Hi, my name is Sam. I’m a 19 transgender man and I’m currently trying to transitioning socially and physically. First, let me give some background on the situation. I started questioning myself at 11 and eventually found out I was transgender at 13. My parents were really young when they had me so I was mostly raised by my grandparents and aunt from the day I was born. When I was a young teen I suffered a lot of trauma from my dad even though my parents had been separated since I was 4. During that time, my mental health became worse and hid a lot of my emotions from family. When I was 16, my mother and two of my siblings passed away in a fire, it was very traumatic for me especially since I talked to them the day before it happened. My mom was one of the people who supported me a lot when I came out to her besides my oldest sister. A year after in my senior year, my grandma became very sickly even though she had been suffering from a lot of other illnesses. Eventually she passed away in February 2025, which affected me and my family a lot and I ended up in mental hospitals three times. My family struggled a lot financially especially since we’re only living on social security from my grandfather for me, my aunt and himself. Now some information on my aunt. She’s a very practical person, and she’s always been in charge of money since my grandma got really sick. She’s also struggled a lot since she had cancer 3 times due to a genetic bone disease and lost her leg, she’s been an amputee for a year. Here comes the situation, for the past 5 months I’ve been waiting for an endocrinologist appointment I scheduled for January 5th. These appointments can take months to a year to get. So I took the soonest one. It was 2 hours from home but we already drive an hour to my aunt’s doctor in Pittsburgh. I will also add that I don’t have a drivers license but a permit due to all the financial issues. I made the appointment with my therapist since my aunt didn’t have the time so I decided to since I hardly make decisions on my own. As soon as I told her she was upset, saying that they might not take my insurance and it’s too far. I agreed with some of her points but I told her that if she had questions we could call but she shut me down. Since then I haven’t spoken about till today. I told her the appointment is in a few days and she was obviously upset again. My aunt has always been neutral on my transition and identity. I understand that it’s far away but I don’t want to cancel and wait another 5 months again. She’s told me before that I need to make my own decisions since I’m an adult now but whenever I make an appointment for therapy or something like that, she is upset as it doesn’t work for her. I don’t know what to do about this and how to talk to her since all she does is raise her voice at me or act angry. So AITA?
NTA You’re an adult and no one will advocate for your own happiness as much as yourself.
Unfortunately you’re dependent financially on others though and while your aunt isn’t thankfully hostile to your transition they may not be a source of support. Go to your appointment, keep advocating for yourself but in all seriousness get your license and a job / college whatever if you can. It might come to a point where either your grandparent passes or and hopefully not those you live with see physical changes and don’t want to support your transition. Having the financial ability to support yourself will mean you’re never going to be homeless or hungry
NTA for making the appointment.
Did you confirm with the doctors office that they take your insurance?
How do you plan to get there? If the answer is your aunt I’d try to make different arrangements because to me it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t want to take you.
Do you have a job? If not it’s probably time to look for one as you are an adult now and should be helping out with expenses, especially your own experiences. I’m not saying to get a job and pay all the bills, I’m saying get your license, save for a car, maybe help out with smaller household expenses so that money isn’t as tight.
Sorry, but YTA making an appointment and expecting someone else to give you a ride to it, especially if it’s fucking 2 hours away. That’s completely unreasonable
Yeah, driving an hour for HER appointment is one thing, it’s her damn car and she’s paying the copays and expenses to get there. I get insurance is complicated and can be hard to understand but kid def should’ve looked at other alternatives for transportation like the bus or train.
Does your therapist also get paid through your aunt’s insurance? If so then next time can your therapist assist you with how you can find an appointment with a doctor that also takes your aunts insurance? This way it’s not an issue as making sure insurance covers your appoints is a huge relief regarding payments.
Also, all insurances are different, my insurances has an online portal where you can search for the type of doctor you are needing and the zip codes of where they are located around you. Perhaps ask your therapist if this is something similar that your aunt’s insurance has.
If you are able to do then then you will need to call the doctors, confirm they still take your aunt’s insurance and see if they are accepting new patients for your needed type of appointment.
I hope even a little of this helps!
YTA
NTA for taking control of your own medical issues like the adult you are, but YTA for not checking the practical details in advance, you should have figured out the whole insurance thing and how to get there on your own before booking any appointment, you can’t expect your aunt or anyone else to be your taxi.
NTA
Based on your post, your aunt is trying to interfere in your transition. Stop discussing your transition or medical care with your aunt.
You can call the doctor’s office to confirm they take your insurance.
