My husband and I have 4 kids (10, 8, 5, 4). 2 of our kids have severe food allergies: one to tree nuts and one to soy. Additionally, my husband and I don’t allow our kids to eat sugar except on special occasions (they still get their birthday cakes and participate in class parties) and we really only eat fast food when we’re traveling.
We just moved for my job so I’ve been doing a lot of play dates to help them make new friends. One rule that I have for everyone that enters our house is no outside foods. There’s hidden nuts and soy in a lot of packaged foods and I get that it can be difficult to find packaged snacks with no nuts, soy, or sugar. I tell the parents beforehand that I will handle all of the food and drinks. Most parents are receptive to this and I’ve never had a complaint about the meals or snacks that we serve.
My son wanted to invite a classmate, Henry, over to play so I reached out to his mom to set a day and time and to let her know that I don’t do outside food due to my kids allergies and dietary restrictions and to let me know if there is anything Henry doesn’t eat. Henry’s mom said that she’d order McDonald’s for the kids. I told her that my kids don’t eat fast food and offered to make something like mac and cheese or chicken tenders. She said Henry has sensory issues and will only eat certain foods and they have to be from the same place every time.
I told her a meetup at my house might not be the best idea if Henry is only able to eat fast food and suggested that we meet up at a local indoor playground that also doesn’t allow outside foods, sells a variety of packaged snacks, and requires that all of the kids wash hands before playing. Henry’s mom refused that option because Henry was excited to play at our house and she insists that I’m being too inflexible over food. I told her if we can’t find a compromise I don’t think a play date will work out. Now my son’s upset that Henry can’t come over and Henry’s mom is complaining to the other parents on my son’s baseball team about me.
AITA for not allowing outside food into my house?
Yowza. You’re both free to insist on whatever you feel is best for your kids. But everyone else is also free to think it’s excessive and adjust their relationship with you both accordingly. She is likewise being inflexible over food — so ESH.
Why doesn’t Henry just come play in between meals?
Right? Why can’t it be a 2 hour play time after lunch and before dinner, where no food is needed?
Exactly! Henry’s Mom can swing by McD’s on the way and fill him up, then drop him off at OP’s for a couple of hours afterwards.
If she can’t deal with that, then yes, a play date somewhere else is the best solution.
YTA! You want people to respect your children’s dietary restrictions, but aren’t will to bend to accommodate her son’s dietary needs due to his sensory issues. You acknowledge your kids eat fast food when traveling, so it isn’t like they never have it. You need to learn to give others the grace you expect to be given to you.
She suggested a play date somewhere that doesn’t involve a meal. She doesn’t have to give her kids McDonald’s just because Henry’s mom thinks he needs it.
I’m not sure if this is a NAH or an ESH.
But I’m curious – are your allergy kiddos then not allowed to ever go over to their friends’ houses given than you can’t control allergens there? And what about at school? They can participate in class parties (food likely coming from multiple sources) but a single kid coming into your house with a snack you can check is that big of an issue ?
NAH, her kid has some type of issue (maybe autism, maybe something else) that necessitates her child eating specific food; your children have dietary restrictions which require you to ban outside food entirely lest they get sick.
I really don’t understand why they can’t just have a play date between meal times though, seems to be the simplest solution. Could you not just say, “let’s feed our kids at noon on Saturday and plan for Henry to come over at 1.”? Is there a problem with that?
Why can’t Henry just eat before he comes over and leave when he’s hungry again? Why can’t Henry get the McDonald’s and you just tell your kids they can’t have any because that’s Henry’s food. Why can’t
Schedule a play date right after a meal that way no one is hungry and food isn’t involved. If he gets hungry, tell her you’ll have snacks at your house. Otherwise, she can pick him up.
YTA. Here you are totally and completely disrespectful of another child’s issues by suggesting going somewhere that doesn’t accomodate him, only you, while expecting the planet to respect your concerns.
You are not wrong to limit outside foods, but McDonalds wasn’t something that was going to trigger either allergy. Yes, I understand that you are anti fast food, but Henry has dietary issues just as your children have dietary issues and you were completely unwilling to come to any kind of compromise that would accommodate Henry’s needs. And no, your suggestion of the indoor playground was even worse than your house as far as accommodating Henry’s needs was concerned.
A true compromise in this instance would be something that accommodates the needs of all of the children, not just yours.
NTA. I mean in kind of side eyeing the no sugar thing since you probably ought to be teaching moderation instead of just straight up abstinence from sugar, but when you have kids with food allergies banning the thing they’re allergic to from your house is entirely reasonable.
Honestly it sounds like the best thing to do would be to meet up in a park or something where they bring their food, you bring yours, and no one has to get upset.
YTA
You said “and we really only eat fast food when we’re traveling.”
You also said “Henry’s mom said that she’d order McDonald’s for the kids. I told her that my kids don’t eat fast food “.
So its ok to eat fast food for your convenience when traveling but not ok to allow fast food at home on this one occassion to accommodate a child with sensory issues? Also you lied to Henry’s mom by saying your kids dont eat fast food and you said it in a judgemental way.
It is not wrong to watch what your kids eat, of course that is good parenting. My kids have allergies, I have allergies and go into anaphylactic shock so im very familiar with reading labels.
None of that makes you the asshole.
What makes you the asshole is lying about not allowing your kids to eat fast food when you do allow this when traveling. It also sets a bad example for your kids if they heard you say this, they know you are not telling the truth and this is modeling bad behavior to your kids, as well as not modeling compassion and empathy for kids with eating differences.