I’m 28F and have a younger brother who has been trying to move out of our parent’s house for the past year. He recently got a new job and found an apartment he really liked. The issue is that he doesn’t have much credit history, so the landlord said he would need a co-signer.
A few months ago, when he was still job hunting, I told him that if he found something reasonable and stable employment, I’d consider co-signing. At the time, it felt hypothetical. He hadn’t even started applying seriously yet.
Fast forward to now, he has the job, found a place, and asked me to co-sign. I asked to see the lease terms. The rent is on the higher end for the area, and the lease includes a clause that makes the co-signer fully responsible if the tenant defaults, including legal fees. When I asked him about his budget, it seemed tight and he will have maybe a couple hundred dollars left each month after bills.
I told him I wasn’t comfortable signing something that could legally obligate me for thousands of dollars if anything went wrong. I suggested he look for a slightly cheaper place or consider getting a roommate first to build rental history. I also offered to help him with a larger security deposit or first month’s rent instead, so he would have a stronger application.
He was really upset. He said I went back on my word and that he told the landlord he had a co-signer lined up. He also said that as his older sister I should want to help him get started, and that I clearly don’t trust him.
I told him it’s not about trust it’s about risk. I have my own mortgage and student loans. If something happened with his job or if he decided to move out early, I would be legally responsible.
He hasn’t really spoken to me much since. My parents are staying neutral but have hinted that I could take the leap to support him.
I do feel guilty because I did say I would consider it, and I know he was counting on me. At the same time, I didn’t expect the lease terms to be so strict or the rent to be that high.
AITA for refusing to co-sign after initially saying I would?
NTA. You made the right decision. You can support him without leaving yourself so financially vulnerable
NTA. When in doubt, don’t.
INFO: Why can’t your parents co-sign?
NTA you said you’d CONSIDER it and after looking over the terms you didn’t feel comfortable but still offered financial help for a reasonable place. You gave him sound advice as well but yeah you’re NTA for not wanting to have that level of financial obligation to someone. I think it’s more than reasonable and actually incredibly generous to just want to hand over a set amount of money to get him started rather than put yourself at risk for an unpredictable amount.
NTA. There’s only one way that this situation ends well, and sooo many possibilities where it ends badly.
You don’t sound as though you had understood what it means to co-sign. Co-signers are always 100% responsible for the debt in the case of default.
NTA. he clearly isn’t grown enough to understand how big a difference a few hundred dollars will make in rent when you’re starting out.
NTA. You said you’d consider it if he found a reasonable place. You did consider it, and the lease terms combined with his budget make co-signing both financially unreasonable and irresponsible.
If your parents think you could “take the leap to support him,” why aren’t they?
look.. “id consider it” isnt a yes. the lease terms changed the math and you offered alternatives. thats not betrayal thats common sense. his frustration is real but your mortgage matters too. he’ll get there, just not on your credit line rn
**(NTA)**
Slight YTA, but only because you clearly had a series of expectations that would make you feel comfortable moving from “considering” to “agreeing” to co-sign, and you didn’t communicate those to your brother at any point in the multiple months since your initial conversation.
If you wouldn’t co-sign if the rent was over X amount monthly based on his income, or with the very standard and unsurprising clause of most leases that as the co-signer you are responsible for any missed payments, that should have been made clear. Not because you’re obligated to help him, but because it probably would have changed how he looked for an apartment. You made a tentative offer without any parameters, then created parameters in the 11th hour that he didn’t know about before.
Nta. you looked at the numbers and he is renting too high for you to sign with comfort.
>At the time, it felt hypothetical.
You’re full of it. That’s the worst, most BS excuse you could possibly lean on.
> the lease includes a clause that makes the co-signer fully responsible
No ••••, Sherlock. That’s what co-signing is.
You made a commitment without even a second’s thought because you imagined you’d never have to actually help the person to whom you made a big commitment? YTA
Why aren’t your parents signing for him? You could help financially, and they could sign for him since they think you should help. You are NTA for deciding not to take on that big risk. You have your own stuff to cover.
NTA You said that you would *consider* it. You did your considering, offered options and instead of accepting those options, he chose to place the blame on you. Too bad, baby brother, big sister has a brain and used it!
Yta.
You shouldn’t cosign anything unless you can afford to make the payments yourself if the person defaults.
What makes you the asshole is agreeing in the first place without thinking it through. Your brother went months planning based on what you said, and it was shitty to backtrack once you committed.