I live with my girlfriend, and on Sunday she went to catch up with a friend she hasn’t seen in a while because the friend moved out of town. Her friend is back for around 6 weeks. When she got back, she told me her friend and her friend’s boyfriend will be in town on Saturday.
She’d already planned for us to go out for dinner and drinks with them, then come back to ours afterward for a games night.
I asked why she set all that up without running it by me first. I mentioned that when it comes to having people over, it’s only fair for both of us to agree.
I mentioned that I’ve got things on during the day Saturday and was actually looking forward to a quiet evening to unwind and just order some food, watch some movies, maybe play video games etc as I’ll be pretty tired as work has been stressful and it’s going to be busy this week and I’ll be tired on Saturday evening.
I suggested we hold off and plan something with them for another weekend, but make sure it’s at a time that works for all of us. She wasn’t happy about that and said it was just one evening, and she didn’t think it was too much to ask. But I told her that if we’d talked about it ahead of time, she wouldn’t be in a position where she’d have to cancel.
She thinks I’m being unreasonable and said it’s her right to have her friends over, but I told her that any guests should be something we both agree on.
I wouldn’t make plans to bring people back here without checking in with her, and I don’t think she should either. I also said she shouldn’t be making plans for me without running it by me.
AITAH for not wanting guests in the apartment on Saturday and for telling my girlfriend not to make plans for me?
yeah, just suck it up. it’s one night? recover sunday?
INFO I’d say it depends on how often this happens. If its constantly happening then yeah its worth a deeper conversation. If its exceptional circumstances and short notice due to the people in this case only being around for a short time then I’d think you’d give some leeway. Spontaneous things do happen sometimes and that’s something that it’s reasonable to have some latitude with, with respect to your significant other.
It’s just one night, I say suck it up or just tell them you’re tired and don’t spend a lot of time with them.
YTA
How many times are you going to post this?
ESH? i 100% agree that it’s a two person discussion and that she should have asked you about it first. however if i were in your position and my fiance had already made the plans and my only opposing thought was i just wanted to relax, i would have definitely sucked it up for him if it was the first time he did this.
I mean I guess you can technically ask that but it sounds exhausting being a relationship with you if this needs to be managed (from my perspective)
I think it grants a bigger discussion about whether inviting people is okay, and whether you make an effort to meet each others friends.
From my perspective you just assuming this is something to discuss is unreasonable and I would say YTA, but people have different preferences. However you both need to communicate them and have a longer talk about this.
In any regard, I would not feel happy with a partner who wants to play video games on sater day night instead of meeting people who are important to me. People need their rest, but this is quite a stretch for most people to feel excited in a partner about I think.
Are you going to keep posting this until you get the support you crave ?
YTA, from the title I assumed you meant people staying with you overnight, not someone from out of town spending a few hours with you. This is something you do for your partner. You don’t have to engage the whole time, you can go to bed early. If the people lived locally then maybe you wouldn’t be the AH for asking to reschedule, but they don’t. Just deal with it for the few hours because you love your partner.
ESH yes she should have checked in with you, however this is a friend in from out of town. Just because they are there for 6 weeks doesn’t mean they don’t have other plans with other people or events.
Let it go this time and tell her from now on it’s check-ins first from now on.
I think it’s a bit late for this upcoming weekend considering that this has been posted many times over the last year. YTA
INFO: What was the answer all the other times you’ve asked?
YTA can’t believe you even got a gf with an attitude like this
Man, how many times are you going to post this ? YTA just like the last 2 times.
I mean, she should have talked to you about it but it’s also her place too and I don’t think she needs “permission” to have guests. She can have her guests and you can go to your room or wherever you want to be that doesn’t include her guests lol.