deserves it
We’re gonna need some cultural context to judge this properly. If you’re in the US, I think you should try to report them to whatever authority is appropriate.
If I was the kid in this situation (and your daughter clearly understands what’s happening) I’d want you to pay it if it really would help my future.
What are you teaching if you pay it: sometimes systems are shitty, but you gotta pay along
And if you don’t: your morals to do “the right thing” are worth more than however getting accepted matters for her future
I get the CONCEPT here, but acting like you not paying it = she gets in on “merit” is just not true when everyone else pays it. It just moves her application to the bottom of the stack.
There’s ways to talk about how this idea is not great and communicate that to her without just saying “well you don’t get in then”. It’s like disagreeing with how voting booths are set up and then refusing to vote, doesn’t help anyone
Paying it NOW then reporting later (anonymously) is the best course of action to not harm your daughter
Why bother? She’ll get to the competition and they’ll expect another bribe to win. Highest payer wins, not highest achievement? Its not a competition, its a money grab!
It’s an international competition, but it’s someone on the national committee that’s asking for a bribe. If you decide to not pay, I would make a complaint to the international body running the competition.
“But why should I teach her that success comes from under-the-table payments?”
Because where you live, sometimes it does. It’s reality.
YTA.
This sounds like a cultural issue and we need to be able to view it through that lens to make a fair judgment.
If that’s how it is done and everyone is paying the bribe, soft YTA even if we don’t like it. The real AH is the institution and the officer therein that is condoning this. Ideally it should be on merit, but if this is truly a life-changing event for your daughter, I wouldn’t squander it.
Another poster already said this. The winner will also be someone who paid a bribe.
If there is no one to report this to, GO TO THE MEDIA! Report that a kids competition is a front for a money grab. That’s who will care…or report to your local tax people. That’s who cares in my country, The tax man and the media.
You said it could help with her university applications – if you can afford it and it’s the way the system works in your country, just pay it. Refuse to pay a bribe for something that benefits *you* if you want to stand on your morals, but don’t hurt your daughter. She didn’t set up the system.
Bro you’re in India, wake up. This reality shouldn’t be new to you. When my grandmom passed away, my mom didn’t want to pay a bribe to get her death certificate processed. Finally after 9 months without it being issued, she paid the bribe.
You can stand on your ideals here & refuse to pay the bribe, it is absolutely not right or fair that you should have to, but your wife & daughter are also correct that you are disadvantaging your daughter by doing so, as you well know. You’re coming to AITA where the commenters are mostly American, *knowing* that they lack the context to judge this situation.