My son calls me out of the blue (since he got married 5 years ago we haven’t had the close bond we once did). He told me he can’t live on his 112k a year salary. He then asked me if I would help him (monetarily). He traded his 240k house for a 350k house, has 2 new vehicles he leases, who knows what other expenses and asked me for 20k to pay his credit card debt. I have no expenses beyond my rent (im never home so buying a house makes little sense) and my utilities. I don’t have 20k to give him and I feel like even if I did, I wouldn’t. He must be living beyond his means. And he went to a baseball sme on the company credit card and now worries he could lose his job as a new owner takes over. AITA for referring him to a debt consolidation company and refusing to financially help my child?
NTA. He needs to stop keeping up with the Joneses.
NTA, time for him to own up to his spending issues. Using a company credit card for a basketball ball game ticket is beyond stupid. So now he’s in a giant hole, possibly going to be unemployed.
Yes and as a father I worry for him but you are right.
It’s only natural as a father/parent to worry. But my grandfather never said no to my aunt always giving her money, she wouldn’t listen to anyone and just wouldn’t pay bills. After my grandfather died, she and her husband bought a new trailer to put on the land that my grandfather left her, using the land as collateral. Yes, they lost the trailer and the land. She also stole my cousins college fund. About 10 years or so later after more financial mess, my aunt ended up homeless. Last i heard, she’s had a job and her own place for a few years.
WOW thank you for that something to really think about!
My grandfather worried for my mom and dug her out of every financial hole she found herself in. Consequently, she lived her entire life like a 20 year-old with no responsibilities. Now grandpa is dead and guess who she thinks should now clean up her financial messes/fund her old age because she saved absolutely nothing for retirement? For the sake of your grandkids, don’t bail him out.
NTA
If he can’t live within his means, he needs to increase his means.
Side note: refer him to Credit Counseling. Debt consolidation companies are shady.
Do not give your son money. I know that is hard but you won’t be helping him. He needs to learn how to better manage his finances. Find a financial advisor and offer to pay for the sessions (or maybe just the first one?). If you give him money, he will learn nothing and you will become an atm as he continues to spend beyond his means.
As they say on the airplane safety briefing, “put on your own mask before assisting others.”.
NTA
1. You CANNOT help
2. I don’t know where your son lives, but even in a high COL area he is making poor financial choices, and would probably make poor decisions with whatever money you gave him.
A professional credit counseling that you recommended is his best option.
Thank you so much
250k and 350k houses tell me that he’s actually in a low COL area
NTA, sounds like he’s maxed out his lifestyle. With a 7-8K/mo income he’s spending maybe $3200/mo on mort, maybe $500-800/mo per car, guestimate $1000 for discretionary/bills. He should still have a surplus of $2-3K extra. Sounds like he’s found a way to blow that every month. Needs financial advice.
His mortgage is 3100 a month and I bet you’re right about the car leases. I believe he’s spending beyond his means.
He can’t live on a 112k/year salary because he’s living like he’s got a 150k+/year salary. NTA