My stepfather is fighting with my mother’s parents, specifically my grandad, to the point that my stepfather refuses to speak or physically be in the presence of my grandparents.
This started last year in ‘24 when my grandad called out my mother and stepfather for taking advantage of my grandparents. My grandparents rent land to my mother and stepfather at a cheap, under-market value. My parents pay the low rate to my grandparents, but then turn around and rent the same land for full price to others and pocket the proceeds.
My grandad is rough with words, and not very tactful. When he confronted my mother and stepfather about the situation, some rather colorful language was used which I’m not condoning in any way. My stepfather took great offense to the confrontation and now refuses contact in any way.
My grandparents want to make amends, say I’m sorry for their part in any wrong doings and move on. My stepfather refuses an apology and refuses to apologize himself for his wrongdoings. My mother supports her husband.
My mother wants us to come have Christmas Eve at her house like tradition goes, but with no grandparents. This was the way they wanted it to be last year too, but I can’t consciously leave my grandparents out. My spouse and I don’t have the luxury of extra time to make another holiday get together specifically for my grandparents, separate from my mother and stepfather.
The plan my spouse and I devised last year was that no one can tell us who we invite to OUR house so therefore we were going to commandeer the festivities, invite who we want, and those who show up great! Those who don’t, that’s on you.
So in ‘24, Christmas Eve celebrations were held at my house and everyone showed up in some capacity, even my mom! Everyone but my stepfather.
He sat alone and refused to come just so he wouldn’t have to face my grandparents. My mom made a short appearance but wouldn’t eat with us. She didn’t bring any presents, and refused to open any presents. Not completely ideal, but it was as fair as I could make it and overall, we had a good holiday. My mom was upset enough that she had my son over the day after Christmas, and had him open all the gifts she got for him without my wife and I. I don’t think it’s the end of the world, but as a parent, I want to see my child’s eyes light up as they unwrap their gifts. I feel it was a slap in the face of my wife and I for standing on moral ground.
It’s almost Christmas of ‘25 and we are in the same situation. My mom sent a text asking “for no presents but our presence” this year. In other words, don’t buy anything as a gift for me, just choose me over your grandparents and blow them off this year. I responded asking for an update on amends with my grandparents because I couldn’t just leave them out. She accused me of leaving him out last year which is an unfair statement.
Looks like Christmas will have to be at my house again this year.
So AITA for letting him spend Christmas alone?
Nta. I would do the same you did last year.
NTA. he was invited but decided to be immature and sulk. can’t imagine he would bring any “christmas cheer” even if he did come!
So let me understand this – your mother and her husband are ripping off your grandparents but they aren’t the bad guys?
So tell your grandparents to stop renting them the land. Kept holding Christmas at your house but no special tine for mom. She either shows up or not.
NTA, stepdad (and mom) are taking advantage of the grandparents generosity by subleasing the cheap land they’re renting from the grandparents at full market value.
Keep the celebration as is, if f the stepdad doesn’t want to participate, that’s on him.
NTA
But your mother and stepfather are. THEY are offended for being called out for cheating your grandparents. Nice!
If they don’t want to participate in the holidays, it is their loss.
NTA.
Enjoy the food and festivities at your house this year. If your SF chooses to sit this one out, that is on him. Also, please don’t allow you mother and SF being your son into the middle, which is what your mother is attempting to do.
BTW I’d be pretty unhappy about the land issue as well. Your SF doesn’t want to admit he was in the wrong.
NTA
Mans gotta grow up
Nta. Your stepdad is ripping off your grandparents and your mom supports that. But also, how in the world does your mom have your child over, who I assume is young given the “watch their eyes light up” without you?
Nta. But your mom and stepfather sure are.
Stepfather is a liar and a thief. Your mother supports a cheat, a liar and a thief. Support grandparents
You are NTA. I hate it when. step parents come in and start making all these demands. Especially when they are taking advantage of the lower prices Grandad is giving them. Maybe Grandad should stop giving them the low rate. Either way your standing up to including your grandparents is kind and respectful and the right thing to do. Your stepdad sounds like a chump.
So your mommy and stepdad ripped off your grandparents and because they were pissed off said so and it hurt the greedy stepdad? Ah hell no. I’d hang with the grandparents and mommy and stepdad can pay full price for the land they are on or leave
NTA. They effectively are defrauding your grandparents . Grandpa may call a spade a spade but he’s entitled to! He’s the landowner and he is seeing morally questionable behaviour by M and SD. Enjoy Christmas Guilt free….. oh and don’t send your son over to spend the day with them. They can bring the presents over to your place!!
What your mom is asking is for you to side a liar and a thief.
I hope your grandparents only apologized for using ‘colourful’ language, not because he scolded your parents for stealing his rights over his own property.
NTA. The fight between your parents and your grandparents has nothing to do with you and others. Do the same like last year.