Also, in many states in the US, Planned Parenthood offers healthcare for patients who wish to transition. Two of my family members get their care at Planned Parenthood and have only had nice things to say. In addition to blood work testing and prescriptions for hormones, Planned Parenthood also offers, birth control, STD testing, and prescriptions for PreP if appropriate. If your insurance doesn’t cover your visit, Planned Parenthood offers care on a sliding scale based on income.
Just so you’re aware: If you eventually decide to have top surgery, that can be quite pricey. My FTM trans family member had a year with multiple health issues such that he had already hit his deductible. Because of that, the hospital and anesthesia were mostly covered by insurance (all but $1-2k?). But the surgeon’s fees were multiple thousands of dollars ($8k, I think, considered out of network) and included a payment plan that took a year to pay off. All in, I think it was about $10k and that was with insurance coverage. Family Member is very happy with the results and doesn’t regret the surgery.
I wish you well!
Not TA for making an appointment, but you are an adult now and you need to stop making life difficult for others by expecting them to do things for you like drive you places, especially when it’s 2 hours each way. In this, YTA.
Here is a list of things you need to do:
-call the endocrinologist office and see if they take your insurance. If they don’t, go somewhere else.
-if they do take your insurance, figure out your own transportation to/from this appointment. You may have to take public transit. It may take 4 hours instead of 2. You need to stop expecting others to drive you places. If you can’t figure out public transport before your appointment, reschedule it to a time after you get your driver’s license.
-get your driver’s license. Stop making life difficult for others by making them drop everything to drive you everywhere.
It doesn’t sound like the issue is with your transitioning, it’s with the fact that this appointment is going to cause her a lot of headache. When she had legitimate complaints, your response was “you can call and figure it out…”. That’s not “adult” behavior.
YOU call and figure it out. Make sure this doctor takes your insurance.
Two hours is a really long drive – both ways! That’s not counting the time in the actual appointment. That’s pretty much her entire day. That’s a huge ask of someone who is already doing a lot for you.
You might have to cancel this appointment, and that’s not your aunt’s fault.
This is what you need to do:
1. Call and find out if they accept your insurance. Then call your insurance and find out if they cover the kind of care you need. Just because the doctor’s practice takes your insurance, that doesn’t mean that the insurance will cover the visit or other care you need. Yes, this is terrible, but welcome to adulthood – this is the shit we have to deal with in America. Get started on getting used to it. Use an online tool to help you with a script for what to say when you make these calls if you’re not sure what to say.
If the doctor takes your insurance, and insurance will cover this visit and the associated costs the doctor might prescribe, then proceed to step 2. If they don’t take your insurance and/or insurance won’t cover what you want anyway, cancel the appointment and proceed to step 3.
2. If you’re going to the appointment, try your best to find alternative transportation. Maybe your aunt doesn’t drive you the entire way to the doctor – maybe she drives you to the closest bus situation, and you take a bus some of the way there, an uber the last few miles, etc. Leave way extra early to accommodate all this travel time. There are apps that can help you figure out your path there. I know you probably can’t take a bus from your neighborhood directly to the doctor’s office, but you can probably get pretty close without your aunt having to devote her entire day to this appointment. Maybe a friend can drive you. Stop making her be your personal chauffeur. Maybe she just drives you to the closest bus and then picks you up there on the way back.
If you absolutely cannot find alternative transportation, ASK her if she would be willing to take you to the doctor – and make sure you pay for the gas, pay for any drinks/snacks, buy her lunch, etc. She’s doing you a massive favor, make sure you treat her accordingly – and ask her what you can do for her at home to further make up for it – take on some extra chores, do a special cleaning/maintenance project for her, etc. She’d be doing you a huge favor – THANK her and make up for it by doing good things for her.
3. If the doctor doesn’t take your insurance/insurance won’t cover what you need, you’ll have to find alternative care. Keep trying to find another doctor that does take your insurance – or just start working as hard/as much as you can, and make enough money to pay out-of-pocket for these services (which, yes, will be a lot – but you gotta do what you gotta do).
I think your aunt is probably upset because you’re acting like she HAS to take you, and you made this appointment without asking her if it was OK/Convenient for her. If you could go to this appointment completely independent of her, then yes, you can go to the doctor whenever you want. But because you need her help to make it happen, you do need to take her schedule/needs/feelings into consideration. She’s not your chauffeur, she’s your family. She’s a whole ass person with her own life and needs, and she’s not just at your beck and call whenever you want a ride.
Also… get your license so this won’t be an issue in the future.