I am a junior in high school (16m), at one point this year, our English class had a film trailer project for a book we were reading. I agreed to a group that asked if I could join because I felt lost on who to work with as I felt like there was a lot of people in my English class I liked. I have hearing loss which affects how I hear others. I do have hearing aids but they were uncomfortable to wear and couldnt use them.
We added each other on SnapChat because it would be easier to talk, but we exchanged numbers because one of our supposed members doesn’t have SnapChat. I made a google doc because I thought it’d be easier for us to plan that way. We had an entire month to plan the trailer (Dec. 8-Jan. 14) and I was stressing because I was hoping to get a good grade and reach the honor roll.
Time later I was trying to talk to them about how we will plan the trailer but they hardly responded to me. I have asked them if they can fill out the planner, and during school we tried to talk about our plan but I felt like I couldn’t hear. I texted them saying “I can’t remember the information we talked about”, one of them said “We will remember it, we ain’t adding to that doc” Later I asked them if they can look at the doc for ideas on quotes, I was not responded back. My aunt suggested I ask them to refresh me and midnight for a deadline response. I only sent the refreshing message though.
And then they didn’t respond, I left the group chat, said “Y’all didn’t communicate in advance when I told y’all I have hearing loss which affects my ability to learn”. I have told them at least 3 times I have hearing loss and I felt like they just never listened.
My aunt called me the same day, insisted I need to work with them, they are trying to communicate, but I said no because I felt like I can’t respect someone who doesn’t respect that I have hearing loss. She gave up and decided to email my school about the situation instead. I also removed them on snapchat and said “telling me on the day of filming is the worst thing you can do”, “i felt like i was picked to be an outcast”, and highlighted how they ignored me again.
From other perspectives, my English teacher thought I was being bossy to them and demanding they use the document but the reason I asked them to is again, I have hearing loss and wanted to yield information. My psychologist was also like I am being abrupt and they don’t mean to make me an outcast but I heavily disagreed with that.
Note: This is older drama, we were done 3 weeks ago and I was able to make the honor roll. I am asking on what do yall say if I was wrong or my group is wrong.
It’s a little hard to make a clear judgement call, I understand not being able to hear can be anxiety inducing and make you feel left out as is. It’s unfortunate that they weren’t able to accommodate you in the way you wanted. However, some things to consider, were you trying to do too much instead of sticking to your specific role in this project? Were you unable to do the tasks you needed because they didn’t put everything in the doc? Were they still able to communicate and collaborate with you effectively without the doc? Regardless of hearing loss, you’re going to have to learn to work in these types of group dynamics. You’re not wrong for feeling frustrated but this will definitely be a lesson in how to navigate these types of situations because you’ll definitely come across this again in the future.
Regarding if I was trying to do too much, all I remember adding to the document was including the soundtrack for what we can use, and I tried to include a short summary of each chapter as well as including some quotes. I also should’ve clarified my aunt said I will have to do the project myself (as in who gets graded, me and my brothers were able to help me do it) and I was able to get a 75 on the project. I don’t think it was like we were able to communicate as we didn’t have much proper talk on how the project will go.
As far as “doing too much” I don’t even mean what you added to the document. I mean, did you have a designated role and you tried to control things outside of that or get info from other people that wasn’t necessary for you to do your task? If you guys didn’t have designated roles that was your first mistake and no wonder it was a shit show.
I think you need to go back and talk with your teacher and psychologist and actually listen to what they were trying to tell you. You may have gotten a passing grade on the assignment but failed at learning what you were actually supposed to. Group projects are for you to learn how to handle working with others who have different ideas, backgrounds, communication styles, challenges, and work ethics. It truly is a lesson in teamwork and how you can overcome the challenges that you’re going to come across regularly in the workforce and even in your home life. You don’t really have to answer my question above, it’s just for you to ponder on. Drop the ego and don’t take their actions so personally. Your situation really isn’t that unique, there’s probably a million AITA posts one here complaining about group projects and how they felt left out in one way or another. You’re never going to be able to control the people you work with but you can always control how you react.
INFO: why Snapchat? Don’t messages disappear after they’ve been viewed in that platform? Maybe I’m old and unfamiliar but it seems to me like Discord or Teams would’ve worked better; that way you get the record keeping through the chat messages, and you don’t have to duplicate note-taking on Docs.
At first I was anxious to use my phone number as I mostly give it to my family. I had to make an exception eventually because one of our members (who I thought wasn’t in our group but apparently is supposed to be) doesn’t have it. I wouldn’t say you are wrong though because phone numbers would definitely have helped.
They seem like jerks or at least uncooperative for not wanting to use a central google doc for info on a group project (I’m not hard of hearing but it seems sensible to me), but it sounds like from their POV you were also willfully deciding to not use a device that could help you hear them. Were you expecting them to provide you a bullet point list of everything they discussed while you just sat there not listening or contributing?
Like, even if hearing aids are uncomfortable to use, can you really not use them for important things like communicating on a group project (then remove them after?) I have no idea what “uncomfortable” means here or what level of discomfort would be acceptable temporarily or what if this is just a teenager not feeling like doing something mildly annoying and being stubborn.
Those are devices that are supposed to be the accommodation to make sure communication is happening properly, and while they are not “respecting your hearing loss” aren’t you also simply deciding to not use a device that would let you hear them?
E S H maybe but I am not sure.
A little bit ESH maybe.
Did you tell them I have hearing loss and these are things that would be help me engage OR I have hearing loss so you have to work 100% the way I do. I’m suspicious as the teacher who had over site of the whole group says you were being bossy.
Giving a group of people a question on how they can accommodate gives them the opportunity to understand what barriers you have and offer ways that work for them. Other people could have barriers engaging with a spreadsheet, access to technology, learning difficulties like dyslexia for example, did you check? Ideas that could have helped were one person taking it in turn each meeting doing summary notes for you.. Speech to text recordings of meetings. You offering to input data to spreadsheet if people messaged. Just some of the things quickly I thought of.
It feels like the only way you wanted to engage was if everything was put on a Google spreadsheet that no one else got any input on how it was designed. Your therapist only heard your side of the issue but could understand why the members of the group would find your communication style abrupt. Your aunt says group was trying to communicate but you rightly or wrongly refused to engage.