I haven’t done it yet and that’s what I want to prevent. The assholery. The upstairs family that just moved in is nice but holy shit are they loud as hell. The family before them had kids and we never really heard them. But this family; we can hear their voices, screams, giggles, every. single. running. footstep. It’s unbearable. It’s triggering my C-PTSD which is triggering my chronic ailments. I don’t want to go to the office first because the office lady is a bit racist and the new neighbors are black so I’d rather mitigate this myself if I can. I know it’s my job to diffuse my own triggers and I’m doing everything I can to do that but I think this is just outside of me at this point. I can’t wear headphones in my own apartment all day every day. Is there a different way I could say this? Is this okay? Wwyd? AITA?
Note as follows:
Hi Neighbors!
Welcome to the neighborhood! We’re excited to have some new faces in the complex.
I was wondering if you would mind telling the little ones to be a little quieter with their jumping around and screaming? I know it’s hard being little and having the wiggles all the time but I have C-PTSD and me and my partner suffer from multiple chronic illnesses. The consistent thuds have been triggering my nervous system and flaring up my ailments. I don’t mean to come off confrontational or rude. That is my last intention. I would just be appreciative. I hope you understand.
In Solidarity,
Your Neighbors
P.S. I twisted these balloon animals for the littles. It’s a flower bracelet and a T-Rex. Enjoy! 😊
ngl this note is kinda doing the most. it’s not mean, but it’s also super personal. you don’t owe your whole medical history to strangers. a simple “hey, could you help keep the noise down? it’s been affecting us a lot” would be more effective. not an asshole, just overexplaining.
For me it’s just the opposite if I came home to a note that says “hey can you keep the noise down” when I have kids and an upstairs apt would PMO. but knowing it’s causing you health problems is relatable and I would do more to compromise.
If you leave a note without talking to them first, YWBTA.
Just talk to them. “Hi, I live in the unit below you. I know the building is older (or whatever) and noise from neighbors is part of apartment life, but the noise from your unit lately has been really loud for me. I was hoping you might try to keep the little ones quieter or prevent jumping on the floor. Is there any kind of compromise on noise we can reach here?”
TALK to them. Human connection vs a note will go a long way. If the noise doesn’t stop, then talk to the front desk.
Your solution doesn’t really offer a compromise. Are you willing to put up with the loud play for at least some time of the day/night? Maybe a request to keep it down after 8pm for example. It would come off better by acknowledging that the kids have a right to be kids too.
YWBTA – If you leave a note without actually talking to them in person. You’re not the ass for wanting a more peaceful living environment though. Just need to be careful how you go about it.
YWBTA…this note is way too much. Nobody needs to know about your health challenges. You also have to ask yourself how much quieter you need them to be and if that’s really going to happen. You both have a right to reasonable enjoyment, but small children aren’t ever going to be quiet.
NAH: However, three things:
If you don’t know this family well enough to talk about this with them face to face, you probably don’t have a relationship where it is appropriate to leave their children gifts.
I would also remove “having the wiggles” and “for the littles” from the note. I can’t quite articulate why.
Also, get rid of “In Solidarity”. Like, how are you actually standing with that black family ‘in solidarity’? It has an unintended undertone. Just say kind regards or something.
It feels a little overfamiliar and ‘affected cutesy’ in tone.* Which is quite bad when it’s about kids you’ve never met, it’s a bit much / bit intrusive. Notes are always overthought in the writing of them, go talk.
*disclaimer – I’m British and even common turns of phrase that are widely accepted in USA like ‘veggies’ feel ‘affected cutesy’ to me and set my teeth on edge. But then again we had the Platty Joobs (Platinum Jubilee) and some other linguistic hot messes, so who am I to judge.
I think you need to either be in a place where you are the upstairs, or there is no upstairs. They will not be able to comply. They are children.
Info: I would ask for an outside 3rd party to check out the noise.
You don’t seem like a good person to judge reasonable noise. IMO living in apartments/condos you have to accept/live with a certain level of reasonable noise. You seem overly sensitive to it.
The previous family might have been extra/unusually quiet and you can’t expect new family to be the same.
Also if they just recently moved in they might not be fully settled in. Furniture, rugs/items will absorb and dampen the noise versus an empty or barely furnished apartment. Some maybe a bit of time to let them settle in.
In solidarity of what? The note is just kind of… bad. I don’t think it makes you an AH, but don’t give them that.
You’re asking children not to be children, not to do normal childhood things, because the last children were quieter/less active.
That’s unrealistic. Unless they are doing something outside the scope of normal behavior that you didn’t mention – this is not a them problem, it’s a you problem.
I get it, I hate noise. It also triggers my PTSD – but I am responsible for putting myself in a space that works for me, I can’t expect other people to make life changing accommodations for my issues. YTA in this case.
YWBTA if you do this – I’m sorry, I also have C-PTSD so I do understand triggers and the chronic ailments that can come along with it as well, but those are yours to manage. Not your fault, but your responsibility.
It is unreasonable to ask your neighbors to be quiet during normal hours just to cater to you. Their kids are making normal kid noises in their own home.
Get earplugs (I use the Halo ones which are great because they have a little dial on them to change the level of noise suppression), get a white noise machine or play soft music through the day to diffuse the sound.
Now, if they’re making unreasonable noise past reasonable hours (that varies by location but typically it’s around 10pm to 6am) then THAT you can ask them to tone down. But if it’s during day time hours, you need to manage yourself.
If you truly cannot stand living near children like this, you need to find child-free housing.
Yes YWBTA. That note would be so passive aggressive. Your C-PTSD and other conditions are literally not their problem. They should not be expected to curtail their lives because of your problems. Unless they are actually breaking noise regulation bylaws for either your community (city/town) or your building (ie if there is a condo board / building association that sets rules for the building) chances are that you are being over sensitive about normal noise of living.