I’m 21F and live in Colorado with my roommate (22F). We were friends before moving in together, which is probably why this whole thing feels so messed up now.
A few months after we moved in, she came to me saying she was short on rent because of a paycheck issue. I covered her because I didn’t want us getting in trouble with the landlord and she promised it wouldn’t happen again. But it did. Multiple times. Over the last 8 months I’ve helped with her rent or utilities at least five times. She always says she’ll pay me back but never really does. She now owes me over $1,200.
The part that really hurts is that she’s not broke because of some big emergency. She goes out all the time, orders food constantly, shops online, and even went on a concert trip out of state recently. Meanwhile I work two jobs and barely spend money on myself because I’m trying to stay afloat.
Last week our landlord emailed saying rent was late again and that eviction could be on the table. I asked her about it and she just said she might be short again and asked if I could cover her “for a few days like usual.” I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told her no and that I’m done paying for her mistakes.
She completely freaked out and said I’m selfish and that if she ends up homeless it’ll be my fault. Now she’s telling our friends that I’m basically trying to ruin her life, and some of them actually agree with her which really sucks.
I feel guilty because eviction is serious and I don’t want that for anyone. But at the same time I feel drained and used and like this will never stop if I keep helping.
So AITA for finally saying no even if this could get her evicted?
NTA. Your roommate has made choices. So have you. You decided not to be her bank. Good for you.
Givers have to set limits because takers never will. She is a taker and has framed her mind that she is right.
You setting a limit is hard because you haven’t in the past. Tell your friends exactly what she has done and how much she owes.
NTA.
If you don’t pay rent, won’t you both get evicted? Are you both co-tenants on one lease or do you have separate leases for your own rooms?
NTA. She’s not your friend, and she’s bleeding you dry.
NTA. Tell your “friends”, who are actually her friends and not yours, that they can pay her rent.
NTA
You’ll never see that 1200 dollars.
You are working your ass off to help her enjoy her life more.
She’s not your friend.
I don’t know why you shared friends are taking her side, but if they think she should have money that’s never paid back, let them pay it.
It may be hard , but over time you’ll be in a better place financially if you just let her do.
No one at 21 should be subsidizing a friend.
Have you actually read your lease? You’re probably just as much on the hook for her rent and will be evicted too.
Take her to court.
Group message all the friends with opinions and the housemate.
“Hi guys, as you know House Mate is unable to pay her rent on time for the 11th time in a year. I am no longer able to afford to subsidise her but I’m delighted to see that so many of you have stepped up to support her in these difficult times. Who is going to pay her rent please? It’s due by tomorrow. Love you all, you’re amazing ❤️!”
NTA.
Take out the “on time”.
House mate is unable to pay her rent, again, for the 11th time. She currently owes me 1200 in back rent. Since I’m no longer able to….. continue with the message. Make sure they know when they help her (haha), they don’t get that money back.
It’s not really about the timing if she never pays it
Tell your friends that they can cover her rent instead
Why is there always a group of people at the end who agree with the lame person of the story? That’s why I don’t believe these are real. You mean to tell me NOT ONE of those people said “WTF, you owe her 1,200 already and still EXPECTING her to cover you when your making all these dumb ass purchases, KNOWING you have responsibilities?” Nah I’m not convinced. There’s no possible way those people are that dense
“No, I’ve already loaned you $1,200. I don’t HAVE more money to loan you. How do you expect that to work, exactly, if you’ve already taken my extra money so that I don’t even get to order out food or take trips out of state or go to concerts the way that you do? Now that I think about it, you living like this while I’m covering for your basic human needs feels like you are trying to ruin my life. Why are you trying to ruin my life? If the landlord does an eviction, he might evict both of us! It will be your and your careless-spending lifestyle’s fault if I end up homeless!!”
(I’m suggesting freaking out on her, with her words.)
Or just be honest with your friends – “I’ve loaned her $1,200 so far to cover rent while she’s repaid nothing but spend frivolously on delivered food and out of state trips. She hasn’t paid me back and I have no more money to loan her. If you think she should be bailed out of her choices, you do it. I don’t even have the resources to do it if I wanted to.”
NTA
NTA but you realize y’all both gonna get evicted right?