For background he’s an exceptional grandfather and loves my baby a lot. Yesterday, however, when he came into the room to hold the baby I could smell that he had just smoked so I sternly told him to leave as the baby was being cranky. Afterwards I even called to checkup on his feelings and I even went to him to try to explain why I was being strict about it. He told me that he had felt disrespected and that it had never been an issue before so why today. To add fuel to the fire, my mother kept defending him by saying that when my brother and I were kids he would smoke in-front of us and we’re fine so it’s not like he’s smoking in-front of the baby.
My parents are amazing grandparents and they really take care of the baby but this entire ordeal really broke my heart because I even kept apologising afterwards and I know I’m not wrong here. So AITA?
NTA, in my opinion. I hate the smell of cigarettes and that stink always clings to everything. Also your mom bringing up that he smoked in front of you when you were young is not the flex she thinks it is
Did you get a lot of ear infections as a kid?
NTA no need to expose an infant to smoke. He can use a patch when he’s coming to visit. It’s no big deal, after all.
Welp. That explains my constant childhood ear infections. Lol.
NTA. Smokers smell horrible, and cigarette smoke is dirty.
NTA there should be 0 smoking around a baby, their lungs can’t handle it
My BIL is a pediatrician and would agree with you 100%.
NTA. For one, it’s a perfectly valid request. For two, even if they disagreed with it, it’s still your baby therefore they need to abide by your rules/ standards/ boundaries.
NTA
Aside from the fact that residue smoke smells awful, many people don’t realize 3rd degree smoke inhalation is particularly dangerous for babies.
Think about it. When your baby is being held by your father, whom is wearing clothes inundated with cigarette smoke, they’re directly inhaling all of those toxic chemicals into their under developed lungs.
You’re doing the right thing, and your father has an important choice to make. Quitting smoking is incredibly difficult but maybe this will give him the kick he needs to get on it.
If the smells bothers you, it’s certainly bothering the baby.
Exposure to second hand smoke can trigger asthma in children.
My father smoked outside only, never in the house — all 3 kids had childhood asthma. The states with the highest smoking rates – shocker – have the highest asthma rates in children too.
It’s not anecdotal.
Your parents can be blasé about it all they want; second hand smoke from clothing is enough to impact babies, especially repeated exposure. It’s why its illegal to smoke in a car with kids in it in many parts of the world. Its not opinion, its not feelings, it is a fact.
NTA- I am still smoking- my Daughter had these rules- I had no problem with them because it is Science. Edit- Doctors recommend smokers to stay away from Babies for a couple of hours after smoking as it can contribute to SIDs.
Cooking from a now grown child of TWO smokers you are 100% NTA. My parents still smoke in their house. I live next door and if I spend more than about 30 minutes in their house at a time i get a terrible headache. The doctors told them repeatedly I was allergic but they just said that wasn’t true. I kept Sinus infections until I moved out at 18yo. So please keep your baby as smoke free as possible. It’s miserable to be a kid and have no way away from it.
My son was on oxygen for six months because he was a preemie. No one in my family smokes. Unsolicited my son’s pulmonologist’s advice was if someone smokes they should shower and change their clothes before holding the baby. So your gut instinct is correct.
As a smoker, and grandparent, NTA. I wash hands, take coat off, change clothes if needed around babies. Did I do this around my own kids, nope. Do we know better now, yup.