So I’ve been with my sister from the beginning of the year ‘learning’ to babysit her kids aged 3 and 5. She’s going on a week trip this month with her husband so I was told to come be with them and get more familiar with the children but I’m about to let her know I won’t be available to babysit for her when she leaves.
I love the kids, they’re a joy to be around but their mom isn’t making it easy. I mean you’re not paying me to be your babysitter and you still complain everyday about little things I couldn’t get right. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve heard ‘thank you for this or this’ from her. Her husband even tries to let me know how much he appreciates that I agreed to do this from time to time but my sister is different. I take all her criticisms without receiving a penny and I know it’s easy to say I shouldn’t be doing it for the money but I believe we all would love some appreciation from the very same person we’re going all out for from time to time.
It’s simple, I don’t want be here when she’s gone for a week because only God knows the number of things she’s going to complain about when she gets back. Secondly she’s told me she might need hourly updates while she’s away and I know she said this as a joke but I wouldn’t put it past her to actually want me to do that. I can’t give her update about how long I’m letting the kids play because she doesn’t want them playing too much lol.
So WIBTA if I decide not to stay, yes this will affect them as they might have to cancel on a plan they’ve had since last year as she doesn’t want an outside babysitter. That’s why I’ve been here ‘learning’
NTA but I would let her know asap so that she can make arrangements. Also, you should sit down with her and communicate the issues you’re having.
Honestly i have tried just not working and yes ill let her know asap
your age? tell your sister now. don’t wait. tell her she is too critical of your actions and you do not want trauma or drama. be done with it. be well
im 22 this year and yes ill let her know
INFO
You say you have been there since the beginning of the year, learning. So you have been living there rent free? Do you have a place to live if you move out? Can you afford to move out?
Do you have experience with children and she is micromanaging or have you never cared for children before and she is teaching you how they need things done? There is no way to know from your post. I need so many more details. Is this her first time leaving the kids overnight or the first time both parents are leaving overnight? If so, anxiety is probably playing a role in that.
yes ive been living rent free, she asked me to come stay here i have my own apartment. this is me basically just helping. Yes ive had experience with children but she wants this her way ony and yes this will be her first time away from them for days
Depends are you going to wait till the last minute to do it or since you seem to have already made up your mind going to do it with ample amount of time for them to find reasonable care or get refund.
YWBTA if you tell her this moments before a trip.
It seems like you’ve known about this trip for a long time. It also seems like you’ve had issues for a long time.
You need to sit down with your sister and talk this out. Communication is always key. What was the understanding when you took this role? Perhaps she had a different idea of what this would be like. Perhaps you did too.
Write down your feelings. Go in calm. Try and explain yourself without attacking her. Be prepared to listen. After that, if you can’t babysit anymore then you need to tell her that
Also – more info is needed here. Are you paying them rent?
It sounds like sheʻs not appreciating you, paying you, or doing you comparable favors in turn. Is that right? If so, absolutely NTA, donʻt let her take advantage of you like this. Tell her now and explain why. (It sounds like sheʻll probably blow up at you, and also try to get other people involved if you have other family you talk to, so expect that.)
ESH.
You’re not TA for not wanting to babysit them, but you are TA for waiting so long to let her know you don’t want to do it. You should have told her immediately so that expectation wasn’t placed on you in the first place, and so they’d have plenty of time to have alternative childcare.
She’s TA for being ungrateful and for “telling you” to babysit the kids.
ESH your sister seems quite controlling and micro managing and it doesn’t sound like she’s very appreciative either. I’m assuming this is going to be her first time away from her kids for such a long period and she probably really struggling to leave them in someone else’s care. But having come stay all this time in preparation for a one week trip is going overboard. However, waiting til the same month to back out knowing she won’t leave the kids with anyone else and has done a ton of planning for this trip sucks too.
I think you both need to work on communication. It seems more like your sister is the problem than you watching the kids. I think you should sit down with sister and her husband and tell them that your sisters behavior is making you not want to watch the kids. But you also need to understand she is going to be nervous since it is her first time away from the kids. I think if she can control her anxiety and expectations you would feel better. The only goal with baby sitting is no one gets hurt and nothing breaks. As for the appreciation I would mention that too but at the same time realize that they are providing you with food and a place to live right now.