For context:
My sister in law just told us 15 days before Christmas that she is going to be getting gastric bypass surgery. I’m happy for her-she is taking a huge step in her health journey and managing chronic conditions.
This year I am hosting Christmas. My husband and I have 2 young children and this makes it easier for us. Sister and brother in law have no children. I had already bought the prime rib before knowing she was going to be on a liquid diet the week of Christmas.
My mother in law called my husband explaining how hard it’s been on Sister in law. Stating that SIL will just have to sit in the living room while everyone else eats. Mother in law feels bad and thinks we should eat before she comes over so she won’t feel left out. Personally, I think SIL is being a grinch and should stop wallowing in her own self pity. AITA if we still do the dinner and she decides to sit in the living room?
Edit:
I have NOT talked directly to my SIL. My MIL is the one who said that she would sit alone if we sat down for a meal and my MIL would go sit in the living room with her so she doesn’t feel alone.
My MIL suggested we could eat before they arrive and pack a to go container for BIL who has to work that night.
Edit
SIL told MIL she will be sitting in the living room if we sit down for dinner.
I will call SIL directly tomorrow to get her side of how she wants the holiday to look.
NTA. I had my own gastric bypass weeks before Thanksgiving and still cooked the whole meal I couldn’t eat for my family. She can suck it the fuck up.
Edit: I read the post very quickly before replying because I was about to be called back for an appointment. My comment only stands if SIL ends up demanding everybody bend over backwards for her. If she’s gracious about it that’s awesome. I do think MIL doesn’t get to decide anything and this should be SIL’s call. That said yes Thanksgiving being after my surgery was better than it being during the damned liquid diet, which I had to do for three weeks (which was only the last stage of a three month diet) and I hated it so so much. 🙁 That said I still had to cook regular meals for my brother who I live with during the presurgery diet and it sucked, but I did it and didn’t make it anybody else’s problem.
If sister doesn’t want to watch people eating, then she shouldn’t come over until the meal is finished. Her problems are for her to manage.
Is BIL also going on a liquid diet? How does SIL manage when she sees him eat?
Why is the comment with one of the most upvotes the comment that clearly didn’t read the post. The MIL made this request bc she felt bad for her daughter/DIL. The SIL did not make this request.
And the edits provide further clarify that the SIL is willing to be put alone in time out. The assumptions being projected on this woman, even OP who had all the facts calling SIL a grinch for MILs requests speaks volumes to all of you.
How did it get an award?!
By this way of thinking, there shouldn’t even be a post.
OP knew her MIL asked her directly and never even bothered to discuss or ask the SIL if this his how she felt. She then proceeded to assign her SIL the designation of Grinch, make a post here, all before reaching out to SIL.
OP is a grade A AH. They instantly took offence at the idea that the SIL was so entitled she would ask to “dictate” decisions for the rest of the guests, again without confirming.
I didn’t expect every comment to be logical or read every aspect of the post. It’s just jarring to see the most upvoted comment is the one that assumes the worst in the SIL with no evidence when many comments have rightfully showed scrutiny of asking “where in the post did the SIL make these requests/demands, sounds like MILs doing”.
Why can’t SIL come after dinner instead of everyone else changing the plan? That seems much easier than making everyone else eat at a weird time.
I think this is up to your SIL to decide. She’s the one who will need to be able to deal with it so just let her know the plan and leave it up to her to decide how she wants to handle it. She can get there later, she can go to the living room, she can sit at the table, she can decide not to come but she’s an adult and should be allowed to make an informed decision.
I’ll say NAH for now. Just make your plan, let everyone know when dinner is planned to be served, what’s on the menu and let everyone decide how they want to work around your plan.
Info: how is she being a grinch and wallowing in self pity? You’re NTA for having dinner, which SIL didn’t even ask you not to do, but nothing described in the post seems to warrant that description.
This! I mentioned in another comment too but it doesn’t even sound like SIL has said any of this to OP? Maybe SIL doesn’t even feel that way! I can’t totally see making a comment on the phone and then MIL going too far trying to “help” when SIL may not have meant it that way.
Like I can easily see chatting on the phone with a parent and saying like, I’m not sure how I’ll feel around the food so i may just stay in another room (or whatnot) and not even asking them to talk to OP or suggesting don’t eat around me, etc.
Plus, my family christmas is chaotic enough I’d love to have an hour or two sitting by myself in the living room lol. It’s pretty common most of my family disappears at random time just to take a little introverted breather in some form from the rest of the chaos
Talk directly to SIL and ask how you can accomodate her. Work something out together.
Ask her if she even cares. So far, only MIL has said anything
As someone who has had gastric bypass, I never expected anyone to change dinner plans for me the week of my surgery (which was around Thanksgiving 15 years ago). I had my fruit smoothie and I had dinner and laughed with everyone, then had jello afterwards.
Though, only person who seems butthurt is MIL. But a later edit states SIL will be in the living room during dinner. Why couldn’t SIL reach out first? Why have to go through mommy dearest?
The sister-in-law isn’t being a spoilsport; it was the mother-in-law who made the suggestion. I don’t see anywhere in your post that the sister-in-law is demanding changes to the menu.
We’re Muslim and fast during Ramadan. I have been to weddings, parties, lunch dates, dinners, etc. where I am not eating AND not drinking – not even water, while everyone else around is enjoying. I do fine and wouldn’t want someone else to feel uncomfortable or not enjoy themselves on my account. I understand it’s not quite the same as a health issue but you still don’t need to change plans. NTA.