I (20F) have planned an extensive and grand birthday weekend for my bf (19M) as his birthday falls on the Australia Day long weekend this year. We have been dating for almost a year and he is perfect – flowers every week, nails paid for, dinner dates planned and booked, extremely emotionally and academically intelligent, ect. This morning my mum tells me to come home (I currently live in a major city for uni and home is 5 hours away) for Australia Day weekend as it is my grandparents 50th anniversary and there will be a big celebration at my house and we will be doing family pictures/portraits. These family pictures are only done every 10 years as it is hard to gather our extended family to one place. I am very close with my family however I feel a little blindsided by this decision as I have told my mum about my bfs birthday for weeks now (- my mum usually plans these type of gatherings + it’s at her house). My mother’s side is also care about appearances and I am a little worried that my reputation in the family will suffer. WIBTA if I stuck to my plans (and many bookings) and missed the anniversary for my bfs birthday?
Ps. My bf says that we can reschedule his birthday stuff and go, but I really want to show him he is my priority.
Your grandparents won’t be around forever and neither will your boyfriend. Change your priorities.
50th anniversary only happens once and is a huge deal. You haven’t even been dating this bf for a full year and he’s fine with rescheduling. Reschedule.
YWBTA because your grandparents’ milestone event is more important than your boyfriend’s birthday and he said you should go.
He already said to reschedule. Why don’t you bring him to the party AND go on your trip later. It’s a win-win
I say this As someone who recently lost both her grandparents recently go to their anniversary. He’s only your boyfriend that’s your family. If you don’t go you might regret it.
YWBTA
You are 20. Your boyfriend is 19. \*Combine\* your ages and your grandparents have been married longer than you two have been alive. You could live your entire over, completely over, and still not have lived a life as long as their marriage. Do you see where I’m going with this? Your boyfriend is 19. A teenager. You are barely not a teenager. Celebrate your grandparents. Celebrate their marriage. You will regret this if you do it and when you are an adult and have serious milestones that mean a lot to have celebrated with your family, I guarantee you will not want t AT ALL to be treated the way you want to treat your family and grandparents.
Your boyfriend has not asked you to show him he’s your “priority” by doing this. So don’t do it. Reschedule.
YWBTA. Even your boyfriend is saying his birthday should come second here.
YWBTA. Your bf said you guys can reschedule his birthday, so do it.
Yes, YTA if you blow off a once in a lifetime celebration of your grandparents. Go, & do a big celebration for your boyfriend another day or next year. Blowing off your family isn’t necessary to show your bf that you appreciate him, and may even come across as kinda desperate.
I’m not gonna call you an asshole but, I do feel like if you’re gonna ditch the wedding anniversary for your bf after he said you could reschedule then, that’s an asshole move. It seems as if he’s very understanding and you can most certainly reschedule your plans for your bf. A 50th anniversary is huge and it will not happen twice with your grandparents. You also stated it was very difficult to gather your entire family. I understand it may be an inconvenience but you should go anyway.
YTA: This isn’t a one or the other type of thing. You have the option to do both.
Your boyfriend, who sounds really mature and reasonable, explicitly said you can reschedule his birthday stuff.
If you don’t go to this milestone family event, you will likely poison your family against your boyfriend. They will resent him for your choice to not be there.
You only do family photos every decade; he will have another birthday next year.
Seriously, go to the anniversary.
YTA. He will have another birthday – and you can celebrate anytime, and show him how important he is to you. He’s already said that.
Your grandparents will never have another 50th anniversary.
One day you will look back and regret how selfish you were at this age – trust me, we all do it. Dont make it worse by missing this.
Ywbta. You’re 19 and 20. You could break up in a week and then not be in family pics for the next 10 years and miss your grandparents possibly last big anniversary.
YTA because he said you can reschedule.
A 50th anniversary is a rare and special event. It seems like a long public weekend is the most realistic time to have a gathering with so many relatives.
You need to not just think about your family reputation. You need to think about what you are doing to him in your family. It could go two ways
1. He sticks around long term and is always looked at the guy you dumped Grandma and Grandpa for on their special day. Everyone will be reminded every time they look at that picture. He will take the blame for your decision
2. He doesn’t last. You and your entire family are always reminded of your choice