I (18M) did not get a haircut for over 14 months and my father (56M) told me to get a haircut and that I look horrible, but I didn’t know which haircut to get so i didn’t get a haircut.
We are going to have a big holiday soon where most of our family meets, so my father told me that if i don’t get a haircut he will stop talking to me and will not pay for my college tuition like we agreed he would do. and he also told my mother (46F) to stop talking to me because it would embarrass him in front of the whole family. He also said he would disown me and that I am no longer his child.
So Am i the asshole for not getting a haircut. I can just get a haircut but I don’t want to be forced to do something because of some people.
your hair, your choice. dad’s being overdramatic.
NTA…As long as you can live with the repercussions. It’s your body and your choice. Personally I don’t like bullies, threats, or ultimatums; but only you know how important that tuition money is to you.
Yes. Cut your hair, take his money, graduate college, then grow out your hair and never speak to him again. ..l.. ..l..
You’re an adult. Get a haircut…or don’t. As long as you can live with the fallout.
NTA, but you have 2 options don’t cut your hair or cut your hair.
If you decide to not cut your hair you need to tell them that them coercing you to cut your hair has backfired as you accept their ultimatum to disown you and that THIER decision to not be your parents won’t be forgotten. And you should reach out to the family members that are coming for money to help for college and when they ask why tell them because your parents disowned you but you still want to be apart of the family. You should also tell your extended family that you got disowned before your parents do because they will lie to them to save face.
If you decide to cut your hair you should tell your entire family during the trip that they coerced you into cutting your hair to the point they would disown you if you didn’t listen.
You got to choose what you want to happen
I think the bigger issue is that at age 18, you are afraid to get a haircut because “ you don’t know what haircut to get”. It’s quite possible that your dad‘s actual objection as well…That you are not making basic adult decisions to take care of yourself. He may have ascribed it to apathy, sloth, or rudeness, or he may be worried about self-confidence and not know how to express that or support it.
Either way, your hair is a very low stakes decision. Time to get out there and start practising making these choices for yourself.
NTA but actions have consequences. If he is paying for your school he can stop paying so you need to make a plan to cover your payments
NTA
What are your options? Can you manage without their money?
Tbh, looking back on the years with my own abusive parents, I’d get the haircut, take the tuition money, finish school, then go my own way, even if that’s no contact. You can refuse the money and be true to yourself now and possibly cost yourself opportunities long-term, or you can play along for now, go nuts when you’ve got what you needed from them. Consider it damages for the controlling behaviour.
There’s an old phrase – Is this the hill you want to die on? Is keeping your hair long worth everything that you’d lose? Yes, your dad is being a controlling asshole. But, is college tuition worth putting up with his assholedness? Only you can decide that. You have to weigh the costs.
If you want to go the path of the hippies, accept to be disowned and go find your commune of long haired souls. It has been done before.
Do I agree with your father? No. But you are an adult, he does not have to keep supporting you. Do I think he is making a mistake? Oh yes. You are more important than your hair.
However: if you need your parents’ money, you will have to accept what comes with it, within certain boundaries. Is your hair the last straw, worthy of breaking with your family?
I will say NTA because I don’t think hair matters that much, but really, this is a stupid hill for a last stand.
your body, your choice and all that but seeming as you only didn’t get a haircut because you don’t know what cut to get, not because you don’t want a hair cut just make a decision and get it cut. pick your battles, a hair cut(which could just be a trim to neaten it up) doesn’t seem to be the hill I would want to die on. ESH – OP dad is being over dramatic but OP seems to be putting off a haircut simply because they can’t make a decision
Your parents aren’t pushing this to please themselves. They’re pushing this because they think your hair is unkempt, and it’s making you look like a slob. They’re worried that this will give people a negative impression of you at school/college, at job interviews, etc. They’re also worried that this is a sign you aren’t adulting in other areas of your life.
It’s your hair and your choice, and that’s the most important thing you need to realize here. This is your life. Take responsibility for it. Cut your hair or don’t cut your hair, but don’t complain about the consequences.
It is fairly easy to walk into a barber’s and tell them you don’t know what style will look good, and ask can they please do something that looks decent and is easy to look after. Ask them to show you how to style it. Book another haircut for 3 months before you leave. Done.
Or keep it long, but you’ll likely still need a haircut. I’ve grown my hair out many times, and after a couple of years I guarantee it’s looking pretty feral. You can go to the barber’s, tell them you’re growing your hair out, and ask for a long style. Then watch a few videos on YouTube to show you how to look after long hair. Start practicing.
But do something.
ESH. If you had long hair because you love having it, I’d say N-T-A and keep the long hair, but really a haircut doesn’t seem like it would be a big deal to you, you’ve just been too lazy to figure out what cut you’d want and get it done. Threatening to disown someone over a haircut is ridiculous though.
ESH, but more your dad than you. One thing worth considering, is that if he’s threatening to disown you over this, what else will he use that threat over in the future? Is having your ability to go to college on his dime worth the potential of him using it again for leverage in the future? I would strongly consider making alternative plans for the next few years of your life that don’t rely on the goodwill of your father.