My (27f) best friend (28f) has been making some choices that deeply upset and worry me. She and her new husband don’t want to get jobs, already have 5 kids between them, and won’t stop getting pregnant even though they’re currently facing evictions. They’re not paying their bills but they always can afford weed and expensive junk food. She’s been pregnant nonstop for the last few years, with one birth and 6 miscarriages, a few of which have been second trimester miscarriages needing labor to be induced to pass the stillborn babies. I’ve been supporting her in every way I can. When she had her last baby I gave her frozen meal prep and took care of her other 4 kids.
However, I started to notice that she was really thriving off the attention people were giving her for these pregnancies. Almost like that was the whole point of her doing it, so I decided to stop enabling her by giving her the attention she was looking for.
She’s currently 5 months pregnant and wants me to throw her a baby shower. I told her I wasn’t gonna have time because I started a new job (which is true, but I’d make it happen if I really wanted to and she knows that). The problem is that I agreed to be a maid of honor in our other friend’s wedding. I know she’s already been noticing my lack of effort and as soon as she finds out that I signed up for the MOH role, she’s going to be pretty upset.
So AITA for not showing any interest in my best friend’s pregnancy even though she doesn’t really have a village to support her anymore? I feel really bad, but my efforts felt like enabling her bad decisions.
You been a great friend but this person has been…well a leech, please look after yourself from now on.
NTA. It’s not a standard to have multiple baby showers. Five is pretty wild tbh
It’s also tacky that she asked.
Sounds like between your new job and supporting your friend’s marriage, you won’t have time for the baby shower. I’m assuming you’ve thrown her one before. In any case, she’s had her turn 🤷♀️
A second baby shower is usually rare. A fifth is unheard of. They don’t need baby gifts, they should have everything already.
NTA for stepping back completely
I’ve mostly see people throwing a “sprinkle” for any kids after #1 (just diapers etc)
She should agree to throw it, and then make all guests promise that they will only bring condoms, IUDs, the Pill, etc. It’s not a clown car! So gross.
If your so-called best friend does things against your values and beliefs, 1) is she really your best friend? 2) your time is yours to give to who ever you feel deserves it.
NTA.
Nta.
Don’t be afraid to be bluntly honest with her. If she asks why, say you have no desire to enable or support bad decisions. Full stop.
It doesn’t sound like this is a friendship you want to out effort into keeping. Being honest will help you distance yourself from this mess.
NTA. She sounds like a leech, and is expecting others to take the responsibility she and her husband won’t themselves. She doesn’t get priority over your other friend and their wedding if you already committed to that first, and having time to focus on your new job as well is important.
Might be an unpopular opinion but they don’t sound like great parents anyway, does she smoke while pregnant or around the children? Do the children eat decent meals that aren’t junk? Obviously we don’t know the whole story but just based on what you’ve said about her I’d honestly be considering calling CPS.
NTA, and the weed and junk food in excess can actually increase the risk of those miscarriages
NTA. Please stop being friends with these people.
You don’t need a baby shower for a 6th kid.
NTA, I feel sorry for her children.
It’s okay to take a step back when someone is making such a selfish decision, don’t feel obligated to support her just because she’s your friend.