Okay he’s our cousin. Currently back in town working on a home issue for us (he should be done tomorrow). Like 10 years her junior (50, he’s 60). He was claiming that she liked to start shit on purpose and cause arguments and I was pretty vague in going against him. I was like "Things happen and it generally takes 2 to keep a fight going \[or some shit\]" and he just started mumbling to himself and continuously grumbling about it.
A little more backstory (bit all over the place but hopefully you get it):
* This cousin recently won 500,000 dollars in a case settlement with a very big company. TL;DR he lost a toe.
* He is fucking terrible with $$$ and has already blown like a quarter of it over stupid shit.
* He likes to vent a LOT about how hard his life is and how much he misses his toe.
* This is the point of contention. My mom, she’s trying to be peaceable because he’s doing this tough job for cheap BUT she and I are reaching our limits. Again though, he’s to be done tomorrow, she intends to let him have it when he’s done, but anyway…
I just feel so awful. She looked so startled and embarrassed. In my mind I’m thinking "Jesus Christ, I’m 26, surely I don’t have to mediate between these people" but I really wish I’d been louder and angrier. But I don’t know if that was the wrong move. They’re off hanging together now BUT I can’t stop thinking about it 🙁
Am I the asshole/coward? Should I have stood up for her harder and told him to fuck off? I just dk
Your mother doesn’t need you to jump into a conversation she is having with someone to defend her. She can look after herself. You do jot bed to mediate or be involved in any way.
You don’t have to be mean to somebody for that. Now if he tried to put his hands on her? That’s a completely different situation. Definitely intervene. But since this was a verbal spat that seems to have dissipated, it’s okay. You don’t have to feel cowardly. Fighting should definitely be the very last resort. Again putting your hands on someone is an entirely different thing. I understand how you feel. It took everything in me to be tactful when someone working at our house had the absolute nerve to call my mother out of her name and the only reason I didn’t do or say anything was because she told me not to.
In my family it would have been considered very disrespectful if I would have jumped in and told my older cousin something. Even though we are adults, we are still kids to them and should let the elders work it out between each other. Especially if your mother was right there.