I (28F) have been married to my husband (28M) for 6 years and we have 2 kids (3F and 1M). Our kids are having a joint birthday party next weekend and we invited his whole family, including his grandma, who is at an assisted living place about 45 minutes away. She lives fairly close (within 20 minutes) to multiple family members and is about 35 minutes away from my husband’s parents, and when we had given her the invite a couple months ago, she said she would love to come if someone could give her a ride (she can’t drive anymore). My husband told her of course someone would give her a ride.
The kids and I visited her today and she said she had almost forgotten about the party because nobody had been talking about it with her. Come to find out after talking with my MIL and asking if they could pick her up, it is “too inconvenient” for anyone around her to give her a ride and “it’s just about being invited” for her. I normally don’t get involved with my husband’s family affairs, but I had a feeling that my husband would be pissed about it and that he wanted his grandma to be there, so I called his grandma and insisted on him picking her up the morning of and then driving her back after the party. I didn’t tell her that nobody wanted to pick her up or anything like that, we just set a time for my husband to drive down and get her next weekend and I told her he was happy to drive her (which he is).
After that conversation, I guess his grandma called around to see if anyone living closer could give her a ride (all of the family members who didn’t want to). My MIL called me and basically was pissed that I had gotten involved and said I should have gone through her when making arrangements. My husband says I did the right thing and he is happy that I took matters into my own hands to make sure that she is there, but I’m wondering if I overstepped because it’s not my family.
NTA.
Honestly it sounds like you were just trying to make sure an elderly woman who wanted to be there for her great-grandkids actually got the chance. She said she would come if someone could give her a ride, your husband wanted her there, and nobody else was stepping up. You solved the problem in a simple way.
You also didn’t throw anyone under the bus or tell her that the rest of the family didn’t want to help. You just arranged a ride with her grandson, who is completely fine with doing it.
Your MIL being upset about “going through her” feels more like a control thing than an actual issue. At the end of the day it’s your kids’ party and your husband’s grandma. If your husband is happy with the decision, that’s what really matters. And I’m sure his grandma will be really happy to be included.
Exactly. This is about control.
Mil being upset that a ride for g-gma was arranged makes me wonder if she didn’t want her there. Since nobody got “thrown under the bus” or were given a hard time she is angry about something else, maybe control but that doesn’t seem enough.
Either way, NTA
Let me guess. This is hubby’s paternal grandmother, right? And that’s why your MIL (her DIL) doesn’t want her at the party?
NTA Good on ya for caring about gran-in-law & arranging for her to come to the party! Your other in-laws are massive assholes.
NTA , ur a good wife, he’s lucky to have you
NTA. Remember this. When it’s your MIL’s turn, you make sure to leave her in the nursing home. She’ll just be happy to have been invited after all.
NTA
I thought this was going in a different direction. And yeah, if hubby is happy with it, you’re all good.
This is not your husband’s family, this is your family too. You did the right thing and I’m so glad your husband agrees. Enjoy this time with his grandmother, it won’t last forever and if you’re very lucky the kids will remember her. NTA in any way.
NTA. You are married, so grandma is your family too.
How dare your MIL get angry with you for trying to *actually* include someone you invited and wanted there.
Nacho party, nacho business.
Tell MIL to eat it. Kindness is not negotiable in YOUR family.
NTA
You absolutely did the right thing
Your kids should spend as much time with her as they can, she won’t be around forever
And she should definitely be included in family events
Shame on them
NTA You came up with a great solution. They’re mad because now they look like schmucks because they didn’t want to drive her, but they acted like schmucks so, yeah. If they don’t want to look like schmucks, they shouldn’t act like schmucks. That’s a great word.
NTA
Your MiL is just pissed (excuse my language) bc you made her look bad. Good for you for standing up for someone who is not in the position to advocate for themselves! Happy Birthday to your kiddos!
Edit: spelling
NTA.
MIL is just mad that you made her look like an asshole. And let’s be clear, she is an asshole. “Too inconvenient” to pick up your husband’s own grandmother. What a B.