Hi! Just some context, I (F17) have been part of a group of 3 other girls for 6 years now and we have been planning a graduation trip so that we can get all the flights/tickets booked before our final exams. At the beginning of this year, another girl joined our group who has been close with us for a while and when we brought up the trip, she was so excited to go with us.
However, about 4 weeks ago, she mentioned that wanted to move our trip from late Jan/early Feb which was when we had planned it to be, to November or December. The reason being that she was going on a trip with her family and wanted to align the times of the trips so that she could take flight straight from there to our planned location. However, for 2 people in my group, me and one of my friends, uni applications and interviews align directly during that time period (November – early Jan) which are unable to be rescheduled/changed.
Personally, I prioritise university interviews/applications quite highly so I told her I didnt think that was possible and if there was any way that she could just do the previously agreed upon date. During this conversation I had with her, she looked visibly upset so I dropped the conversation and left it at that.
However, in our group chat, I later see a long message with all the approximate dates of university applications/interviews to the places that me and my friend were planning on applying to. In this message, she pointed out that there was a one week gap between two of the interviews where we could go and come back because "theres no need to study 1 week for an interview".
I was quite upset that she had a) sent this in the group chat when this could be a private conversation between us and b) put me on the spot and a situation where I couldn’t say no very easily. I tried to put off the message for as long as possible and I think I responded after a week basically telling her that interviews were really competitive and that I would rather have no regrets for something that was really important in my life.
I thought that would be the end of the conversation but she brings it up later in front of the group and says that she would be willing to do the February time but she would rather it be interstate rather than the international location that we brought up because she wants to be in the country a few weeks before uni starts. When I asked her why, she didn’t give a very clear answer and mentioned something about being prepared in case there are any social events that occurred. When I tried to tell her that there probably wouldn’t be any, she pointed out that she had already conceded the date and made me feel really guilty and then changed the conversation again.
After this, she then brought it up again and made a show of being considerate to me and my requests, saying that she was making a large sacrifice. So, AITA for not being willing to compromise to my friend?
NTA
If she joined the trip plans AFTER they were planned and after the entire group had agreed just so she can preplan trips between Yall and her family it seems a bit selfish on her part.
Her public gc msgs and manipulation tactics were also really clear. She purposely put you in a situation where it was hard to say no just to get her way. Plus interviews/uni is far more life altering and life dependent than social events.
You’re in the right OP
NTA you guys had plans and invited her along, she doesn’t get to change the plans to be convenient for her and screw over the people who have already made the schedule. If she can’t make too bad so sad. Quit giving her reasons because it’s just going to create space for her to try and work around you. “We’ve had these dates picked for a reason and for a while now and all agreed on the location. We’d love if you can make it but if it’s not some place you want to go or the dates don’t work for you maybe we can plan another trip some other time”
She will run the entire trip. Maybe stick with original three girls.
Oh for crying out loud. Do what you need to do. Look to the future.
If she is like this now in a few years it will not matter .
JUST SAY NO.
NTA, she’s obviously manipulating you.
NTA.
This person is not your friend. I recommend that you not include her on your trip.
Good luck!