I (37m) have PTSD from a rough childhood that involves my older sister. I opened up about it roughly 1.5 years ago and have been dealing with the fallout since. I’ve had a lot of therapy and am doing a bit better, I just still have a long way to go. But as a result, I have trust issues, and I’ve never really felt connected to anyone except for my wife and daughter.
When I opened up, my parents and brother were in panic mode, and understandably so. However, my family has completely failed to support me. My parents have trivialized the trauma and basically don’t want to know anything about it. They have made zero effort of supporting me. They are completely closed about everything and prefer to stick their heads in the sand.
My brother had a ton of questions in the first few weeks, but it always felt like he was mostly questioning me ("I believe you, but.."). We haven’t talked about it since. As a matter of fact, we’ve barely had any contact. I have seen him a total of 2 times this entire year, while we literally live 2 minutes away from each other. He asked me how I was once when I accidentally ran into him, but other than that, no messages asking how I’m doing, if there’s anything he can do, nothing. He was never really that involved much with the family to begin with, we’d only see each other on birthdays, holidays and family trips. But since my sister is still a happy/normal part of the family, I just distance myself from them.
My daughter’s 7th birthday is coming up, and when I asked whether she wanted to invite my brother and his family, she said no. I asked her why, she didn’t really have any reasons, she just didn’t want to invite them. I’ve asked multiple times, but she stuck with her decision. I’m not surprised, because she hardly ever sees them and barely even knows them. We respect her decision, it’s her day, it should be up to her. We’ve invited my wife’s side of the family, a friend of us, and my parents. My brother is the only one that’s not invited.
Just yesterday I got a text from my brother asking whether we were celebrating her birthday. I told him yes, and not wanting to lie, I explained that she didn’t want to invite them despite asking her multiple times. I haven’t heard from him since. And despite standing behind the decision, I still feel like an asshole. So am I the asshole?
NTA You have little contact and when you do he keeps ripping off the bandage on your healing. Just go nc already.
Your call on the invite. but it is odd that you invite your parents who have been even less supportive than your brother.
Protect your child. At seven she clearly doesn’t feel comfortable with your brother so don’t push it. She is recognizing how they aren’t in your life or hers and she is making her choices. Dont feel bad. Feel proud that you raised a daughter who knows who is important in her life already.
I read somewhere that age 7 is the age of reason.
NTA, I would also add not inviting the parents along with the brother. They all sound less than supportive.
Agreed. At least the brother heard him out before shutting him down. The parents just stuck their fingers in their ears and hummed. Distance yourself from all of them.
Seriously, why are parents invited if the brother isnt ?