I’m 15 and have health issues in general. I’m autistic and have migranes that oddly stem form that due to me hearing sounds at a decibel people shouldn’t be hearing, such as hearing dog whistles. I’m in year 11 and for my school life have always struggled with school.
I’ve had a vestibular migraine for around 2-3 months non stop and it feels like it’s getting worse, ive been diagnosed for 2 years and am about to get help in december. I’ve been struggling with homework for a long time though.
I was in one of my classes at the end of the day and got taken down to my homework detention, which i hadn’t had the sheet to complete until the day before when i felt ill so i did not do it. I cannot do after school detentions as i need to walk home and do a bunch of stuff. As someone who is autistic for me this in general is stressful without detentions. Anyway, i got sidetracked. I went to the detention simply to explain my situation. One of the teachers, who I’ll call Mr Michael (not his real name), was speaking to me. And he made the point of ‘we can legally keep you here either way’, once i had explained that my mother had signed a form saying i cannot do these detentions. Of course i begin to stress as i was already unwell and had fallen down some stairs earlier that day and hurt myself, so i desperately wanted my teddy which is my comfort object to make me calm down. The situation continued until my maths teacher came in who i began to explain the situation to. Normally i see her as quite kind, however i believe she may have been in a bad mood. She proceeds to lecture me on the fact that I’m in year 11. After a bit i begin to feel annoyed. Not long later she choses to tell me I’m ‘not doing good enough’. I begin to cry and immediately tell her nothing is good enough for her and i leave. However, an added fact to this is that whilst she was lecturing me on this another teacher was trying to talk to me so i was getting seriously overwhelmed and unsure what to do. I didn’t want to be rude to anyone. I walked out of the school and went home, thankfully my grandparents took me home that day and i told my mum. I’m still quite anxious over this a week later and I’m worried she hates me now. I’m improving in my maths and I’m getting my highest ever scores and now i feel like maybe I’m really not good enough.
Was i overreacting in this situation or was this an okay-ish response?
NTA
NTA and i’d put money on the fact that this situation isn’t on their mind now or even on their mind when they got home that day. If you feel inclined to apologize for leaving mid-convo do it and I bet they’d appreciate it.
It was an overreaction, but as the parent of a 15 year old with ADHD and autism, it’s pretty on brand. Your response to your math teacher sounded more like you were projecting another issue. You should apologize for that. Is your mom very supportive?
Perhaps your math teacher meant the comment differently than you took it, because it’s quite a strange thing to say to a student.
Do you have a 504 plan? If so, then when you see that homework is going to be late, ask your teacher for an extension. If you do not, then you still need to communicate with your teachers as soon as you know there will be an issue with things being turned in on time.
I usually tell my daughter to email (then there is proof that she directly communicated the problem or a paper trail, if you will) if she doesn’t get a chance during that period to speak to the teacher. I will also have her speak to her teachers after school if necessary. I did find out that she was having ADHD paralysis in one period after lunch during a conference with her teachers. I had her reach out to this teacher, apologize, and explain what was happening, and offer some possible suggestions that could help during those times. Her teacher really appreciated her explanation for why this was happening and possible ways of mitigating it. This teacher knows she’s autistic and has ADHD, but didn’t really know what was going on until she described what she was feeling. I think that could be happening with you. The teachers may know you have these things going on but don’t know at that moment what is going on unless you speak up.
I suggest you speak to your mom about things you can do to help you in those moments of feeling overwhelmed, and that she could talk to the school. I also think it would help to send your math teacher an apology and explain what was happening to you. Maybe suggest next time that you could just take a short walk to get a drink of water to calm down, use a small fidget toy, or be able to call or text your mom. Ultimately, communicating in a calm manner and having a plan for when things like that happen really makes a difference.
NTA. You did overreact but it was the right thing to do in that situation because they were on a power trip with an autistic teenager whose parent had filed paperwork that they are NOT to be kept after school.
Okay NTA. Are you in the UK?. My child is autistic and has adhd and anxiety. Your mother needs to engage more with the schools SENCO department and explain why you are struggling. The school should be offering extra help. My child has a time out card of she finds the lesson overwhelming, for example.
There is also a document sent to all her teachers, explaining her learning difficulties, what she does when she gets overwhelmed etc.
I would also go back to your GP regarding your migraines and asked for be referred for further testing. Again, if you are in the UK you can now say to them you wish to exercise ‘your right to choose’. My child’s shrink told me this last week.
Good luck mate xx