I’ve had this friend for about 15 years. She’s gone through a lot of financially trying times and abusive relationships and seems to have finally found something stable with a boyfriend who recently proposed. I should be clear she’s never before asked me for money.
Recently, I’ve been so happy to see how well her and this guy are doing. They bought a new vehicle, and they traveled abroad where she expected him to propose (and he did). This was just a few weeks ago.
Tonight I got a message on Facebook from her, asking for a $1,500 loan for a vet bill. She claims her pet is potentially dying and she and her guy can’t qualify for a loan for the bill so she’s reaching out to me. She also threw in that there’s the potential need for a surgery that would cost another $4,000. For all I know that’s just the start from the vet.
My personal policy is that you don’t loan money to people, even friends and family, unless you’re prepared to lose that money and never be paid back. I am not prepared to lose that amount of money. It’s technically in my bank account, but it’s not like I’m independently wealthy or something. It would be a legit hardship if I never got that money back.
Anyway, I told her no. She was friendly about it and said she understands and that if I can forgive her for asking, she can forgive me for saying no. But I still am wondering if I’m the asshole.
On the one hand, I’ve known her for so long, I wonder if I owe her some extra assumption that I’ll get paid back, or an extra forgiveness if I don’t get paid back. On the other hand, like I said this would be a hardship if I don’t get the money back. And I also feel like it’s inappropriate to ask me to cover for something like this, when they’ve spend tens of thousands in recent months on wedding-related plans, reserving nothing for an emergency like a sick pet. The mere fact that they apparently blew so much money that could have been needed for this kind of emergency, tells me I’ll never get paid back. But am I the asshole for saying no, or should I just accept that it’s a loan and trust my friend that I’ll get paid back eventually?
NAH
I don’t blame her for asking – pets are family
But that’s too much to lose, and I agree that you shouldn’t “loan” money to friends or family unless you’re ok not getting it back
I hope her pet is ok
NTA, but this isn’t all or nothing. You don’t have to give anything, you’re 100% not obligated, but offering an amount you are comfortable with is an option if you want. You could let her know you can’t afford $1,500 but you could afford some other amount if that would help, and you’re rooting for Fluffy to get well. But again, purely optional and you are not an AH if you don’t offer anything.
That’s a lot of money and you’re not obligated to give out loans to anyone. But I can understand why she asked, and she seemed to not react badly to you saying no. NAH
She’ll forgive you for saying no?????? Oh hell nah!!!!
Yeah that gave me pause…wondering if that was just poorly worded or an attempt to manipulate.
NTA – If a bank won’t lend her money, there is a reason why. If she can’t pay a bank back, she can’t pay you back.
NTA. Traveling abroad and spending thousands on a wedding, when your financial situation will make that leave you broke, is wild. On the one hand I really feel for them if the pet is at risk and they truly can’t get the money anywhere. But I think it’s reasonable for you to feel you would end up not getting paid back, and to not be willing to risk that
NAH – it’s not your responsibility. My car salesman uncle always says he has a deal with the banks. He won’t loan money and they won’t sell cars.
NTA- but why would she message you on Facebook and not text you??
Are you sure that it’s not a scammer lol
Nta if it so important to her she should sell her phone and other things like tv or whatever she has
NTA
But if you feel bad send her like $100 or $200 or even $500 ***IF*** you can spare that and tell her you can’t afford to loan her that much money, you genuinely don’t have it, but you can contribute a little towards her pet and that doesn’t need repayment…
That should stop her asking you again and that way you can help her a little if you want to. But if not don’t feel bad if you can’t afford it. The vet should have some kind of payment plan or help for hardship.
NTA. It’s her responsibility. But an ask like this on Facebook sounds like some scammer took control for Facebook account. I would call or text message her directly to warn her that somebody had taken over her Facebook account as they were asking you for money. Emphasize that that is something that she wouldn’t have or do. If it really is a scammer, she will be happy that you alerted her. If not a scammer, you’ve given her away to graciously say oh I never would do that.
“She was friendly about it and said she understands and that if I can forgive her for asking, she can forgive me for saying no.”
That’s pretty messed up. I was leaning toward no assholes here, but that BS statement puts her solidly in the brown. You’re NTA
if a bank that is in the business of lending money will not lend her the money, you should not take the risk, well done in saying NO, NTA