I (32m) was out to lunch with a friend (35m) and his girlfriend (36f). She was wearing pearls she had worn at her wedding to her ex husband. She was showing us pictures of the wedding and her wearing the pearls saying how much she loves them. This isn’t the first instance of her bringing up her old relationship, and by now it was starting to get on my nerves. She asked what I thought and I told her I didn’t think it was appropriate to be talking so much about her previous wedding. She got all offended saying her mother gave her those pearls and that I’m in the wrong and those pearls are a family heiloom. My friend didn’t have much to say about it. I hope I didn’t offend him too bad. Is this normal, was I in the wrong?
Bringing up her ex husband/wedding constantly No, not normal.
Continue to where Heirlooms, yes.
NAH
It seems odd that she’s making frequent references to her former relationship.
Nonetheless, you need to take your cue from your friend; if he doesn’t seem have a problem with it, it isn’t your place to make it a problem.
YTA for not asking your friend about the situation before jumping in with both feet.
YTA. Her wearing the pearls is fine. They were a family heirloom.
Her constantly bringing up her previous relationship, to the point she’s showing wedding photos is weird. She’s an asshole for that. But that’s not what you asked.
Also it’s not your place to bring this up. Your friend is an adult (I assume) and can speak for himself if he has an issue. So you also inserted yourself into their relationship, another asshole thing to do.
I know you’re trying to look out for your friend but this isn’t appropriate. You should have spoken to him 1-to-1 and told him your concerns and allowed him to deal with it himself.
I agree with this so much!
1. Wearing the pearls is not a problem.
2. Telling everyone the pearls are from her 1st wedding IS a problem.
3. Showing photos of her 1st wedding while her current boyfriend is around is problematic and bizarre.
4. It’s not your place to comment on it unless your friend asks for your opinion.
YTA for telling her what to wear.
If you’re worried about their relationship ask your friend if they’re okay. If she’s hung up on the ex, that’s a them thing to figure out & you are there as a mate for your mate.
Pearls and heirloom jewellery are very sentimental and often quite valuable. If the conversation was about that and not the ex and the wedding specifically then that’s a different context.
YTA
YTA! The pearls were given to her by her mother and are a family heirloom passed down to her. It’s none of your business how often she wears them. You were wrong to say she shouldn’t wear them just because she wore them for her wedding to her ex. You have no right to tell anyone what to wear or not wear. YTA for that!
The showing of her wedding pictures is weird, but again, not your business. If your friend has a problem with it he can discuss it with her. YTA for overstepping.
YTA.
Quality jewelry costs money so even if it wasn’t her family’s heirloom, what is she supposed to do with it, throw the pearls away?
If your friend has a problem with it, he needs to talk to her about it.
YTA. First of all, not your business and no one asked your opinion. Secondly, family gifts aren’t about a previous relationship.
You’re weirdly defensive on behalf of a guy friend who isn’t upset. He’s engaged to this woman, if he doesn’t like something he needs to put on his big boy pants and handle it himself. If he can’t do that he’s not ready to get married.
YTA This is a really weird rule for you to make up and try to impose on somebody else. I’ve worn the same suit to a dozen weddings. Who TF are you to tell me that I have to buy a different suit each time?
“AITA for telling my friends gf she shouldn’t be wearing the pearls she wore to her previous wedding?” Yes, of course you are. You have absolutely zero business telling someone else what to wear, and less than zero telling her she should not wear pearls that her mother have her. How can you doubt that?
You say “her previous wedding,” but as far as I can tell it’s the only one she’s ever had, and she’s never had another. She hasn’t married your buddy. You don’t suggest that he is bothered by her talking about her wedding. You might want to stop and wonder why it bothers you so much. You say you hope you didn’t offend your friend, so apparently you don’t care whether you offended the woman whose speech you criticized. Who are you to tell her what is appropriate for her to talk about? “Was I in the wrong?” 100%.
YTA – They are nice pearls that mean something because her mom got them for her. She obviously likes the pearls. It doesn’t mean she’s longing for her ex. My ex bought my dog and now I’m happily married to someone else. Should I get rid of my dog because she was part of past relationship? No.
She’s showing pictures of the pearls and how much she likes them. She was likely at her prettiest on her wedding day wearing those.
You’re making this about her previous relationship somehow, while she only mentions how she looks. You’re not even addressing what she’s saying, you’re making up your own premise.
YTA.
If she’s wearing the pearls (which is how it sounds to me, could be my misinterpretation) why would you need to pull out photos of them? Seems weird. I kind of agree with the YTA but I think sometimes being TA is justified.