I (31) am getting married on Halloween in 2027. A little background. I was raised by my grandma from the time I was four till I moved out. My mom just recently came back into my life three years ago. Well she’s been known that my grandma was going to walk me down the aisle. Well when it came to me setting a date she got mad when I rejected her walking me down the aisle. I asked her why she was mad and she thought that when it came time I would let her walk me down the aisle with my grandma. I told her she could not. She says that means I do not forget her. I said I do but my grandma earned that right. She is mad and will not attend my wedding because she cannot walk me down the aisle. She said that she is entitled to her feelings. I am too. She had missed all the most important events in my life and she’s willing to do it again. I do not talk about the wedding in front of her out of respect. She will occasionally bring it up. Sometimes she is disrespectful and tells me she does not give a s***. I ignore her. She told a mutual friend that she saved up money for me but will not give it to me unless I ask for it. When I got engaged she started saving up change but I forgot about it. When I told her she could help me she sent me colors that were not part of my theme. Would send me a dress knowing that I’m not going to wear one. Telling multiple people over and over that she will not be attending my wedding. So im asking AITA for not letting my mom walk me down the aisle?
I think you are absolutely correct.
nta. honestly i wouldn’t even want her as a guest, after all this. wash your hands of her nonsense.
Same here
She wants to be the star of the show. When you won’t let her, she plays the victim.
Time to keep mom at arm’s length.
NTA.
Yes. She is entitled to her feelings but at the end of the day she wasn’t there before… You are also entitled to make decisions about who is in your life and what kind of role they will provide…
NTA. Not even remotely. This seems more like mom wanting public recognition when she has barely been a part of your life and has not earned the role she is hoping for. The holding money over your head BS is an attempt to manipulate you. I think her not attending is unfortunately for the best. Stick to your boundaries and have the day YOU want. This is a big moment in your life and it sucks that she is adding unnecessary drama.
NTA Your mother should be glad she is invited. The wedding is about you and your partner! Maybe it is a good thing that she won’t be there, that way she won’t try to make it about herself. I heard a saying today “Accept people for who they are, but place them where they belong. You are the CEO of your life! Hire, fire, and promote accordingly!”
I think that statement says it all. It might be time to demote your mom until she can prove that she deserves better!
Congratulations on your wedding! Remember, you deserve the best in life, don’t settle for less!
NTA She does get to come in after years of being away to get an honor bestowed like that.
I attended a wedding of a couple who walked up the aisle together to get married. No one was giving the bride away; she was an independent woman. Do what you want for your wedding.
I just got married on Halloween 25!
I walked myself. My father is deceased, my grandfather could not attend. My mother wanted me to ask my step father, but he and I have had a contentious and rocky relationship for the duration of their dating and marriage, and I knew HE would never offer it to me unless I asked because he is prideful. I told her I wouldn’t, and she was extremely upset.
Didn’t matter. I knew I wouldn’t feel right allowing him to do that given our history and how he treated my future husband, which was not good. So I walked myself, and it was hard and she pushed me a couple times to reconsider, but I am glad I stuck to my guns. I set up a memorial table at the ceremony for my dad to honor him instead. I know it annoyed my mother, step father, and his side of the family, but I don’t care. It was one o my absolute favorite parts of my wedding, actually.
NTA and my recommation is to stick to your decision and listen to your feelings.
A good parent will support just about anything for their child’s wedding day. This is about control for her, not being there for you.
Narcissism is a mental illness and this shows how control is sadly more important to them than connection. My own birth Mom is also a narcissist who missed every major event of my life. My Grandpa raised me. Yet my birth Mom wants to swoop in and claim the title of Mother and get credit for moments she was never a part of. It’s already hurtful when they’ve missed out on so much. And it’s even more hurtful when you realized they haven’t changed, and they’ll never change. Get people who support you to be at your wedding, you don’t have to put up with this.
NTA. Yes your mom is entitled to her feelings, but you are also entitled to make your own decisions as an adult. And I think the decision to have grandma, who raised you and supported you for your entire life, be the one to walk you down the aisle was the appropriate choice in this situation. Seems like mom needs to come to terms her extended absence having long term consequences.
NTA. And any time she says she won’t be attending your wedding, thank her effusively for making that her wedding gift to you.
I would also be locking down the vendors with passwords and arranging security for the reception…
Nta
But I wouldn’t give her the venue location if you haven’t till that week just in case also put passwords on all wedding vendors just as a precaution