My (M24) fiancée F (20) has a close relationship with my daughter it is usually very sweet, but sometimes man handles her and even calls her “shitass”(!?). She’s only four but she really loves my fiancé like a mother. Sometimes when she’s looking for attention my fiancée will wield her in the air (over her head) and say something like “get wielded, idiot”
my daughter really seems to enjoy this, but I worry that it is unsafe and will eventually result in injury.
About two weeks ago I asked my fiancée if she would stop wielding our daughter, who is mind you four years old, and she said she loves it, and it would be damaging to their relationship if she stopped. My daughter had to get an emergency surgery, unrelated to the “wielding“ and my fiancé, and even before her official recovery was done, I saw my fiancé wielding our daughter in the air. (luckily she wasn’t hurt) I said to stop at least until her recovery is done, but my fiancé reiterated how damaging it would be for their relationship. We’ve been arguing about this for the past three days and I’ve been sleeping on the couch. Am I the asshole?
EDIT- SHE IS NOT THE BIO MOM I SHOULD’VE INCLUDED THAT ORIGINALLY
Why are you still with this person?
YTA for letting your fiancee call your 4 year old kid a shitass and physically handle her in ways that you don’t approve of as her parent.
I’m sorry, this 20 year old woman is calling your daughter a “shitass” and you’re ok with that?
I know you’re young but bro, your daughter needs to come first.
INFO: Is this not her child as well? Where is bio mom if not the fiancée?
The post-surgery manhandling is very concerning, though. If this is not her bio kid, and you’ve said this behavior isn’t ok and YOU’RE the one on the couch, I hate to tell you that you have some serious respect of boundaries issues with this person.
YTA what the actual fuck? This is so weird. Why are you with this person?? Calling your kid shitass or holding her high in the air is all insane.
NTAH for insisting she stops physically and verbally abusing your daughter.
YTAH for staying with a person who physically and verbally abuses your daughter (even after she just had surgery).
How have you not broken up with her already?
The language is a problem. The proximity to surgery is a problem. I don’t really know what you mean by wielding, so it’s hard to say if what she’s doing is more or less dangerous than the kinds of rough play kids love to do. But the bottom line is that you’re the parent and she needs to respect your wishes with regards to your daughter’s safety. NTA. Maybe find some kind of physical activity they can do together at ground level.
I don’t know what “wield” means in this context, but YTA for having no apparent concern about your child being called a shit ass and an idiot. You are a negligent parent if you marry this fiancé or continue to allow her around your daughter.
I suggest that you immediately enroll in parenting classes so that you can do a better job in the future in protecting your daughter from mistreatment.
ESH- Kids love being thrown around so I don’t know what to think here. If the kid likes it what’s the issue? However- calling her a shit ass isn’t good.
I’m far more concerned with the name calling. What kind of person calls a 4 year old idiot and shitass? Why would you allow your daughter to become attached to someone like that?
What the fuck have I just read 😆
When you say “wield” do you mean just… Holding your daughter in the air?? Children around toddler age enjoy being held/thrown/swung around because it help their brain calibrate their inner ear, and there have been multiple studies showing that doing these sort of play activities with your children is good for development. Your kid likes it because it’s a normal form of developmental play.
I guess ESH tho bcus if your kid’s recovering from surgery that’s not a safe play behavior tho. But otherwise there’s literally nothing dangerous happening to your kid. Go Google it! It’s a real thing!
Side note- I’m guessing English isn’t your first language? wield is a really strange term to use here and it’s going to confuse people. Wield is for like, holding a weapon for combat lmaoo. I just imagine your fiancee holding your daughter like a sword. 😂 If that’s not what you meant, you may need to edit your post for clarity.
My brain has stopped braining after reading this story. Time to die from old now.
The “wielding” is much less of a problem than the fact you want to marry a woman who speaks to a four year old that way, and the fact that she won’t listen to the child’s parent about safety issues.
Getting lifted/tossed/roughhoused with can indeed be super fun for small kids. I remember loving it. But it’s your judgement call to make, not hers, and the imho it’s a hell of a judgement lapse to manhandle a child recovering from surgery. Your fiance sounds like an immature dumbass.
NTA for your feelings, but ffs why are you thinking it’s a good idea to marry someone that interacts with your child in a way you don’t like?